EA or just friends?
I'm new here. I can't believe I am here, either.
I have been married for almost 15 years, 4 kids. My wife just started working at a factory 3rd shift one year ago. We recently got rid of our home phone, and I got her a cell on my plan. I was shocked, after the first month she talked to a number 22 times, for over two hours. One morning she took a call, walked into the other room and talked softly. I called the number, it was a man.
He would always call when I wasn't around.
When I asked her about it, she said they were just friends. She had never mentioned his name before. I told her it was excessive, and that he may end up falling for her. He is single. She agreed. After 2 more weeks, she was still talking to him, but he would block the caller ID so it would show up as restricted. I again confronted her, about how it wasn't healthy or normal. It was then that she admitted he had a crush on her. And she knew this when I first confronted her, but never told me. She said she finally told him it needed to stop, but that she also had never seen him outside of work, and that it was not an affair.
Recently, she withdrew money from the bank, and I asked her what it was for, she said for a birthday gift. Suddenly, she was using only 1/3 the cell phone minutes as she usually had. I immediately thought she had bought a tracfone. The other night I found the box, and got the number. I called it (while she was sleeping, she works nights) and she answered. I am distressed that she keeps a secret phone under the pillow to take calls from him. I confronted her, she said she got it for the kids. I asked to see the call log, as I was sure it showed his number over and over. Plus she kept all this secret. I asked her about him last week, and she said she hadn't seen him in a long time, (although she was talking to him on the phone)
She says they are just friends, and that I am making too big of a deal about this. I try to make her realize that emotional affairs are exactly what she is in. I even told her she is confiding in him, and not me, and that isn't healthy for a marriage.
Please give me your thoughts. I have been extra patient, attentive, caring, and understanding lately, but she still deceives me. She doesn't see the harm it is doing to me.