Ok - I've hidden something from my wife. A while back ago I received an email from an unknown person from a generic yahoo account. I did make the mistake of replying back but at the time the email really aggravated me. Now I'm having doubts and wondering. Here is the exchange:
Unknown person: right now your wife is meeting someone at ****** park. sorry to have to be the one to tell u
me: Who is this?!?
Unknown person: that isn't important. i'm very sorry.
me: your wrong, don't email me again
Unknown person: sorry that it hurts
That was 6 weeks ago.
I've admitted on this site about things being a bit rocky in our marriage but I can't say I've suspected anything. This email however eventually got the best of me and I'm flipping back and forth between being pissed at myself for letting it bother me to telling myself I need to verify.
At this point I haven't said anything to my W. At first it was because it felt wrong running to her and showing her the crap that I received. My belief then was that it was a prank or something else. Over time and as we have some iffy or bad moments then the doubt creeped in.
Would you go full full transparency and show/discuss with the other spouse. Or would you go stealthy and verify on your own. To be honest most of the time I'm not letting it get to me but I'm just insecure enough to wonder on occasion - which I can't stand. Reading through the Coping with Infidelity section has helped but it has also added to that insecurity - but that's my problem.
I'd do a little checking behind the scenes but I'm a big advocate of "inspect what you expect." I just pick up my wife's phone from time to time - I don't and have no reason to suspect a thing but it's something I do. In your situation I'd pay a little closer attention for a little while. If I didn't find anything that worried me pretty quick I'd be back to business as usual. If I did find something, well I'd start paying more attention until I got convinced either way.
I will say this. I work in a position that makes me fairly visible to the public and I have learned to never swing at a pitch where the accuser remains anonymous - never. My experience has been that anyone who tells you something like that and remains hidden has an agenda of their own. I steadfastly ignore anything from an anonymous source.
Depends on the email account and the validity of the info (like the name of the park and the time in question). If I got an email like that I'd probably have to go into stealth mode and investigate.
Keylogger, phone records - look for recurring numbers text and telephone, her phone - get the contacts list to verify records and check deleted messages and texts. Face book messages, email including sent and trash. Stealth on all accounts. DO NOT reveal exactly what you find or where you found it because she will delete and go underground. Keep copies of anything you do find. If you have access check work phone and email. In marriage there is no such thing as privacy for these areas - if a spouse thinks there is then there must be something to hide. Last but not least - you could put a voice activated recorder in her car - make sure it's well hidden. I would do the first things in this list. Then the VAR last. Does she have an iphone?
I'd go into investgation mode, no question about it.
Assuming the park in question is known to you, and you & your wife do not frequent this park together, if your digging turns up empty you could unexpectedly spring an "innocent" question and watch her immediate response very, very intensely... "So, honey...I was thinking, xxxxx park is realllllly nice and is supposed to be a great place, very romantic even, so I hear. Have you been there?"
My advise is run in stealth mode, there had to be a reason that someone sent you that email............
Start checking email and there are several great devices out there that can help you as well.
My advise is run in stealth mode, there had to be a reason that someone sent you that email............
Start checking email and there are several great devices out there that can help you as well.
This is for sure but it it not necessarily the obvious one. I agree I'd do some checking but I wouldn't do anything that treats her like a liar based solely on an email from an anonymous source. Posted via Mobile Device
Ok - I've hidden something from my wife. A while back ago I received an email from an unknown person from a generic yahoo account. I did make the mistake of replying back but at the time the email really aggravated me. Now I'm having doubts and wondering. Here is the exchange:
Unknown person: right now your wife is meeting someone at ****** park. sorry to have to be the one to tell u
me: Who is this?!?
Unknown person: that isn't important. i'm very sorry.
me: your wrong, don't email me again
Unknown person: sorry that it hurts
That was 6 weeks ago.
I've admitted on this site about things being a bit rocky in our marriage but I can't say I've suspected anything. This email however eventually got the best of me and I'm flipping back and forth between being pissed at myself for letting it bother me to telling myself I need to verify.
At this point I haven't said anything to my W. At first it was because it felt wrong running to her and showing her the crap that I received. My belief then was that it was a prank or something else. Over time and as we have some iffy or bad moments then the doubt creeped in.
Would you go full full transparency and show/discuss with the other spouse. Or would you go stealthy and verify on your own. To be honest most of the time I'm not letting it get to me but I'm just insecure enough to wonder on occasion - which I can't stand. Reading through the Coping with Infidelity section has helped but it has also added to that insecurity - but that's my problem.
We can assume here from your response that what was being written was plausible.
Meaning the park exists near where she could be. She was not near you at the time. You did not say what time of day or night this was.
You caould have called her call phone right then with any number of possible outcomes but data is data.
I don't reply to generic yahoo accounts. Would I in this case, probably not. If what was written was plausible, I probably would do a little research and at some point tell my wife about it. I mean where was she supposed to be then? Work? Visiting a sick friend?
Some more info - the email was from around the lunch hour and it is a park near her work and not one that we have frequented. It's anonymous and I don't give it a lot of credibility but my alpha male/man up psyche just isn't 100%. It just put that damn nagging thought in the back of my head. I hate having that little bit of doubt based on one anonymous email. We aren't in a good place as a couple - and I have learned a lot but we have a long way to go. I feel bad responding to the email and then even worse letting it get to me. Thanks for the input everyone.
Everything is action and reaction, the key is proportion. Based on that email would I go out and buy a VAR, key logger software, or hire a PI - no. But I would pick up her phone frequently for a few days, check her email for a few days, maybe call her out of the blue during her lunch to see how she reacts. I would look in the obvious places and if I saw nothing else I'd let it go - but I wouldn't forget it. If you get another email in the near future, I'd probably look again, maybe a little more diligently. If I got something after that I'd look very hard and if I still didn't find anything I'd probably ask my wife if she had any idea what all the crazy emails are about. Think of it like this. If you faintly smell smoke in a room, do you instantly run out and come charging back in with a fire hose? Nope, you go investigate. If you find nothing further you sit back down at the TV. If you find more you keep investigating until you either decide it's nothing or you go get that hose. Same thing here. There is no reason to feel guilty for inspecting what you expect. Just don't convict your wife of something before she has been proven guilty.
Is there anyone who works with her, that you know, that could help you see what's going on tween her and the guys she works with----this could very well have come from someone at her work, who has their own specific reasons for "outing" her, and those reasons could be many
Take this seriously, people basically do not send out messages of this type for no reason at all----
I know you wanna ignore this, and chalk it up to being BS---but you have to know that a very high % of A's are gotten away with completely---the betrayed spouse never knew a thing, and never will----so take this seriously----consider it as a gift to you, for it is, even tho it may be a gift that brings horrible pain with it---it is better to know, than be the victim, and never know.
The word "park" triggered me. I'm married to a cop and he tells me all time about how people cheat/hook up at parks. Some of them end up being quite scandalous (think married teacher and underage student).
Full transperancy or stealth mode? 
