I am just wondering if this is a reality , as in, "fall off of the wagon", or in drug terms, "return one last time," in reconciliation?
How many here know much about it ? How to handle it? What role does it play ? And what they did about it?
~sammy
Thought I would share a post I read everyday. I have posted parts,but not in complete.
The German poet Rilke cautions,
"Be patient towards all that is unsolved in your heart and try to learn to love the questions themselves." To do that, we must have faith in nature' pattern of growth ,and trust the process, deeper than our conscious mind, which is trying to reconstruct something new within us. There may be no solution in the present moment, but in our acceptance of sadness and uncertainty we make a commitment to bear with our broken selves until the healing process mysteriously begins.
I don't know about "most", but I know about mine. I guess it depends on the level of the affair. Mine promised and broke "no contact" numerous times. Actually, in hindsight, it appears that each promise was only a ploy. It doesn't look like there was ever even a slow-down in contact, much less a break in it. They would simply take it a little deeper underground each time.
What did I do about it? I am separated and trying to work out the details of a divorce amicably.
My wife attempted once about 3 weeks after d-day
she was drinking with a friend and used her phone while she was in the bathroom to try to call him to invite him to the bar. (right after we had a fight on the phone)
According to her she got voicemail and just hung up
she told me right away when she got home and I wouldn't had known if she hadn't so I gave her that one mulligan only
this of course led to a huge discussion on how the hell was I supposed to feel secure if we fight she could break no contact again
fortunately I have seen no evidence of any other contact since then, she has been completely transparent as well and I am at the stage where most of the trust is back (don't think I'll ever get to 100% tho)
Breaking no contact and wanting to reconciling are two totally different subjects.
From my observations, yes, most waywards do break "no contact"--almost always.
It's rare the wayward that just disappears into blackness and never speaks to the left behind spouse ever again in their lifetime.
As for whether the wayward eventually wants to reconcile or not at some point in time--that is a case-by-case basis. Some waywards do decide to reconcile. Some never look back.
Few people have the shear will power and resolve to resist "nature" and the pull of this type of soft addiction. Contact is way to easily rationalized. Afterall, we are talking about people (DS) that have already crossed the line and have proven no will power or control over there own impluse desires.
No contact is not contact so it is reasonable to expect them to adhere to it, however as many do attempt it is wise to look and verify , keep the locks locked until the virus is out of their systems. Posted via Mobile Device
No contact is not contact so it is reasonable to expect them to adhere to it, however as many do attempt it is wise to look and verify , keep the locks locked until the virus is out of their systems. Posted via Mobile Device
I would agree that its a reasonable expectation to ask, but I think it's unrealistic (internally, for you) to expect them not to try.
Dont let the change anything, just keep your "guard up" and be realistic with yourself. Set boundries, clear expectations of them in regard to NO CONTACT. Also clearly define the consequences should you "catch" them.
[loose lol analogy]= I tell my 3 year old child dont eat any of these hershey kisses out of this huge bag while daddy is in the shower either.
I broke three time, twice with out my wife's approval and once with. I do think it's reasonable to expect it, but it's also very likely that they won't be able to 100%. I think it has more to do with what happens when NC is broken. I immediately fessed up to my wife rather than her having to catch me. I didn't want to be in contact, I just got weak temporarily. If a wayward either resumes contact and is actively hiding it or resumes contact over and over those are very different and major issues to R IMO.
Wow what a timely thread!! My WW just called to tell me she called the OM. Said she wanted to apologize to him for accepting his advances.
I am not surprised she contacted him as she has mentioned doing it more than once. She called me right after, said she asked if he had a minute and he said no and hung up. Told me she wanted me to know because she didn't want me to find out from him or on my own.
Well, You may have read about my story in the general forum. My wife, while "working on our marriage" in couples therapy and having supposedly broken off contact, went off to Vegas for a girls weekend birthday party which was nothing more than an excuse to get away and bed the OM!
My wife broke contact really just once, but it was a doozy, in the form of 60-100 texts in a weekend when we were in separate states. Thankfully, I managed to get that info from Sprint via a rep who broke the rules. I confronted her harshly via phone about it, told her if she wanted to keep talking to him she could just leave.
It hasn't happened again that I can tell. But I guess I'll never know for sure - there's always a way for them to do it without your knowledge if they are cunning enough.
DDay was May 5th. The NC break was three weeks later. She's sober now for all of June, July and thus far in August, to my knowledge.
No one can ever know for sure---if someone wants to have contact, there are lots of ways to make the contact
They have already lied, decieved, manipulated, and planned out an affair---they just will say nothing, as they did all thru the affair---they are very good at cheating---so how would you really ever know??????
Do most wayward's break "no contact?" 
