im so confused
« on: Today at 02:23:01 AM »
my husband and i are married for 2 1/2 years now,he is european and im an asian,we have 18mos old adorable daughter and we are currently living in the middle east.he is an engineer and i am a housewife.he is 32 and i am 30.
we have just had our 3 week holiday last month,we toured around europe.from his home country to barcelona.
it was the first time i met his family and friends.prior to meeting up with his friends,he told me that 2 of his xgirlfriends will be there as they belong to one group.i got along with all of them very well.we stayed in his homecountry for 5 days and continued our holiday in barcelona,france and italy.
in italy, he told me that we will meet up with his "friend" and her kid,which will aslo celebrate his 8th birthday.on the evening that we met them,as soon as my husband introduced me to her,i felt odd.ive seen the girl and the kid on my husbands computer,and i remembered a year ago,he told me about an x girlfriend living in italy with a kid and was divorcing her husband,before he met me.that night i did not eat,i drank 3 bots of beer and smoked alot,it was an uncomfortable feeling especially because they were talking with their native language,although my husband excuse their conversation by telling me that he will speak english,if something concerns me.the girl doesn't speak english that much.after drinking i got hiccups as i am not used to drink alot.on our way home,my husband asked me why did i drink and did not eat.i told him i am not hungry.then silence.he asked me why was i quite,and i blurted out "she was your xgf right?",he got mad right away and shouted at asked me to stop my hiccups and i cant cuz its uncontrollable(and that i guess somehow,triggered his behavior or i dont know),then there was an arguement.he was shouting at me and told me that he'll get bak at her and blah blah.i removed my seatbelt and act as if gonna jump off the car while it was moving,but i was thinking to get off the car when we reached the stop light,becuz i dont want to argue with him,but what he did was he pulled me and spank me on my face,i was surprised and just cried and asked how in the world can he do it.he was still shouting and told me that i am making his life hard,that we need a break,when we got to our hotel room he was silent,he lay down on the other side of the bed and he was just looking at me,i asked him if he still love her after seeing her,and he said no,i asked him if he loves me and he said "no",i asked him "why are we together?,he just simply said "we need eachother."my eyes and lips got a bit swollen and it disappear the next day,i dont know how but it just simply disappeared.
the next day,it was the kids birthday.we went there and acted as if nothing happened.we stayed until the party ended.and again the next day,morning,my husband told me that we will go at their place just to bid goodbye,and it was ok with me.
so we went on to our journey,went back to barcelona,at one point,while in the elevator in our hotel he was just staring at me and i jokingly told him "what?are you inlove again?" he answered "no".i would always make that joke to him whenever he stares at me and all the time he will answer back "im always inlove with you",but that time the answer was different.and i told him "ur answer now is no,after seeing her" i shrug it off.while driving,he said "honey,please stop these things with my xgf,she is my past and my friend,i will not go back to her as she cheated on me,with my bestfriend.i now consider her a normal friend.and you know i have good communication and relationship with all of my x's after all.i hate your weakness,u are ugly when u r jealous,you dont trust your self,and i really hate my self for hitting you,i will do everything to never do it again,its just not me",somehow those words that he uttered made me feel secured.we went back to being sweet again with eachother like nothing happened.and now we are back in the mid east.
come yesterday,husband forgot to sign off his yahoo messenger,i despise myself for doing this,i went through his chat archive with that girl.i needed to use google translator to atleast get the idea of what they were talking about.at one part of the conversation in april the girl asked "are you still in that tunnel?" my husbands response was "it is hard to leave when there is a child"
,some parts the girl said "im longing,i miss you and im hugging you tight right now.","come here in italy,just you and ur baby,and send me alot of photos of ur baby and yourself"i felt cold. tho,ive seend my husbands reply was not that sweet,but he cares alot to that girl.
now,my husband is treating me the same way as before,he is still sweet and we planned on what were gonna do the next months.im going to my homecountry this aug 22nd.i dont know what to feel right now.its so cold inside.that somehow my husband felt it.i stopped wearing my wedding ring,and he was bragging about me acting like a single woman,when i get home.i lost the meaning of the wedding ring,our marriage and our relationship.i want to get out.i dunno if it was the difference in culture that we have or the language.
at the moment,he acts as a good father and a good husband to me,as if nothing has changed.but something has changed in me.i lost my trust,respect and love for him.i want to leave him but i feel sad for my daughter.he loves my daughter soo much,i am thinking now,that after going home he will not hear anything about me anymore.or was it unfair?im also thinking that he is trying his best to make this marriage work.or was it just me?i feel so betrayed.i am lost,i dont know what to do. i feel that he is with me physically but emotionally he is somewhere else. Posted via Mobile Device