Originally Posted by ManDup

All kinds of people who don't know you and don't know her are going to go all internet tough guy on you. Forget them, what you did shook her, because you weren't whiny or begging. You set boundaries and let her make the wrong choices. That's a much better way to handle it; the others are just mad because you did better than most guys would have. There's no way they can tell from the text you write here what tone you took, etc. Sounds like you're doing fine, but there's a long hard road ahead.

Remember not to cave quickly into reconciliation if that's what you want. She has some dues to pay, and it will take time to rebuild trust, etc. Remember too that it's not your job to be captain save-a-ho. It's her job to earn mercy and forgiveness and trust at this point, if you even want that. But you know that.

Originally Posted by Entropy3000

BUT if I did:

1) one of the requirements would be for her to quit her current job and find something with no travel, IMMEDIATELY. Like Monday. There is no way this relationship works with her going off on these trips even if she were totally comitted. It is too easy for her hookup.

2) NC with these two friends at least.

3) Total transparency. You have access to all of her accounts. She does not get to delete anything first. You get to see what is there now and in the future. You will be as transparent as well. This includes her phone(s).

4) This transparency also goes for credit cards usage. You get access to see her charges on her personal cards.

5) No more close male friends. I learned I cannot have close female friends the hard way. This includes FB.

6) Test for STDs for the both of you. Again you don't know if she has been unfaithful to you in the past. It does not have to be with this guy. Yes the ten week trip seems to be the time.

....

Our top needs as men are usually 1) Sexual Fullment and 2) Respect and 3) Admiration.
All three assume a faithful wife. She has made a mockery of all three of these.

Good luck. No matter how tough any of us sound we are wired to protect the women we love. Even when they treat us badly. Again whatever you decide though you deserve some compassion and respect for what you are dealing with. This is tough stuff. You don't have kids though. That makes leaving a much easier thing to do than with many others.

Originally Posted by morituri

Just pack your bags and leave. Write her a short email message stating "I know everything, don't bother contacting me." and go dark.

You my friend have a marriage on paper only and a wife in name only. It's time to put an end to this marriage turned sham by your 'wife'

Originally Posted by Shamwow

Realize I think I need a soundtrack for the next few days as I pack and go through this mess. Thinking White Zombie, Rage Against The Machine, etc. The closing music to the first Matrix movie...

Originally Posted by Shamwow

Realize I think I need a soundtrack for the next few days as I pack and go through this mess. Thinking White Zombie, Rage Against The Machine, etc. The closing music to the first Matrix movie...

Originally Posted by nada

I agree with the list you made but it is clearly a sign of no trust, which is essential in a relationship. Would you continue in such a situation yourself ith the set of rules or would you terminate? How can you ever trust a person again after what sham has been trough? This is F.cking up his self esteem.

Nada

Originally Posted by nada

:How can you ever trust a person again after what sham has been trough? This is F.cking up his self esteem.

Originally Posted by Shamwow

If I change my FB relationship status from Married to just nothing, does that show as a status update (like it does when you go from married to single, or vice versa)? Or does it just quietly remove it from my info...anyone know?

Originally Posted by Shamwow

At the moment, I feel like my self-esteem is stronger than it's been in months. When she first came back from 10-wk trip and all went cold, I took it on myself, and since I was already feeling down about gaining weight, etc, it had to be remedied. Have now lost 50 lbs in 7 weeks, and in a lot of ways haven't felt better in, well, maybe even years. That said, I have plenty of moments right now where the hurt of all this kicks in...but actually hiring a lawyer, seeing a therapist, and now going to buy boxes/packing stuff and preparing to walk out and "show her who's she's dealing with" seems to be a boost right now, even though it is gonna be REALLY hard to pull the trigger, because I've never made such a decision before in my life. Deciding to marry was easy. This is a whole new decision.

Don't imagine I could ever trust her again. I want to, but I don't think it's possible. She would have to move mountains over the next few months while I'm gone, and I don't see that happening. I see her feeling bad at first, trying to contact me, then trying to contact me more angrily, then saying **** you and telling everyone around her what a lousy husband I was. We'll just have to see.

Originally Posted by Shamwow

WTF. Just logged into her FB (oops) and checked out profile of OM. His Facebook profile says he's married (I could never see this because I'm not FB friends with him). Is this avenue even worth pursuing anymore? I'd have to ask around to some of her work friends to find out anything. Or hire a PI to research him for me. Not sure if I even wanna go there anymore, but like I said I'd REALLY like to eff up his life like he's done to mine. Round and around we go...

Originally Posted by Shamwow

WTF. Just logged into her FB (oops) and checked out profile of OM. His Facebook profile says he's married (I could never see this because I'm not FB friends with him). Is this avenue even worth pursuing anymore? I'd have to ask around to some of her work friends to find out anything. Or hire a PI to research him for me. Not sure if I even wanna go there anymore, but like I said I'd REALLY like to eff up his life like he's done to mine. Round and around we go...

I did a records search in the state he lives in, and it showed he was not married. Perhaps he was married in a different state than he lives now, and I'd have to search that state? Don't care if/what I do about this right now, but I want a name, email and phone number for her so I can pull the strings from afar. Just send her a copy of the email that her d-bag hubby sent my wife with a link to PORN. Saying, "just thought you should know." That oughta do it.

Originally Posted by Entropy3000

Revenge is best served cold.

Take care of him in your own time and choosing. Scorch earth this B@stard AFTER you take care of your business. Deal with wifey first. Gather your strength. Do this up right. There are those that say leave the OM alone. I say he picked the wrong woman to F^ck around with. That said, you may change your mind down the road. See how you feel then.

Verita Aequitas my friend.

Originally Posted by Shamwow

And let the "call shamwow a p***y" comments commence for not telling her to go f**k herself and die. Will not apologize for calling to hear what she had to say, and not stomping my proverbial foot on her face. That will come when she comes home and admits this s**t to me to my face. My spine is just fine.