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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 08-21-2011, 04:51 PM   #271 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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I think I would make an effort to discretly mess up her finances, because she would have to live with these consequences for years.

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Can't imagine I could mess them up any worse than she already has. She has run all her cards up to the breaking point in the last few weeks, spent her business checking money and our joint checking money, and just lost her next job. She has one paycheck coming for the last week's contract, and while it will help her out, we've always gone back and forth as one of us makes more or less depending on the jobs we're working on (both work freelance). I just this week (while she's been gone) received about 2 month's pay from a few clients that were 30-60 days out on payment. Kinda sitting pretty at the moment.

Have also set up a PO box that I'll start forwarding MY mail to tomorrow...so when more checks for me arrive she can't go drop them in the joint without me knowing.

Also, we just sold her car last week (it was getting old and crappy, we didn't do it for the money), so it's just my car left. She'll come back to no money, no car, no job and no sucker husband to make it all better. I think I can safely say she'll be feeling a little stressed.

That said...got any ideas?

Last edited by Shamwow; 08-21-2011 at 04:56 PM.
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Old 08-21-2011, 04:55 PM   #272 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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I think I would make an effort to discretly mess up her finances, because she would have to live with these consequences for years.

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Nada
He just does not have to do anything rash now. And he just flat may be so involved with his new life he no longer cares.

But he is welll within his rights to let the OM feel some of the pain. He gets to choose. Which is empowering in itself.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:06 PM   #273 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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Can't imagine I could mess them up any worse than she already has. She has run all her cards up to the breaking point in the last few weeks, spent her business checking money and our joint checking money, and just lost her next job. She has one paycheck coming for the last week's contract, and while it will help her out, we've always gone back and forth as one of us makes more or less depending on the jobs we're working on (both work freelance). I just this week (while she's been gone) received about 2 month's pay from a few clients that were 30-60 days out on payment. Kinda sitting pretty at the moment.

Have also set up a PO box that I'll start forwarding MY mail to tomorrow...so when more checks for me arrive she can't go drop them in the joint without me knowing.

Also, we just sold her car last week (it was getting old and crappy, we didn't do it for the money), so it's just my car left. She'll come back to no money, no car, no job and no sucker husband to make it all better. I think I can safely say she'll be feeling a little stressed.

That said...got any ideas?
Idunno, she is in a self destructive phase now. I don't think you need to push that any further. Just protect yourself. Move on. Put her in your rear view mirror. Distance yourself and do not let her pull you down. Make sure your dogs are safe.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:20 PM   #274 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Ya she sure is in self distruct mode, I guess when she's sleeping around it must make her feel better when she spends money.

It amazes me how with even given the chance she continues down this unhealthy path. She is not only in "party city", but in fantasy land. Her reality will hit Tuesday and she will reap the consequences for her adulterous ways. I would stay away from that, thats for sure.
RUN FOREST RUN!



Well played Shamwow.....well played. Even with the death...I mean divorce of your wife you will be just fine.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:24 PM   #275 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Sham,

This sounds pretty obvious and I'm sure you've already done this: Report all of her financial moves to your lawyer. Her out of control spending is something he needs to know. He has probably seen crazy spouses go crazy over money and become a contentious issue in divorce.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:32 PM   #276 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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Sham,

This sounds pretty obvious and I'm sure you've already done this: Report all of her financial moves to your lawyer. Her out of control spending is something he needs to know. He has probably seen crazy spouses go crazy over money and become a contentious issue in divorce.
Yeah, I mentioned to him that I have receipts for at least 3k in expenses that seem quite obviously for an affair, and that I was pretty sure of a few more thousand that I didn't have receipts for. He said that would be brought into account during the negotiation of the debts.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:36 PM   #277 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Now that you are going to file, when you have your face-to-face, stay composed. Thats normally good advice for any tense situation, but considering your wife's irrational behavior, its integral.

Who knows what she might throw at you? I'm thinking anything that could arise leading to things she could mention to a lawyer. Prepare for the worst case scenario and all that.

I did think that she'd come back upset, whether or not she'd confess. Now that she is blowing you off even when you know shes cheating, who knows what she is capable of.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:47 PM   #278 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

She won't be cabable of much, after walking home from the airport b/c she has no cab fair dough, she will be pretty beat. Then she'll have to sleep on the floor in her emty house b/c Shamwoo will have taken the bed.
Sure she can try to make him out to be the bad guy, but with the evidence he has, he should beable to clear the air.

IMO I would wait for her to confront him, when she does contact him, he can simply reply that he thought she found some one else and has moved on.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:50 PM   #279 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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Now that you are going to file, when you have your face-to-face, stay composed. Thats normally good advice for any tense situation, but considering your wife's irrational behavior, its integral.

Who knows what she might throw at you? I'm thinking anything that could arise leading to things she could mention to a lawyer. Prepare for the worst case scenario and all that.

I did think that she'd come back upset, whether or not she'd confess. Now that she is blowing you off even when you know shes cheating, who knows what she is capable of.
Not sure I'll do the face to face. Thinking about moving most of my stuff out, leaving and going to visit a buddy of mine out of town for a few days. I find it hard to deal with leaving her blind (as it's way out of character for me)...but it's definitely on my mind as the strongest option. And way out of character may be the best thing for me to be right now...hell, she certainly is.

But...inevitably there'll be a face to face at some point, whether it be when she comes home or a week or two later when we have to meet over taxes/lawyer stuff...or if she tracks me down somehow and tries to talk to me. I will remain calm...and try to record the audio on my phone just in case. Thanks.
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Old 08-21-2011, 06:12 PM   #280 (permalink)
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Not sure I'll do the face to face. Thinking about moving most of my stuff out, leaving and going to visit a buddy of mine out of town for a few days. I find it hard to deal with leaving her blind (as it's way out of character for me)...but it's definitely on my mind as the strongest option. And way out of character may be the best thing for me to be right now...hell, she certainly is.

But...inevitably there'll be a face to face at some point, whether it be when she comes home or a week or two later when we have to meet over taxes/lawyer stuff...or if she tracks me down somehow and tries to talk to me. I will remain calm...and try to record the audio on my phone just in case. Thanks.
Yes. Get out of there. Let her stew in her own juices.

She is expecting you to be there like a good little puppy. Do not oblige. Let her do the wondering now.
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Old 08-21-2011, 06:13 PM   #281 (permalink)
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She won't be cabable of much, after walking home from the airport b/c she has no cab fair dough, she will be pretty beat. Then she'll have to sleep on the floor in her emty house b/c Shamwoo will have taken the bed.
Sure she can try to make him out to be the bad guy, but with the evidence he has, he should beable to clear the air.

IMO I would wait for her to confront him, when she does contact him, he can simply reply that he thought she found some one else and has moved on.
I think she will get a ride home from the OM if he is local.
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Old 08-21-2011, 06:30 PM   #282 (permalink)
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I think she will get a ride home from the OM if he is local.
He's not local...other side of the country. But I'm sure she'll call a friend for a ride or something. Especially when she hasn't heard from me in response to her calls and texts about when she'll be arriving, etc.

Being very careful about who knows anything about this. No family...and only two friends that are loyal to me. A buddy was in town on work yesterday, needed a place to stay. He's known her since 5th grade. He actually is the one that introduced me to her. We went out, had a good time, I let on nothing, even though we're quite close. Word gets back to her and I lose a lot here.

Even if I leave town on Tues I think I'll only tell the two people that already know my situation (one would be the guy I'd travel to stay with for a few days). She'll be calling around trying to find out where I am (so she can scream at me, I presume), and surely she'll come across those two people eventually, and hopefully they don't give me up. Either way, don't want to make it easy.
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Old 08-21-2011, 06:31 PM   #283 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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Realize I think I need a soundtrack for the next few days as I pack and go through this mess. Thinking White Zombie, Rage Against The Machine, etc. The closing music to the first Matrix movie...

This is perfect!!!!!!!!!!!

Motley Crue - Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go) - YouTube

and this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEPXEJYyKaM

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Old 08-21-2011, 06:36 PM   #284 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

I was thinking some one spilled the beans when she 1st decided not to go to Vages, but it seems you are covering your bases.
So it most have been the OM influence.
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Old 08-21-2011, 06:41 PM   #285 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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She just texted me:

"Any money come through? I decided to go to Vegas today. Cancelled the ticket home, but money isn't credited back yet. I need some play monies. I'll be home tues."


Guess it's time to put dark status into action. Let him pay for her "play monies". This is gonna be weird guys.
When do you think she'll run up against the wall for cash? Will she even be able to pay for the hotel with her credit card if it is maxed? If not, hopefully she doesn't have a shared credit card from your accounts.
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