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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 08-21-2011, 09:15 PM   #316 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Plus her change of Vegas travel plans and comments like - "we aren't having fun anymore".
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:15 PM   #317 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Just cant believe all this. Its crazy.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:21 PM   #318 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

This whole thing is giving me flashbacks.

What if 8yearschating and Whip Morgan are right? ... The evidence may be all circumstantial, but there is so much of it at this point the odds that it's an affair are greater than 99%.

And that fraction of a percent? if so, then his wife is still guilty of having ZERO respect for him, and it has been that way for a good while now. That is NOT a marriage.

So the "best case" is that she has lost complete respect for him and treats him like dirt. And that is the most unlikely of cases.

I can not image ANY situation with his circumstances where she is interested in having and nurturing a good marriage with him. (I'm sure she's been daydreaming about the OM, and has probably told everyone she could how "bad" Shamwow is)
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:25 PM   #319 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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Originally Posted by 8yearscheating View Post
I'm just going to throw out one thing here. Everything you have as PROOF is circumstantial and if you were trying to convict in court for a crime you would lose. You are digging an awful deep whole based on circumstantial evidence. I hope for your sake, you are 100% correct or you will have slammed the door before even having talked to her face to face. You could be right, you could be very wrong. Based on your actions it's obvious it doesn't matter if you are wrong - you've convinced yourself and your done.
Her behavior is unfaithful. I don't care if there was penetration or not. She has not been faithful to her husband. She has shown utter disrespect for him. She has lied. She went on a trip with two guys in secret. When he called her on it she went anyway. The OM has been at least one trip with her.

Whether she is banging anyone or not is not the point. What he knows for sure now is reason enough to divorce her.

He does need to slam the door with her. It does not matter if there was penetration or not.

I bet my next ten paycheck there has. But her behavior is unfaithful. She giggled at him when he wanted sex with her. She is withholding intimacy from him. She has spent a lot of money to perpare her presentation to these males for sexual purposes. Lingerie. Waxing and so on. She went to F^cking Vegas with two F^cking guys in secret and did not want her husband along. HELLOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! Un-F^cking-Acceptable.

So he does not need this conjecture now.

People need boundaries. It is not on him. This is her problem. Move on.

Last edited by Entropy3000; 08-21-2011 at 09:31 PM.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:25 PM   #320 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

I'll also add all you have done in your conversations and texting is try to bait her. Never once did you lay out the fact you were preparing to divorce her if she didn't come home. So, she is totally ignorant to all of the machinations you have gone through and built up in your mind. Doe your wife deserve ANY honesty at all from you? I think she does.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:27 PM   #321 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

8-
Look at the conversation ( a few hundred post back) and the fact that she has gone off to Vegas with no regard to his request that she come home or you meet her out there.

She has checked out knowing that there is a problem and has refused (IMO) to work it out. I have a strong feeling that she believes Shamwow is not man to take the action required.

It seems he has confronted her but she continues her beahvior. If it was his house you would have suggested that he ask her to leave if she choose to continue the affair.

Some times you just have to let them go.

I get it, this is a pro marriage forum and every one is hell bent on Shamwow bailling out, but again he has to let her go, granted he can always move back if she desides to do the heavy lifting and recommit to the marriage, b/c your right there is no hard proof of a PA but at the very least there is a EA and until she admits and own up to it then distancing him self is the best play to get her to see her unhealthy behavior.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:27 PM   #322 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Yes she has done things completely wrong and is being self centered in her needs. But, throwing over a marriage without talking face to face first is insanity.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:28 PM   #323 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

8 years,

She's been absent from her husband for 10 weeks, that is 2.5 months. Wouldn't a wife who loves and cares deeply for her husband would want to head home as soon as her business work was done? Of course, but what does she do? She plans on going to Las Vegas with two men and proceeds to lie to her husband about it. So even if there was no extra-marital sex involved, the evidence is that she prefers to live the single life than being a married woman.

I'm sorry but this woman doesn't respect, much less love and care for her husband. For this alone, she should be given the boot.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:29 PM   #324 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

I read all 21 pages of this thread and again, he asked and did not tell her his intentions if she didn't. He did not confront - he baited. And I can tell you from eprsonal experience travelling - I too have been gone that long and IT WAS at the request of my superiors and I WASN't given a choice. In 30 years of travel, I didn't cheat.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:30 PM   #325 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

I've been reading the TAM boards for close to a year now. I'd bet a paycheck (not that it's much, so i'd throw in a few other posters $$) that she has been unfaithful. This discovery of evidence might lead to the tip of the iceberg of a past history. Then again, Sham may not care to dig jnto the past - his hands are full now.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:33 PM   #326 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

In any event, a face to face discussion is the only way to play the cards from both sides. He may be very right and it sure looks like it.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:34 PM   #327 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

If it were me, I'd have met her getting off the plane in Vegas or flown to where she was previously and had that conversation.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:34 PM   #328 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

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Originally Posted by 8yearscheating View Post
I'll also add all you have done in your conversations and texting is try to bait her. Never once did you lay out the fact you were preparing to divorce her if she didn't come home. So, she is totally ignorant to all of the machinations you have gone through and built up in your mind. Doe your wife deserve ANY honesty at all from you? I think she does.
My wife knows that her going on a trip with two guys to Vegas will be a deal breaker. He did not bait her.

Why are you messing with this guys head. Seriously WTF?

Not all men are willing to put up with a cheating wife. Even the appearance of a wife cheating should be her concern.

His wife took vows. He does not need to threaten her. Threatening is controlling. He took the high road.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:35 PM   #329 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

Bu then again I fight for what I want.
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Old 08-21-2011, 09:35 PM   #330 (permalink)
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Default Re: Wife travels a lot, sex life has stalled, worried - help!

8 - what Sham is preparing to do may serve as the wakeup call. Out of the blue? I don't think as much. She knows something is up, chose to head home, then decided to get her party on instead. 8 I've read your nightmare story from the beginning. Your R proves that R is possible. If I recall correctly, you laid out the terms of a D. Afterwards your wife decided to try, and here yu are months later. While Sham has not yet told her what he is doing, she cannot be so fogged that she is oblivious to there being something wrong here. You might call it an ambush, but if popping the D on her is a bucket of cold water to wake her up, I don't know what is.
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