this is bad

this is bad · 08-17-2011, 09:21 PM

She asked for forgiveness again. To give her one more change. She's willing to do anything but send the letter. For me to trust her and believe in her. I said, if we go to MC and stop FB and check your email and all accounts.

If you slip up just one time, I'm out. No warning, no nothing. She accepts these terms. She said the letter will not accomplish anything. That he will not look for her any more because I spoke to his mom.

He's removed other family members from my W side from FB. She currently ashamed and embarrassed, seems sincere. She want to go to counceling right away.

I get the feeling this is all bull and it will come around to bite me in the butt. I have my reservations big time.

Catherine602 · 08-17-2011, 09:24 PM

Bringing up an issue that you have both gotten through successfully - you changed to make her happy and she accepted and forgave you. It is over and done. She brings it up as a diversionary device. Don't get side tracked by a resolved issue. She brings it up to make you feel guilty and from what you said she was successful. You have nothing to be guilty about - you changed for her and now she is using a good thing to beat you over the head. I think when she makes these diversionary tactics you should ignore them and stay on task.

I have a sinking feeling that you will not follow through. Irony know why maybe it is because you keep giving her chances. I am not saying you have to divorce but you have to be willing to leave her if she crosses the line. You must show her you mean it. What may happen is that when she sees you are serious she may come around. There again there can be no half stepping she is either in or out. Please value your self you are deserving of a wife who loves and respects you.
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Shaggy · 08-17-2011, 09:31 PM

Why don't you send it for her. If she redacts it with him, you have your answer.

turnera · 08-17-2011, 09:52 PM

Good idea. Send it yourself.

turnera · 08-17-2011, 09:52 PM

And cc his mother and her mother.

this is bad · 08-17-2011, 09:54 PM

My problem now is not having OM address. OM mom is not picking up cell phone. Left message, no response. Planning to call OM directly. This is were I'm stuck.

I could try to force W to call OM to get address. Not sure how that will work out. She continues to say that his mom told OM to cut all communications but I'm not too sure. W say she could never see her face again. W has a hard time seeing her mom.

I hope to get a call back tomorrow and make W write that letter. Even if I watch W like a hawk, how can I make certain it doesn't go underground. That's the part that gets me. I hope going to MC asap could get things started. She understands one screw up and things will never be the same.

this is bad · 08-17-2011, 09:55 PM

So your saying email it to OM mom?

turnera · 08-17-2011, 10:09 PM

He's your second cousin by marriage. SURELY your MIL can get his phone number or address.

turnera · 08-17-2011, 10:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by this is bad

So your saying email it to OM mom?

I would email him and copy his mom and her mom, to let THEM know that she is choosing No Contact.

this is bad · 08-17-2011, 10:14 PM

The only contact is via text msg from W's phone. I'll see if OM mom can provide me with email at least.

turnera · 08-17-2011, 10:14 PM

You know what? Scratch that. You TOLD her you had to have a NC letter from HER to show that she chooses you. If she cannot overcome her shame to send him the letter, that shows that she chooses him over you.

You CANNOT stay in such a marriage.

Him...or you.

turnera · 08-17-2011, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by this is bad

The only contact is via text msg from W's phone. I'll see if OM mom can provide me

That's ridiculous. He's your freakin' cousin. You telling me her family doesn't know where each other lives?

this is bad · 08-17-2011, 10:20 PM

As much as I want to believe her, I can't. She should be able to get the address from him by calling him directly. She's not willing because of the shame. That part is killing her. I can only offer, write the letter or D. Your choice. She just doesn't want to send the letter. Her sister also asked what that is going to accomplish.

Whip Morgan · 08-17-2011, 10:24 PM

TIB, I think you need to make a firm stand here. So far I believe you've been doing well otherwise. If she really would want to work on this, she'd stop throwing tantrums about this and do it.

It is possible she is feeling a flood of negative emotions over this whole thing being exposed (which was the right call) to family. Her brain could be going in a million different directions. Perhaps giving it a day for things to settle could help convince her to see is necessary.
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Whip Morgan · 08-17-2011, 10:25 PM

Also, be wary of family. As wrong as your wayward wife is, be fully prepared for family to support her no matter what.
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