It maybe but I did the same thing. I think it's just hoping for the best but preparing for the worst kinda thing. Kind of preparing your heart in a weird way. I don't really know how to explain it but I understand it.
I did speak to him 2wks ago. He said not to D. Not to lawye r up. He will stop all contact. Till this day, he's kept his word. Got a msg from W saying I will get the letter tonight. For me to stop telling her family about our problems. She says,I told you the truth. Be a man and face that . Leave my family alone. Well, she has told me how she feels about him the whole time. It's the lack of changing that, that gets me upset. I'll have to wait and see how it view tonight. If my gut tells me this is BS. I'm out. I can't go though this much longer. Posted via Mobile Device
The CUZ/OM is saying don't D or get a Lawyer because he knows good and well he does not want anything more from her than A$$. He does not want her looking to help to be ther provider. She won't allow her self to see that though and the gall of her telling you to BE A MAN, is she serious. A affair with a cousin and she feels like she has room to toss insults. If she didn't want her family to find out she should have not been having a affair of any kind let alone with a family member. Tell her to be more of a respectable woman and not have and affair especially with family... JUST NASTY!
The NC letter is a psychological step. One that often makes a HUGE difference in a cheater's outlook on what happened.
True but only if they are WILLING to do it without being forced right. Just like TIB I asked my H repeatedly as he has not done it and flate out refused as well then said ok I will and still nothing. Even if they did it at this point the fact that they really don't want to do it means that they will continue right?
At least that is what I feel.
She doesn't want to because it's embarassing....REALLY. SO carrying on like this isn't, wanting to be in an intimate relationship with a family memeber isn't. Man she's special. Just do whats best for you and your kids TIB.
Sometimes I get the feeling that since W know OM doesn't want contact. She better sticks with me instead. Better to have something than loosing everything. Like a backup plan to go to. Although W doesn't say, this is what it feels like. I want to believe W wants to really work this out but I have an internal battle going on inside. The person that is helping me cope tells me to go to 1 MC and see if there is really and hope. This has me confuse with the NC letter. I would still like to see her write the letter, although I don't have the address. I would email it instead. Just the fact that it is written will make me feel better. No,writing it gives me the feeling that she not being serious. Posted via Mobile Device
Just the fact that it is written will make me feel better. No,writing it gives me the feeling that she not being serious.
FWIW, my wife made lots of changes and did lots of things to make it look like she wanted to work on the marriage. The NC letter was the one thing she wouldn't do. Ends up, the reason was that there was still contact and she truly had no intention of ending it. If she is refusing it, you are probably right in that her heart isn't in the marriage.
Sometimes I get the feeling that since W know OM doesn't want contact. She better sticks with me instead. Better to have something than loosing everything. Like a backup plan to go to. Although W doesn't say, this is what it feels like. I want to believe W wants to really work this out but I have an internal battle going on inside. The person that is helping me cope tells me to go to 1 MC and see if there is really and hope. This has me confuse with the NC letter. I would still like to see her write the letter, although I don't have the address. I would email it instead. Just the fact that it is written will make me feel better. No,writing it gives me the feeling that she not being serious. Posted via Mobile Device
Lets see if I can help with this feeling. If she would have agreed right away. If she would have just come to you and told you before you found out or even asked about it then you could believe wholeheartly that it is you she wants and that she truly wants to work on getting your marriage on track. However because she keeps putting things off, not following through with she orginally said about the NC, she wants him and not concern about the kids, the fact that she wants you to BE A MAN as she says and stop telling your problems to everyone in order to shed light on her discreations. If only she would give more thought and concederation for what you need and do whatever it takes with out pause then you can try to start trusting that she is being real with you and she is being serious.
Spoke about it. Still resisting the NC letter. She's think's telling OM mom and her mom was not the right thing to do. That I have bad intentions with the letter. Conversation end with trying to trust her, that she will avoid all contact for life. Lastly, W tell me she cannot force any that doesn't want to be with her to be with her. It got tense...
Well she's clearly showing her priorities and colors here:
#1 - avoiding personal shame
#2 - avoiding telling OM to stay away
#3 - beginning to make it up to you
She has to understand that there is deep shame is what she chose to do. Very deep. There is also very deep emotional betrayal and hurt. Currently you her husband are dealing with the emotional hurt and betrayal, while she is refusing to face the shame.
As for trust - doesn't she get that currently trust in her has been destroyed ?
I assume that she thought exposure was a bad idea because she is ashamed that people now know she is a cheater. Not only did she betray you, but did so with someone within her family. Certainly humiliating.
I think you did the right thing by exposure. It could have been the wakeup call she needed. However, I think her refusal to send a NC letter and simply demanding you to trust her is not a sign that she wants to reconcile.
This is still relatively fresh. With time, the fog could clear and she could see how destructive her behaviors are. I do believe there is a chance to recover this. However, her current behaviors are attempts to blame you and sweep this under the rug. Not aspects of recovery, which she claims to want. I think she is most likely to attempt contact again. It will be tough for you to determine if she is being genuine in trying at this. So far, I think you know she is not. But time will tell. Stay strong.
W still brings up that she was honest with me about the whole thing. About the feelings she had. And even after I was told, it went further. Although, I know I took the pic that got her going on the second day.
It got heated when I told her that I felt like her backup. Since the OM stopped making contact, I'm the one to go to now.
W is upset over the fact that I told them even after I agreed to keep this between us.
W still wants to work on marriage. go to mc, transparency, no social sites. The nc is what is bothering me most. W said she'll tell me right away if contact is made and if I find out that any contact was made without her telling she understands D will come.
Re: this is bad 
