this is bad
This might get long. Sorry in advance. I will skip over lots of detail, if not, it would take hours to write it out. Basically, it's an EA that turns into 3 nights of sexting.
Been married for 17yrs. House, two kids. She's been in contact with her 2nd cus for about 1yr or so, maybe longer. I never thought anything of it. 10mths ago, they send msgs via facebook often and post on each others wall. Then it got more and more frequent. Still I think, what - they are family.
Forward to April, she cuts off communications. I ask what's happen, she indicates, he wants to meet. I think ok, like have a family outing or hook up. She says hook up. Now I'm suspicious. I begin to check phone records on a frequent basis. Nothing going on for about 2mth. Then I see a text sent 1 or 2 times a month after that. I ask why are you sending text. I'm told, just want to say hello. Fast forward to July. A text is sent and 1 week later a friend request is sent via facebook. I'm thinking, this is odd. Did you not block him? Before you know it, it was full blown text for 2 weeks in july.
On the last week I ask, what's the deal between you to. W tells my body is here with you but my heart is with him. My heart drops. I didn't want to over react, so I play it cool. I tell her to be honest with me and tell me everything.
Big mistake. W wants to be with him, leave me. I ask what about the kids. W indicates, she's not thinking about that at the moment. I wait 1 week to let things cool down. Over the weekend I tell her this is not right, what does she plan to do about it. W tells me, I need time to get him out of my heart. I don't think that have met since he stays 3hrs away but it could have happened.
Fast forward to week 2. Sexting pics begin to fly between both for 3 days. Things W has never said to me, was said to OM. Now I'm panicing, not sure what to do. Part of me wants to get out. Other have wants to work it out. That friday, I'm ready to lawyer up on the up coming monday. But I call the OM and tell him, this is destroying our marriage. OM tells me that W and him talked about it and she assured him that's what she wanted. OM tell me not to lawyer up, not to get divorced, he was going to cut all communications.
Week 3. W acts like everything is cool at home. Like nothing is happening. We begin to talk and voices get louder. I ask way, W tell me, What do you want me to do about it, he's in my heart and I can't get him out. W tells me she can't get him out of her heart and head. W feels pain for being with me but not logically being able to be with him. I ask what are you going to do about it. W tell me give me time, it will pass. That's the only answer I get. That friday, she sends me a text asking to go to happy hour with friends from work. She's never asked that in 18yrs. I tell her go right ahead if that's what makes her happy.
This past weekend I take W to the beach for a long walk and talk. I tell W this is not working for me and I'm going to get a divorce. W tells me she doesn't want one. To give her one more chance. That she's human and she made a big mistake. That she was sorry. For me to try and forgive her. I indicate that we do not have a marriage. This has come to 2 people that share money and have sex. Love is not in the picture. W heart is with him and I'm here as a back up. Only for physical staisfaction. I ask, What are you going to do? I don't want to here give me time. W asks me, what do you want me to do? At that moment, I knew that she's not ready to do what ever it takes to make this right. She said, do you want me to disconnect facebook, disconnect my cell phone. What I was looking for was for her to make drastic change. Not ask me what I want.
As the night goes on, we go out late for a talk. The conversation ends with, W saying I cannot force someone who doesn't want to be with, to say with. The idea of D still hurts but I think it may be the only on I have. The main reason is because of the kids. But I don't want to be in a home were I'm not happy. Or looking forward to see the person that has done this to me.
Anyone ever find themself in this situation?
Thanks for listening...
Last edited by this is bad; 08-16-2011 at 08:43 AM.