Originally Posted by morituri

I think it might have been me JB.

If I remember correctly, you asked me why I thought that OW was worse than OM and I answered you that it was because most OM just want to use the married woman for sex while most OW want to replace the betrayed wife in the unfaithful husband's life.

Originally Posted by Catherine602

JB when a man cleats it seems enough for him to land the wife but when women steal another women husband, they have a tendency to be hostile towards the wife. I have read several post from 2nd wives who resent their husbands paying child support!! Where does that come from?

Originally Posted by Jellybeans

Oh gosh this is so true. the OW in Apple's case denied the affair to her and then later showed up IN HER DRIVEWAY at her marital home to wait there for Apple's husband to come out and drive off with them. Then when Apple gave him the boot and called OW out on her BS--she had the audacity to ask Apple what size his ring finger was...and calimed it wasn't her fault the marriage fell apart, that she basically played no part in the infidelity. She denies it to this day and has continued to seek contact with Apple despite the many times she's told her to F off. (That's why Apple and I have planned a 'Hammer the Cuckoo Clock' ceremony for later, but I digress...

I can't remember if it was Mori or Mayhem who said they think OW are waaay worse than OM. That their ultimate goal is to land the husband and end up with him (most of them anyway). It got me thinking when that was posted--gosh that I so spot on.

Look at LeAnn Rimes. Perfect example.

Originally Posted by morituri

I think it might have been me JB.

If I remember correctly, you asked me why I thought that OW was worse than OM and I answered you that it was because most OM just want to use the married woman for sex while most OW want to replace the betrayed wife in the unfaithful husband's life.

Seldom do women, unfaithful wives or OW, enter into an affair solely because the sex is bad in their marriage but are still in love with their husbands.

Originally Posted by sigma1299

John, first let me say that I sit - more or less - on the same bench as you do. So in what I'm about to say every time I say "you", I also mean "I." I get where you're coming from. The thing is - no one cares about you're pain, except maybe your wife if you're really lucky. Whatever pain you have - you earned, it is the price of your actions. Call it stupid tax, penance, whatever you want but it is yours and you earned every bit of it. You're right that everyone loses in an affair, that's because they are among the most selfish and stupid things a married person can do. You were wrong when you said everyone dies "a little bit" inside. Everyone dies a lot inside. The scars are deep and permanent in many ways, for everyone your affair touches. I told my affair partner while still in my affair that what I was afraid of most is that both she and my wife would end up hurt, I wasn't really worried about myself. I vividly remember after I realized I wanted out of my A searching for that magic rabbit hole that would take me out of wonderland and put me on the outside of my affair with no pain, no mess, no casualties, and no one hurt. I never could find that rabbit hole and finally just had to walkout of my affair through the front door and take all the pain and consequences that came with it. I hate that I hurt my wife and I actually do hate that my AP got hurt. I didn't deceive my AP about my marriage or that I would ever leave my wife, but I still own a part of her pain. I have truck loads of sympathy for my wife, her pain I gave her, she did nothing to deserve it. I have no sympathy for myself or my AP, we earned our pain - as did you - and now we have to live with it. Such is the price of cheating.

Originally Posted by oaksthorne

I would advise that you save your sympathy for you wife alone. If your AP knew about your wife, as you say she did, then she deserves whatever pain she has, and more. She knew she was taking what did not belong to her. She knew her actions were, and would be hurtful to your wife and family. She is a dishonest and deceitful person who doesn't deserve sympathy from anyone, much less her co-conspirator. I hope that you have not made the mistake of saying that you have sympathy for this woman to your wife. She may be a stronger person than I am, and could put up with that without pyrotechnics, but I think most betrayed wives would have serious problems with this. I would see it as more betrayal, and continuing disloyalty.

Originally Posted by sigma1299

I have truck loads of sympathy for my wife, her pain I gave her, she did nothing to deserve it. I have no sympathy for myself or my AP, we earned our pain - as did you - and now we have to live with it. Such is the price of cheating.

Originally Posted by Catherine602

These post make me cry. I can understand a marriage not working out, I can understand falling in love with someone other than you spouse. Some people fall into an affair because they are lonely and unhappy in their marriage and they take the selfish cowards way out by cheating instead of making a clean break by divorce.

That is painful enough; it is reprehensible but not evil. What I don't understand is the cruelty heaped upon the LS. Why would anyone tell a spouse that were just a placecard? Why not keep mum to spare the persons feelings? Why have the new squeeze phone the LS and stick it her face, why say I never loved you? Why not just say I fell out of love or take the spoils and slink away without future humiliating the one left behind.

I think more than the cheating is the cruelty. Is it not enough to enjoy the freedom from the one left behind and the enjoyment of the new penny? Why would a woman who took another woman's husband from his family call the wife and rub it in herface.

I think OM would not bother doing this. I believe men who take another man's wife are not honorable but they are highly unlikely to call the husband and rub his face in it. The man code is stillmpartically intact.

On the other hand woman can be horrible creatures. We know what it is like to have kids and want to bring them up in an intact home but women gladly engage in mate poaching and waving thier victory at the LS while she is in pain.

In a way I think women are more at fault than men. Men can sometimes be manipulated by a determined attractive woman who tells him what he wants to hear. It is not that men are not complicite but they are vulnerable to the lures of a woman on the make.

These woman know that and use it. if there were more woman with a code of honor, empathy and compassion men would find far less temptation. As it is, I trust men more than woman because so many women are not trustworthy or honorable when it comes to men. Men are accused of thinking with their little brain. By the way some women behave, they don't seem to have a 2nd brain to think with or a functioning primary brain. All the sisterhood solidarity stuff is hollow and a lot of BS. There I said it.

My mothers best friend cheated with my dad. Some best friend .
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Originally Posted by oaksthorne

I worked in a female dominated career for years. I learned that women don't want to just defeat a rival ( even when she doesn't know she is a rival); they want to rip off her head and urinate on her corpse. I do agree with this post that women are under no illusions ( with the exception of the extremely stupid perhaps?) when they go after another woman's H. They know full well what they are doing to the other woman and her family, and they are getting a charge out of it. Is this worse than just going after a booty call? Yeah, I think so! My H's skank kept showing up to try to rub my nose in it, for a year and a half!. The last time she popped up ( uninvited) was at a wedding, just this last May. She knows what she is doing, and It feels good to turn the tables on her from time to time. I have come to enjoy smacking her on her cold, wet nose with a newspaper when she intrudes into my life.

Originally Posted by sigma1299

I said I have no sympathy for me or my AP...

Originally Posted by sigma1299

I have to say I had no idea women were so ruthless. I must live a sheltered life??

Originally Posted by sigma1299

I have to say I had no idea women were so ruthless. I must live a sheltered life??

Originally Posted by Therealbrighteyes

You are correct in that it is a challenge and a "win" mentality. That and a sociopathic one.
Read a website a while back filled with OW and they were all congratulating each other when the husband left the wife. Not one of them had any empathy for the BW and her pain or that of her children. Not one.

Originally Posted by oaksthorne

" I hate that I hurt my wife and I actually do hate that my AP got hurt. I didn't deceive my AP about my marriage or that I would ever leave my wife, but I still own a part of her pain. "

If your AP knew that you were married, and she still chose to inter into an A with you, she is responsible for her own pain. She knew what she was doing to your wife; believe me, she knew, and she is not deserving of any "I actually do hate that my AP got hurt". It is important that you realize this. I am speaking to you as a BW. Any feelings of regret that you express for this woman's pain, will likely be viewed by your wife as continuing disloyalty.