My wife and I have been married for a year and a half (together for 6yrs. total). Recently I discovered that she has been texting her sisters boyfriend an unbelievable amount of times. I went through the phone bill and was shocked to see over 1200 texts in a 7 month period, all deleted on her phone.
First of all let me say I knew they were friends already. His personal life is crazy and my wife tells me that she is the only one he can talk to(according to him and her sister). He works in the music industry and frequents night clubs, and when he's in town he invites my wife out. She usually brings a friend, but one night about 7 months ago she went out with a friend and ended up being dropped off by him at 6am. She told me he was having issues with his brother(who used to date my wifes sister too, totally Jerry Springer), and they just talked all night, not in his hotel room ofcourse, in the lobby at a table she says. I took her explaination to be the truth but was skeptical deep down. She's gone out on several occasions with him since then and I said nothing.
When I saw the phone bill I confronted her and she said I was being insecure. I asked why the messages were deleted, and she said everything from "you would over react to I was clearing up memory".
The texts were mainly when I wasn't around or when I was sleeping, all hours of the day and night...2min. after she gets out of work...first thing in the morning...while i'm next to her in bed...2am,3am,4am,5am..you name it.
She admits that he was flirty in some of the texts but she wasn't. She denies any type of sexual relationship. She says sorry, she wasn't trying to disrespect our marriage, she was just trying to help him and be there for him. I still don't believe her and i've been upset about it for days now. I can't stop being pissed off, especially with her innocent little attitude and minimizing the situation. I asked her to take a polygraph if she is so innocent and she says no, I should trust her. I feel that even if it wasn't sexual, it's still wrong.. I don't know what to do.
She is lying, call her sister tell her about the number of text messages . Your wife is in an affair , stop this now before you lose control . Posted via Mobile Device
My wife and I have been married for a year and a half (together for 6yrs. total). Recently I discovered that she has been texting her sisters boyfriend an unbelievable amount of times. I went through the phone bill and was shocked to see over 1200 texts in a 7 month period, Red Flag #1 all deleted on her phone Red Flag #2.
First of all let me say I knew they were friends already. His personal life is crazy and my wife tells me that she is the only one he can talk to(according to him and her sister). He works in the music industry and frequents night clubs, and when he's in town he invites my wife out Red Flag #3. She usually brings a friend, but one night about 7 months ago she went out with a friend and ended up being dropped off by him at 6am Red Flag #4. She told me he was having issues with his brother(who used to date my wifes sister too, totally Jerry Springer), and they just talked all night, not in his hotel room ofcourse, in the lobby at a table she says Well of course she said that.... I took her explaination to be the truth but was skeptical deep down. She's gone out on several occasions with him since then Red Flag #5 and I said nothing. When I saw the phone bill I confronted her and she said I was being insecure. I asked why the messages were deleted, and she said everything from "you would over react to I was clearing up memory". Red Flag #6 this is called gas lighting you - trying to make you think your crazy... The texts were mainly when I wasn't around or when I was sleeping, all hours of the day and night...2min. after she gets out of work...first thing in the morning...while i'm next to her in bed...2am,3am,4am,5am..you name it. Red flag #7
She admits that he was flirty in some of the texts but she wasn't. She denies any type of sexual relationship. She says sorry, she wasn't trying to disrespect our marriage, she was just trying to help him and be there for him. I still don't believe her and i've been upset about it for days now. I can't stop being pissed off, especially with her innocent little attitude and minimizing the situation. I asked her to take a polygraph if she is so innocent and she says no, I should trust her Red Flag #8. I feel that even if it wasn't sexual, it's still wrong.. I don't know what to do.
With all those red flags it looks like you've got a problem... You need to intervene fast.
...and get the book "More Than Just Friends".
You will see yourself (and her) all over this.
Make her read it with you.
Your entire story is SO perfectly adhering to The Script for WW, unfortunately. Read it here on this forum and learn, sir. She is exhibiting all the classic red flags that sigma points out. I am sorry you are here. Brace yourself, you're in for a rough ride. I promise you that you are in for more than you think right now. Good luck to you.
If I told you my wife sent over 1200 texts at all hours of the morning to a guy that she was out with till 6am IN A HOTEL... but "I believed her story", and when I confronted her further about my discomfort with it all she told me I was simply being an untrusting, insecure husband.... you'd call me a fool.
Just sayin'...
An what is keeping you from insisting on that polygraph you threatened? You are being played.
Sorry your wife slept with OM, I'm sure you were hoping for her to say yes to the polygraph.
If she was smart (or innicent) she should of said yes, you propablely would of blow the test off.
Insist on no contact, if she refuses, then expose it to everyone, asking for there support in repairing the marriage.
The point to this is to make this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.
You can't control her but you can give her the choice between you or OM. She will label you as controling, but rebut that with the simple fact that it is her choice and you will no sit by while she continues.
Do not beg for the marriage, be confident that you can move on. The perseption you show will get her to second guessing her choice. If you do beg and cry, it will show her that you are weak and will tolorate her behavior, and empower her to continue with this affair.
As weak and as confussed as you feel, you need to show her the additude that you are confident and will move on with out her.
Perseption and additude are everything here, if she believe you are truely serious in leaving she may want her marriage more then the OM, then again she may want the OM, point is do not let her "cake eat".
Once you get her to stop all contact with OM, you still have a long raod ahead of you with working on the other problems in your marriage that cause her to stray and the ways to prevent this from happening again.
Right now work on the NC, if this won't happen it may be time to "just let them go"
Definitely tell your sister in law. Get her point of view on the issue. She may be unaware of the extent they are communicating. Although, if they are close, sisters never like to believe this kind of things about eachother, so she may be in denial.
Your wife is supposed to be your rock, not his. The OM should be confiding in your sister in law, not your wife. I imagine this may cause a rift in their relationship as well. You need to insist on NC. Even if nothing has happened up to this point (hard to believe), it is just a matter of time. If she has admitted to him flirting with her, then it has gone beyond that. She is not being completely honest with you. If he has been flirty, the last thing she should be doing is going out with him in an environment that will promote risky behavior (i.e. drinking at night clubs, being alone in a hotel).
If she is not willing to cooperate you need to stay firm on what you need to make things right. If that includes a polygraph then so be it. She has crossed a boundary, and now it is up to her to do the right things to repair the damage done to you. If she is serious, she will. Don't fear her response when making these accusations or requests from her. If she is indeed being honest with you, and there is nothing to worry about she will oblige willingly to ease your fears. Good luck!
Funny...when you asked her to explain the phone bill, she didn't give an explanation-she got uber defensive and more or less told you that you were too sensitive, demanded you trust her and to back off.
If she has admitted to him flirting with her, then it has gone beyond that. She is not being completely honest with you. if he has been flirty, the last thing she should be doing is going out with him in an environment that will promote risky behavior (i.e. Drinking at night clubs, being alone in a hotel).
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