08-26-2011, 02:09 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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| Registered User
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1
|  Conflicted feelings
I discovered that my husband of 34 years was texting a female co-worker. He also had 5 last night phone calls with her while I was out of town traveling on business. All of this occurred over a 6 week period. Also during that time he began to have problems on his job. During the texting periods I felt like something was a not right. But on the surface everything was fine. We still had sex. We would go together.
One day I looked at the phone bill and made the discovery. I contorted him. First he was mad. Then he lowered his head and said he had F-ed everything up. He did say he would stop the texting but after all they worked together. Over the next 6 weeks our marriage deteriorated. He went on anti-depressants He was volatile at work. We didn’t speak much. The he got fired. From there he went to a psychiatrists who diagnosed him as bi-polar. Not sure that was accurate perhaps more borderline disorder along with depression. He also went to a counselor. The he went top a marriage counselor twice The counselor advised him all would be well. (Not sure if he told the counselor that he cheated on me when I was 22. Now I am 53.)
During the following months of unemployment he vacillated at home. When I would ask about the relationship he had, his stories would change. First they were just friends. The he would say he was looking for something different. More often than not he would become very angry and one time threated to kill me.
He did go back to work. For me that was important. Though I felt like we should divorce because I can’t trust him and feel betrayed. But I have always made significantly more money that him so I couldn’t leave him when he was unemployed due to the fear that I could support forever. Now he is working. I still make more money.
I am at the point where my anger has subsided And I am trying to move on emotionally with this but need resolution on this. I don’t know if I should stay married to him or not. He has said that nothing happened but it was because I intervened. But they never went out together alone. They just talked on the phone and texted.
He can not say that he loves me. He does not hold my hand. Through all of this he has given me a card but some flowers and wrote me a short note saying that they were just friend but it got out of control.
On some levels I can deal with most fo this but his inability to say he loves me is bad. I asked him if we should divorce. He said he didn’t think it was over. I asked WHY? – hoping for I LOVE YOU. Instead I got “I don’t know.”
He is still medicated plus drinks 6 or 8 beers a night. So I don’t know what is really going on with him.
I know I need to move on because the pain is just as fresh as it was when it occurred. But I don’t know what to do. The only thing that I have hung on to is that when I asked him what She said when she heard that I found out was her comment. She told him that she hoped we worked it out. Thoughts?
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