There is always hope.
I thought I would write a bit about the situation I was in 10 years ago. I hope I can give it justice....it's so hard to write about details that happened that long ago...and I don't want to write a book here. I will try my best.
To say I married the women of my dreams would be an understatement. I married my best friend, my confedant, my lover and my second half…she was my world. I have had friends marry out of convenience, it was the logical next step. I have friends that married because there was a little one on the way. I have had friends marry because they told themselves that they should be married by such and such an age. I have had friend marry because they wanted to have a wedding party...I think. I married because I was trully head over heals blissfully in love and I wanted to spend the rest of my days with the women of my dreams.
Three years and a baby boy later…my best friend came home from work one night and dropped a bomb that shattered my whole world. “I think I love him” she said to me and my heart stopped.
That’s how I found out..on the porch of my home on a cool summer night. Suddenly, the last six months of my marriage started making sense…and all the lies unfolded before my eyes. All I was left with was the sickest feeling right in the pit of my gut that would not go away and questions that I could not get answers for.
Of course we all know this was just the beginning. What followed was the hardest year of my life.
Are you staying? Do you love me or him? Stay..go..stay..go...and on..and on...and on. This lasted about a month.
I moved out (200+ miles away). He moved in (as soon as the coast was clear). We would drive and meet at the halfway point to share my son, I had him most weekends. This went on for 3 months. The divorce papers had been filed.
Then came the "gas-lighting and blame shifting" I was made out to be the most selfish, sluggish, non-understanding person that ever walked the planet. I bought into this.
Then came the games. She wanted to work it out...so she moved back in with me. Said it was over between them..I bought into this too. I stopped the divorce proceedings.
We all know she didn't stop seeing him, of course. I lost my mind. She put a restraining order on me. No, I never laid a hand on her. This was her way of showing people how right she was...I was a d_ck! Just like she said I was. She moved in with her parents and continued her affair.
The divorce was back on...another $1200 to file...yippie!
We didn't speak for about a month.
I was dead inside..completely hollow. Battered, broken..and broke. I cried daily. I drove around a lot. What came next saved my life.
I don't recall the exact time it happened to me, all I can say it was when I was at my lowest. I was driving down the highway coming home from work...major rush hour traffic. I remember looking at the cars full of people and just loathing every single one of them. Don't these people know what I am going through? Don't they care?
I was really losing control of my emotions....I was splitting in two!
Just then I pulled over...I had had enough! Enough of the pain...enough of the lies, enough of the guilt, enough...ENOUGH!
I got out of the car and dropped to my knees, right there on the shoulder of the road in the middle of rush hour traffic and prayed.
With hands folded and head bowed...I prayed. I prayed for forgiveness, I prayed for Jesus to take control and to lift my burdens. I gave it all to the Lord above. Everything...my sins, my pain....my life. I placed it all before His throne and asked Him to take it. I asked for His will to be done and not mine. I admitted that my wishes were nothing to His. I prayed.
I left that road side and drove strait to the bookstore and purchased my first Bible.
From that point on things got easier.
Mind you...I was never a believer before.
So the story goes. I stayed glued to my Bible and to Christ day and night. I read and studied. I worked. I spent time with my son. I still loved my wife.
When the day came for the divorce to be finalized, I was in a good place. I was healed physically and emotionally. I was ready to be divorced and to move forward into being single again.
The judge gave me a chance to speak, I think...or I asked for the chance...can't really remember. All I remember from being in that courtroom was turning to my wife and saying "Honey, I love you...I don't want a divorce..I want to work it out."
We left hand in hand..proceeded to the diner across the street and had coffee.
It's hard to recall all the horrible details of what happened 10 years ago. I can attest that it was like any of the hundreds of post on this board. The script remains the same it seems for so many people. However...I can remember vividly how it felt when I prayed that day on the side of the road. I can remember how it felt to hold my wife's hand walking to that diner.
So how did you heal this relationship you ask?
No secret formula.
Although we didn't go to counseling. We got about every book there was on the subject...we studied, read, reflected. She came clean on everything. She corrected all of her lies she had told about me...reverse gas-lighting I guess. She took ownership of the affair. We worked as a team...we communicated...we took our time...and we kept Christ as our center..our Lord and our master.
Last edited by Geoffrey Marsh; 09-15-2011 at 10:48 PM.