For the sake of argument from previous posts I would like to direct this to people that have dealt with a spouse with poor boundaries or have survived an EA or an affair- all with success in the end.
What did you do to rebuild the trust? There are always going to be wolves lurking so what boundaries can be set and how do I get convinced those boundaries are being enforced? I have thought of things like random swap phones for the day - like before she leaves for work today I just say we swap phones today so I would have her phone all day with no prior warning. Somehow she is responsible with telling me who she is with- especially if with opposite sex- and what they are doing with no " I forgot to tell you" as an excuse.
I have looked at the polygraph approach as a good starting point but from reading here there seems to be many who say don't do it. So don't know if it should be used or not. I looked it up around here and the cost would be $450 plus rental of a room- which would be a lot for us.
I have more thoughts but could add those as people respond. My wife acknowledges that I have every reason to be suspicious based on everything that has happened. She doesn't see the current co-worker as a threat but I do. I am at the point that once we set up the protocol/boundaries, separation or divorce have to be a consequence of breaking the boundaries.
Also, I have set up ways to at least do some monitoring and can use that to confirm things I am told.
What did you do to rebuild the trust? There are always going to be wolves lurking so what boundaries can be set and how do I get convinced those boundaries are being enforced? I have thought of things like random swap phones for the day - like before she leaves for work today I just say we swap phones today so I would have her phone all day with no prior warning. Somehow she is responsible with telling me who she is with- especially if with opposite sex- and what they are doing with no " I forgot to tell you" as an excuse.
I have looked at the polygraph approach as a good starting point but from reading here there seems to be many who say don't do it. So don't know if it should be used or not. I looked it up around here and the cost would be $450 plus rental of a room- which would be a lot for us.
I have more thoughts but could add those as people respond. My wife acknowledges that I have every reason to be suspicious based on everything that has happened. She doesn't see the current co-worker as a threat but I do. I am at the point that once we set up the protocol/boundaries, separation or divorce have to be a consequence of breaking the boundaries.
Also, I have set up ways to at least do some monitoring and can use that to confirm things I am told.