09-06-2011, 02:12 PM
Join Date: Nov 2010
| | Re: Wife has fallen for a fantasy
Originally Posted by maudite
I'm still going to encourage her to get help but I feel that my pushing has reached the point where it is counterproductive. She knows she's hurt me with this as it is the equivalent of an EA to some weird strange extreme.
Another thing that is bothering me is my own urge to have an affair. Not to get back at her for anything but to seek out my own happiness, to do something that may make me feel good even if totally stupid and irrational. I had an old friend reach out to me the other day on facebook. She's going through a divorce. I told my wife about it. I have never kept things like that from her. She's encouraging me to meet with her if for nothing else than to talk about our situations with someone who can relate. Of course she also encouraged me to "f the s out of her". If I meet with her I'm almost certain it will result in sex. It feels good to be wanted by someone, it felt good that she reached out to me. I'm fighting against it with everything I have but I'm broken. I want to be fixed. My wife can't fix me right now and may never be able to. I realize I'm just justifying this horrible decision but I don't know if I care.
As others have said (and I said on page 3), you're simply enabling her behaviour. You're teaching her that it's ok for her to dwell in her fantasy world, because you accept your life the way it is now.
Ask yourself this... If she was in an true affair (physical or emotional), would you tolerate her moving into her own room while you continue to support her? If not, why are you willing to tolerate this? In her mind, this is real (apparently). And as far as I'm concerned, she's more likely to work her way out of it if she gets slapped with reality. That is, a separation.
Good luck with this. Based on the second part of your post, I would guess it's only a matter of time before you cave into the affair. Might as well jump in feet first now, get it over with.
Have you given any consideration for what kind of marriage you're demonstrating to the kids? Separate lives/bedrooms. No contact or intimacy.