The words from my idol, Paul Newman, who (if you can believe it) remained faithful to Joanne.
Anyway, I suppose an affair is an affair. For those of us that are more analytical though, it's tough to understand exactly what the primary draw is/was.
In my case, my wife seems to have an attention addiction, which led to her affairs. They were lengthy with guys she was already friends with, and whether they sensed she was vulnerable or she green lighted the affair, it went all the way.
But here's the thing that is tough for me to come to terms with. The guys were losers, and half as attractive as me. The first was dumb as bricks, failed out of a basic civil service academy, and didn't have anything else going for him. The other was overweight and recently filed for personal BK (along with his pregnant wife and two other kids).
Not to toot my horn, but when it comes to opportunities, I've had women at my office basically tell (whisper to) me that they would be willing to lay down whenever I wanted to. I'm in my mid thirties, still have six pack abs, and according to my wife, "am so attractive and caring that she would never find someone like me ever again." Thanks hunny. . .where were those thoughts when you slept with other men?
I guess in a way I can answer my own question - my wife was hearing what she loved to hear from these pieces of sh!t - they just filled her ego up to the max, filled the need to be desired, thrill of the chase. . . BUT COME ON!
If I were to wander (and it would be scary easy given the bench of women that apparently are ready when I am [though I imagine that could change if I truly came on to them]), I THINK it would be with a woman that was hotter than my wife, perhaps wealthy, but at the least, someone that I felt was really well put together.
To cheat with a scrappy girl that was a hot mess or had baggage. . . what on earth? It just doesn't make sense to me.
Re: Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?
Affairs never make sense and never will. The causes are as numerous as the bad choices they make.
They rarely are about attraction and more about ego for sure.
I do believe that some people get stuck in a immature mindset...kind of like they never fully became adults...and are locked in this 19 year old haze. These are the people that never own up to the affair and the hurt they caused. To them it's almost like it never happened.
Re: Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?
People in the fog are out of their freaking minds. My wife overlooked a lot of red flags with her affair partner. She never saw him for what he was...even though he told her loks of bad things. He is a serial cheater and a compulsive lier. He has self esteme issues about his junk size that I don't even want to elaborate on. He treated his current girlfriend and ex wife like trash.
Why do women in the fog not see these guys for who they really are? Just skumbags looking for some tail. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?
Similar situation with my wife...what I figured out by listening to my wife and reading between the lines is that our wives know they already have the best husband/mate for them. They just have a need for more "attention" than any one man can provide them. The OM exchange that additional attention for sex.
These affair partners are "extra" attention and not a replacement. We tend to see these guys as our "replacements" and try to make an apple to apples comparison. If your wife had been asked to chose between you and the OM in front of you; you would always win.
My wife did not have one complaint about the attention and affection I gave her. She just needed more attention than I had hours in the day to spend with her.
Our wives were selfish and immature pursuing their "extra" attention.
Re: Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?
Quote:
Originally Posted by F-102
Maybe they liked the losers because they saw them as "beneath" them.
There is truth to this in my situation. Had an interesting conversation the other night with my wife, and I honestly felt bad for her. She says to me "you are perfect, good looking, very smart, can play any sport, understand complicated issues, can rebuild an engine and then put on a suit and have a high level discussion with intellectuals, blah blah blah". She then says she is not very talented, very average, not very smart, doesn't get high brow humor, but she is good at parenting (which is absolutely true, she is an amazing mother).
I felt a bit sh!tty after the conversation, not because I felt at fault for what she did, but I just wished she was more open with me about these insecurities she never told anyone about. I would have helped her and extolled her virtues.
So in essence, I absolutely think these loser dudes were comfortable for her as she was 'above' them. It still sucks she stooped to that level, but I suppose we'll come out stronger with all the take-aways from this mess.
Similar situation with my wife...what I figured out by listening to my wife and reading between the lines is that our wives know they already have the best husband/mate for them. They just have a need for more "attention" than any one man can provide them. The OM exchange that additional attention for sex.
These affair partners are "extra" attention and not a replacement. We tend to see these guys as our "replacements" and try to make an apple to apples comparison. If your wife had been asked to chose between you and the OM in front of you; you would always win.
My wife did not have one complaint about the attention and affection I gave her. She just needed more attention than I had hours in the day to spend with her.
Our wives were selfish and immature pursuing their "extra" attention.
Re: Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?
I'm sure it happens often, it was all about the ego stroke for my H. He had two attractive women wanting him (me and the ow), didn't matter that his wife was more attractive. At the time, two was better than one in his mind.
At least I get the perverse satisfaction of knowing the OW was bummed when she saw my picture. I'm sure she thought she was the steak, but after she saw my pic she realized I was not the one playing the role of hamburger.
As far as Paul Newman, there's one example of a couple that started as an adulterous affair and morphed into a fulfilling long lasting marriage. Paul started a relationship with Joanne while he was still married to his first wife. Sounds like even Paul Newman followed the script of a cheater once upon a time.
Re: Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?
My niece, who is a 9, bordering 10 on the attractiveness scale. Was cheated on by her husband. The other woman was no where near as attractive, and overweight.
The difference being, this OW worshiped my niece's husband. Where as my niece, as kind and loving as a woman she was, she used her husband as a doormat. Not saying he had the right to cheat, but methinks it didn't help. Plus there are some of us who think my niece suffered from the Halle Berry syndrome.
Re: Why go for a burger when you have steak at home?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stunner
Why go for the burger when the steak is at home?
...Could be because in many cases whats at home is far from a steak let alone a saltine cracker
...and looks isnt what holds a relationship. Who cares if shes hot is shes a *****
True, looks don't hold a relationship, but I think everyone here realizes that cheating isn't always about getting a piece of A. It's about the fantasy, ego trip, and/or emotional high one gets while in an affair. So, the AP looks more appealing because they're new and can present their best side. There's no bickering over bills, children, and who does more around the house.
Plus, affairs are usually built over secret meetings and brief encounters. If you add up the total number of hours my H spent with the OW, it'd be less than 40 hours. Even then he saw glimpses of her yucky side. She'd yell "f-you" at him if he mentioned me, talked about how she loves to party with the girls past bar time (she's married), and was obviously lacking in character for this was her 3rd affair. However, as long as she gave my H an ego boost, he could ignore her less desirable traits, because he didn't plan on their relationship being permanent.
Now, if my H had chosen someone hotter, nicer, and more of his intellectual equal than the OW.... I'm sure it would've been a lot harder for him to end the affair, if he would've chosen to end it at all.
Why go for a burger when you have steak at home? 
