emotional affair????

pacmouse · 11-26-2008, 07:35 PM

I caught my husband having an emotional affair shortly after it started (I think) It was with his coworker. I started to questioning after seeing the cell phone bill. He went from an average of 8 texts to 157! The next month it was over 200! I also noticed that they would talk when he was out of the house. They also would plan play dates with him and our children and her and her child. Conveniently, on the weekends I was in class. This was all done in secret. When confronted, he of course said it was just a "friendship" and told me I was "worried about nothing" I pointed out all the deception but he still didn't see it. So, I printed an article on emotional affairs off the internet and had him read it. It wasn't until after he read about emotional affairs and how they are started and progress that he saw what he was doing. He apologized and told me he didn't even know there was a name for what he was doing. He told me he was not going to continue with this friendship and was going to keep the relationship "only professional". We also went to a marriage counselor who pointed out other aspects of his behavior and the consequences. I am now finding it hard to trust him. Even though he seems to understand everything. The type of job he has makes it difficult to end this relationship entirely. I know he has to work with her. Should I believe him? I feel so hurt!

mom876 · 11-26-2008, 07:55 PM

At least he read the article and understands what he was doing.
You're right that it will be difficult for him to have to work with this person and maintain a professional relationship only. Hopefully, he can do it. Keep an eye on the situation but don't dig for trouble where there isn't any. Good luck.

Shelby · 11-26-2008, 09:45 PM

My husband is doing the same thing but he won't admit it! Where did you get the article? I'd like to have him read it too. He doesn't involve our children, I would not tolerate that at all!

voivod · 11-26-2008, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shelby

My husband is doing the same thing but he won't admit it! Where did you get the article? I'd like to have him read it too. He doesn't involve our children, I would not tolerate that at all!

try this on for size:

What is an Emotional Affair?

draconis · 11-27-2008, 02:13 AM

Here is another good article

Is Your Crush Harmless? 7 Signs of Emotional Cheating | Lifescript.com

draconis

Blanca · 11-27-2008, 04:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pacmouse

It wasn't until after he read about emotional affairs and how they are started and progress that he saw what he was doing. He apologized and told me he didn't even know there was a name for what he was doing. He told me he was not going to continue with this friendship and was going to keep the relationship "only professional".

well good for him. i actually did something similar with my H, only it was an article on the effects of giving someone the silent treatment.

i think you should give your H credit for apologizing but be open and honest about how hurt you are and let him know its going to take you time to heal. Let him know you appreciate his efforts to work on the marriage, but its going to take you some time to recover. Ive found with my H that if i explain that im not trying to punish him or live in the past, but trying to move forward by dealing with the pain, he understands more.

make sure you let him know what you need from him to be able to trust him again. be very clear but make sure you let him know you appreciate his efforts.