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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #136 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-28-2011, 03:59 PM
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I wouldn't. What's important is what happened from R day forward not the past.
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post #137 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-28-2011, 04:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

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I wouldn't. What's important is what happened from R day forward not the past.
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nope, I can't help it, I will end up doing it

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post #138 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-28-2011, 04:08 PM
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nope, I can't help it, I will end up doing it
Hey, I tried! That said, um, I'd look too.
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post #139 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-29-2011, 06:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

Just started the process...
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post #140 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-29-2011, 07:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

well that was a bust

facebook started saving your chat sessions in with your message folder back in April or May of this year, so any chats done before then weren't in the archive. (they never did message each other facebook and only used chat)

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post #141 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-29-2011, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

got off the phone with wife not too long ago and I told her what I just did this morning, she was fine with it and never showed any umbrage and just expressed remorse yet again.

On a side note we started to talk more about TAM since that's where I found out how to do it. She knew I visited support boards but never asked much about them. I relayed some stories that I've read here (Sham and CB) and told her about posting ours. So I guess there's a chance she might be reading this now. If that's the case, Hi hunny!

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post #142 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-30-2011, 08:11 AM
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Re: 2 years ago today...

That was bad....

Like you, I saw those facebook instructions for the first time yesterday and totally snapped. I started the download and agonizing 1.5 hour wait for the file to be created. During that time I had mentally prepared myself as to what was going to or not going to happen that evening. My heart was beating out of my chest. I was physically sick….probably white as a ghost. I was not strong enough to keep from doing it.

I got the file and then found that due to the volume of messaging my wife has had, the message file only went back to 4 days post D-Day. So I saw nothing. Only saw that she has not contacted him via facebook since D-Day, which is a good thing actually.

I also immediately called my wife and told her what I had done. I don’t want to keep things from her. There is no excuse for me to do these things 10 months out. We are recovering and I have not snooped for a long time. It was just too much for me. And, I hurt her yesterday by doing that.

I got a lot out of this forum and especially this thread. I have a lot of respect for the people on this board. But this shows me that I need to take a break from TAM. I just don’t need to see things like I did yesterday. Yesterday was destructive to me. I’ll be around….but I just need to back waaaay off for a while.
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post #143 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-30-2011, 08:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

I've taken breaks as well so I understand it-guy.

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post #144 of 331 (permalink) Old 09-30-2011, 08:50 AM
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Re: 2 years ago today...

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well that was a bust

facebook started saving your chat sessions in with your message folder back in April or May of this year, so any chats done before then weren't in the archive. (they never did message each other facebook and only used chat)
I did that twice already, once last year, and another one yesterday. The archive data is still very limited. Just like your fWW, mine only chatted and talked on the phone, they didn't PM each other except for the initial PMs. No wonder she was saying that I could check her messages, because there weren't any. I know for sure they mainly chatted and use the phone because on DDay, I logged into my fWWs account and OM started chatting with me, assuming he was chatting with my fWW.

Also, it sure as hell doesn't have any deleted PMs either, only those that are still in the PM folder that haven't been deleted. Neither does it show who was on the friends list and who has been deleted. It only shows current friends.

The only thing I think the data download is good for is IF the WS has not had a chance to delete any evidence and they don't know that you have their password.
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post #145 of 331 (permalink) Old 10-14-2011, 01:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

today is the 2 year anniversary of my feeble attempt at exposing to the OMW- I hope people can learn from my mistakes here and do it quicker and with more preparedness

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post #146 of 331 (permalink) Old 10-14-2011, 01:56 PM
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Re: 2 years ago today...

Thanks AR. I did my OW contact not the best way but I do think it made things very awkward at work for the 2 so it helped in stopping contact.

I just read your whole story today and I want to comment on the sex part. Since I busted my h (he still denies and he's a computer expert so I can't run the same keyloggers ect on him to prove) on his poss EA, I have changed completely sexually. Of course entering my early 30's I have noticed myself wanting more and initiating more but since I found all the texts ect involving my H-I find myself hyper sexualized. I find myself wanting a MFM, I started looking on craigslist (partly to see if I could bust him on any posts he created but partly to see if any man would be interested in me) I made a fake gmail account and chated with men about how crappy I felt about myself (nothing sexual-I quit after one sent me a pix of his new baby).

I am not proud of what I have become My H and I are doing much better but I feel completely changed as a person. I don't like how high and twisted my sex desire has become. My guess is I am trying to treat my self esteem in this manner? Any advice? Ideas? My h and I have been having a lot more sex which is great but I want my old self back.
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post #147 of 331 (permalink) Old 10-14-2011, 02:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

I swear something happens to some women when they hit their 30's

as far as your sexuality goes, you can't change yourself- just keep the line clear between fantasy and reality. I actually just had an email exchange with another TAM member who was considering doing the whole MFM thing and when I outlined just how much goes into it she realized that it is much better left as a fantasy than actually trying to implement it. Do other things to simulate with your husband what you like about the MFM scenario (like using toys for DP) instead.
The one thing that no one ever says about swinging is how much it can be a huge waste of time. Putting aside the risk of STD's, running into dangerous possibilities and crossing boundaries, it just isn't worth it in my opinion.

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post #148 of 331 (permalink) Old 10-14-2011, 02:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

BTW- if you husband is high tech then go low tech- use VAR's and have him followed

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post #149 of 331 (permalink) Old 10-14-2011, 02:21 PM
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Re: 2 years ago today...

dumb question: Does radio interfere with VARs? My h listens a lot in the car and loudly.
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post #150 of 331 (permalink) Old 10-14-2011, 02:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: 2 years ago today...

Well it will pick it up, but it won't stop the recording, I would also assume he would turn down the radio to talk on the phone
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