You know. I've been told, by my therapist last year, and now here that I'm depressed. Interesting how I've tried to deny it. I don't know how that denial has served me, but it's what I've done. I've gone and made an appointment with my family doctor finally too. Yay for depression meds! :-P
I wish I could. Help costs money. I've got none to spare. Hence I'm doomed to work this out on my own. You guys here have been a big help so far...barring the one thread I created, where I was being told that everything my wife and our former therapist now tell me is a lie, that I had to delete.
Thank you.
I was there 5 -6 years ago. Really, really down. So broke I slept on my firend's couch for two years while I dug out financlally. Cried on breaks while trying cases. It was horrendous.
But, you just keep fighting and inch by inch dig out. Many times I felt like just ending it.
You can beat this , retribution.My life is really nice now, I have a condo, two cats, a nice girlfriend and my kids love me.
One guy on the internet read my stuff and we started talking on the phone a lot. He really helped me and we are great frineds.
You'll meet some great folks on these sites, folks who care and who know what this feels like.
My XW has never confessed or apologized and never will. I don't care anymore. She is dead to me.
See your doc and take care of you. Progress is slow but it hapens.
Almostrecovered:
Sitting in my room I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to overcome this aspect .I have been following your story very closely and I really like the way you have turned things around for yourself.
Originally Posted by Hijo
Log into the account. In the upper right corner, click the little down arrow and go to "Account Settings".
On the account page, at the bottom is a link to download an archive. You may be asked to re-enter the password for the account. Depending upon the amount of data on the account, Facebook may take a while to collect the data and zip it up.
Between the time you request the archive and the time you actually download it, you need to watch the email account associated to the facebook account like a hawk.
FACEBOOK WILL EMAIL A NOTIFICATION TO THAT EMAIL THAT "YOUR ARCHIVE IS READY FOR DOWNLOAD" WHEN IT COMPLETES THE ZIP FILE. Be ready to kill that email and remove it from trash immediately.
So, before you snag an archive from facebook, make sure you have full, uninterrupted access to the associated email and your WS is not monitoring the email. (Asleep, at work, etc).
I did that with my STBXW FB account, but the archive is only a snapshot of the actual data ... I hoped it would have also deleted messages
You know. I've been told, by my therapist last year, and now here that I'm depressed. Interesting how I've tried to deny it. I don't know how that denial has served me, but it's what I've done. I've gone and made an appointment with my family doctor finally too. Yay for depression meds! :-P
Great idea looking for free help. It is certainly available in my area.
Divorce works best if your wife wants to reconcile and you want to punish her. Whether or not you divorce you still have to deal with the pain. As a matter of fact I think the feelings of anger towards your spouse can be worse because then you also have a divorce to blame on them.
Statsitically, 35% of couples recover from infidelity. More if the husband cheats than the wife. However, 80% of couples that divorce wish they had stayed together and worked it out. The downside to divorce is devastating for most couples, financialy, emotionaly, devastated kids, etc.
There is much you can do for your self to improve your life whatever you decide to do.
In addition to meds. Excercise is the single greatest thing you can do. Weight lifting (not in excess) for me is like taking a be happy pill. Mentally, it stops almost all negative thoughts for awhile and litterally makes me feel good the next day too. It is just an attitude adjustment and a set of weights is relatively cheap. When you are straining and counting, balancing , trying not to get crushed(LOL) its hard to dwell on negative thoughts.
Books you need to read:
His Needs Her Needs, Five Love Languages, No More Mister Nice Guy,, Married Man Sex Life (Most Important)
You can be strong and lead your family out of this mess. If it were easy the girl scouts could do it. ( Just an old construction saying so lay off any political correctness)
Girl Scout cookies are quite delicious. I rather enjoy them. Think I'll have to put this one off as you guys have convinced me to turn over a new leaf on my health.
I feel bad putting all this on Almost's thread. Maybe I should start my own. Just give the word, Almost, and I'm outta here.
chapparal, thank you for the suggestions and the statistics. Where did you find those, by the way? I've tried looking for stuff like that and most of what I find seems unreliable at best, and it's never consistent with the stats I found previous. Stats are almost an obsession with me right now. I really want to know what my chances are. From those stats, it's looking grim.
The one stat I don't understand is the 80% who divorced and wished they hadn't. I don't get that impression from the divorcees here, or the ones I know, but I'm no statistician either.
I did try exercise in the beginning of this whole mess. It was always with my wife. I was so dependent on her that I couldn't be seperated from her for almost any reason. I was like a little puppy dog that needed attention. Pathetic. I quickly let depression and apathy stop that for me though. Now I'm 20 pounds heavier than when I started this whole mess, and the soda addiction's not helping there either. It really is time to get the ol' ticker beating again.
While my wife does want reconciliation, she's been awesome (if you can call an adulterer awesome), I don't love her anymore. Not after what she did to our formerly good marriage. I've seen far too many people in my life stay after an affair, and it just doesn't work out. Sure they claim happiness and a good marriage. One that's "better and more fulfilling than before the affair", but it never works out like that in the end. Most of those couples I've seen end up divorcing years later. One couple I recall, as I was growing up, seemed so happy. Despite that outward happiness I had no clue why, as a child, I felt severe wierdness with this couple until I found out their "first" child was really just the result of adultery with another man. Then out of the blue one day, 20+ years after her first adultery, former-adulterating-wife runs off and starts slvtting around with more strange men. The husband was devastated. She ended up commiting suiced 3 years later and he died of a heart attack 5 years later. I saw how the past 20-30 years of his life were wasted in an instant. "Happy" memories with no real current basis for them to flourish on. He went on to marry a wonderful woman, but that only lasted for 3 years before death took him. He was in his late 40's. I don't want that. I saw my wife's grandparents go through something similar, and I'm now watching similar problems distance my wife's parents from each other as well. I suppose this is the biggest reason I'm so sceptical of any real recovery from an affair.
On the books, maybe they'll help me with my future relationships, though I'm not even sure I want another relationship. Five Love Languages was good. My wife and I read it a few year before the affair. I just wish it had done more to stop an affair. Women just have a knack for making me feel lower than I ever had before. Before my wife, it was a girlfriend who led me on and then told me that she owed her abusive ex another chance. Talk about feeling low when you lose your love to somebody who hits, yells, and treats women poorly.
Enough of my problems though. Time to end them and get on with making a happy life.
Girl Scout cookies are quite delicious. I rather enjoy them. Think I'll have to put this one off as you guys have convinced me to turn over a new leaf on my health.
I feel bad putting all this on Almost's thread. Maybe I should start my own. Just give the word, Almost, and I'm outta here.
chapparal, thank you for the suggestions and the statistics. Where did you find those, by the way? I've tried looking for stuff like that and most of what I find seems unreliable at best, and it's never consistent with the stats I found previous. Stats are almost an obsession with me right now. I really want to know what my chances are. From those stats, it's looking grim.
The one stat I don't understand is the 80% who divorced and wished they hadn't. I don't get that impression from the divorcees here, or the ones I know, but I'm no statistician either.
I did try exercise in the beginning of this whole mess. It was always with my wife. I was so dependent on her that I couldn't be seperated from her for almost any reason. I was like a little puppy dog that needed attention. Pathetic. I quickly let depression and apathy stop that for me though. Now I'm 20 pounds heavier than when I started this whole mess, and the soda addiction's not helping there either. It really is time to get the ol' ticker beating again.
While my wife does want reconciliation, she's been awesome (if you can call an adulterer awesome), I don't love her anymore. Not after what she did to our formerly good marriage. I've seen far too many people in my life stay after an affair, and it just doesn't work out. Sure they claim happiness and a good marriage. One that's "better and more fulfilling than before the affair", but it never works out like that in the end. Most of those couples I've seen end up divorcing years later. One couple I recall, as I was growing up, seemed so happy. Despite that outward happiness I had no clue why, as a child, I felt severe wierdness with this couple until I found out their "first" child was really just the result of adultery with another man. Then out of the blue one day, 20+ years after her first adultery, former-adulterating-wife runs off and starts slvtting around with more strange men. The husband was devastated. She ended up commiting suiced 3 years later and he died of a heart attack 5 years later. I saw how the past 20-30 years of his life were wasted in an instant. "Happy" memories with no real current basis for them to flourish on. He went on to marry a wonderful woman, but that only lasted for 3 years before death took him. He was in his late 40's. I don't want that. I saw my wife's grandparents go through something similar, and I'm now watching similar problems distance my wife's parents from each other as well. I suppose this is the biggest reason I'm so sceptical of any real recovery from an affair.
On the books, maybe they'll help me with my future relationships, though I'm not even sure I want another relationship. Five Love Languages was good. My wife and I read it a few year before the affair. I just wish it had done more to stop an affair. Women just have a knack for making me feel lower than I ever had before. Before my wife, it was a girlfriend who led me on and then told me that she owed her abusive ex another chance. Talk about feeling low when you lose your love to somebody who hits, yells, and treats women poorly.
Enough of my problems though. Time to end them and get on with making a happy life.
I'm so sorry ret
whether you stay married or divorce I pray you find happiness again.
Almostrecovered: Thanks for taking the time to tell your story - I found it inspirational. As a WW seeking reconciliation, it lifts my heart to see your story and where you are today. Thank you.
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Re: 2 years ago today... 
