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post #136 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 01:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

A lot is happening right now.
There is ACTION going on.
She has given me her phone and told me way more than info than I even asked for.
You know the sticky or the tactic when talking with a cheater.... she tells you something, and you say "And?" she tells a bit more and you say "and?"

Her fog is lifting, and she canceling her lawyer (I'll know for sure by tomorrow).

In other words, she is an open book and if she wants to go to trial for custody - she's opened her self to be taken complete advantage of.

I need to see more action today in a few hours actually. And I'll explain more later. There is so much crap involved that would take pages to explain (I won't do it).

PS: yes, we're still going to court because that train has left the station.

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post #137 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 04:25 PM
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Re: This blew up today.

Like Eric said your wife is not growing up.

You are smarter then this my friend,you are around 40 so use your BIG head just this time.

Your wife just realized she is going to lose :

1. money
2.comfy life
3. you as her suporter and man who will arrange partys for her so she can drink more,use drugs and do things with others--while you aproved all of this

Dont forget this : she visited your son ONLY ONCE since she moved out with OM !!!

Is this clear to you and her feelings about you and your son ?
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post #138 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 04:58 PM
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Tador.
Did you find out if the guy dumped her, cheated on her or something?

I know you believe it is because she is getting served but maybe find out for sure if you haven't already.

Also, I know it sucks but you cannot trust a drug addict.
She may be sincere and she may well recover but that should be something you monitor my friend.
Monitor it well and reintroduce her back to your life slowly.
I say that because we all know you are going to take her back. Even you know it.
Also, no one knows how it will work out either.
Just don't be in a rush to let her back in

Last edited by Keepin-my-head-up; 01-20-2016 at 05:03 PM.
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post #139 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-20-2016, 05:19 PM
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Re: This blew up today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
A lot is happening right now.
There is ACTION going on.
She has given me her phone and told me way more than info than I even asked for.
You know the sticky or the tactic when talking with a cheater.... she tells you something, and you say "And?" she tells a bit more and you say "and?"

Her fog is lifting, and she canceling her lawyer (I'll know for sure by tomorrow).

In other words, she is an open book and if she wants to go to trial for custody - she's opened her self to be taken complete advantage of.

I need to see more action today in a few hours actually. And I'll explain more later. There is so much crap involved that would take pages to explain (I won't do it).

PS: yes, we're still going to court because that train has left the station.
All seems good. Regardless of you open marriage, what she was doing was cheating and also not behaving like a wife or mother.

Sorry I can't remember are exactly are you getting divorced/separated/or whatever. But court is now the only option.

If she continues to show consistent correct actions then maybe you can get together again.

To me alcholics often seem like split personalities. Be careful that is not just the sober her that does the right thing, while the drunk her carries on regardless.

"Life wasn't meant to be easy;
but take heart, parts of it can be delightful."
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post #140 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 01:16 AM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Be smart View Post
Like Eric said your wife is not growing up.

You are smarter then this my friend,you are around 40 so use your BIG head just this time.

Your wife just realized she is going to lose :

1. money
2.comfy life
3. you as her suporter and man who will arrange partys for her so she can drink more,use drugs and do things with others--while you aproved all of this

Dont forget this : she visited your son ONLY ONCE since she moved out with OM !!!
Is this clear to you and her feelings about you and your son ?
I am. I still very much love her, but here are some updates to you. But don't reply until you see my post a bit lower.

1 - I don't have much money, not enough to to bother.
2 - Apartment.
3 - Only drugs she used was pot and medication. I'm going in with her when she sees her docs to make sure she updates them on her drinking problem. I wasn't aware of how much she was drinking and such. This was hidden and she admits this now.

She has seen our son a few more times, but the problem was that she started DEMANDING I take our son to "their place" and to spend the night, etc. which was B-S!

So I got her served faster so I wouldn't need to. So yeah, I was spending a few weeks prepping up my affidavit and filings. She had scheduled to see a lawyer tomorrow, but a change of plans when she got served.
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post #141 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 01:19 AM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keepin-my-head-up View Post
Tador.
Did you find out if the guy dumped her, cheated on her or something?

Also, I know it sucks but you cannot trust a drug addict.
She may be sincere and she may well recover but that should be something you monitor my friend.
Monitor it well and reintroduce her back to your life slowly.
I say that because we all know you are going to take her back. Even you know it.
Also, no one knows how it will work out either.
Just don't be in a rush to let her back in
No, he didn't dump her. I just helped her take ALL her things out of "their" place. (more on my next post). Shes an alcoholic, but actually not too bad - considering.

Yes, she agreed to full transparency. We have to rebuild, we want to rebuild. And yes, I've already taken her back (kind of). And we HOPE it does work out. We got a lot to work out.
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post #142 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 01:56 AM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

OKAY, my update.

She asked to see the baby. She had to prove she was "clean" - which I verified. We started talking, NOT arguing. And discussed what went wrong and our solutions came to us too late. So we decided to go to couples counseling. But there's more. Her place of work is toxic. The owner is an alcoholic, he and his employees drink on the job, they do after parties, etc. He's a control freak and the type of person who plays people against each other and watches the chaos. So yeah, this sick bastard helped even put my wife and this guy in an apartment when she ran off. (He was sleeping at friend's places).

So, we started being honest with our feelings. I'm not going to write a book, but here are the basics.
I already knew she didn't have a lawyer yet and I wasn't worried. I have plenty of evidences of her problems with video, pics and audio.
She said she does love me and wish things didn't turn out the way we did.

So, she started talking (this is with messenger, so things are documented) and later more-so in person (which I recorded). She finally told the truth about things. Gave me the name of the lawyer she was going to meet. Opened her phone to me. Told me things I didn't know, without ME asking her "...and?" Said the night before, the OM had brought over friends and did cocaine and have been passing out in bars. She was seeing the fantasy was just that. Things I warned her about, were already happening.

So, she agreed to my terms. No lawyer. She OFFERED AA and to go into rehab herself. Which we've already started that process. I've ordered an electronic breathalyzer too for our own uses.
I said she needed to move out and be with her family, which she agreed. She sent me the work schedule so I can see when THEY are working (So we can move her out without OM there).
So I said, "Let's do it Friday". But she said, let's do it "tomorrow", which was yesterday now.

When OM went to work, I was on my way. Since much of her things were still in boxes, this made it easy. A friend came along with a car so we moved all her stuff out in two trips.
He had given her a romantic Christmas "gift" which is what a boyfriend gives to a girl... its kind of cool in all, but of course I hated it for what it represented and seeing it on FB pics and the family was not pleased.
I told her "You have to destroy it". She said "Lets both destroy it with a hammer" - which *WE DID destroy it*. Got it on video and got before and after pics.

That was the last thing we did and we walked out the door.

She has QUIT her job!
I will have access to her phone and will remove ANY software that shouldn't be there "What'sAPP", etc whatever.
GPS location will be turned on so I know where she is.
She's agreed that I will have full custody of our child. She will not have a lawyer. She will do court-required AA meetings. Her rehab starts after court, next week.
She will live with her family while we work on ourselves. And yes, we have been kissing and feeling NORMAL again... mostly.

I moved her and her stuff to across town where the OM doesn't know, so she can stay with her parents. They'll protect and keep any such influences away.
She's agreed to NO contact, but we both know that both of our phones will be blowing up tonight.

You see, the drunkboy went out drinking with his buddies after work, so the bar's close in about 15 minutes. So I think in about 30 minutes, My Phone is going to go off. If he says a few key words and I'll send the police over to him. I know he's not back at "HIS" place yet because my phone is quiet.

She's making a point to prove herself worthy. She has been drinking way more than usual, and this is what I've learned from AA and Al Anon people. Also, the booze has messed up her prescription medications, one of them would have eventually killed her. One of the others will cause confusion. So as of lately, she says she hadn't had a drink in 4 days so her head isn't so foggy. Again, there is NO alcohol in my home.

We've already got a mediator to draft the agreement for the Judge next week when we go to court.

Also, when I took her to her family, which included her sister and brother and some teenagers. She apologized to them for the damage she has caused to everyone.
She handed them my affidavit and other served paperwork, SO they KNOW what I am accusing her of. And we talked, but mostly me - what we were going to do.
They agreed that I should have custody and are happy that she wants help and is making THE EFFORT to get that help.

So yeah, to me - she has shown real emotion. She is very sorry for everything and knows I forgive her, but not forget.
She wants to be a mom again. And as far as our kinky sex life... we'll go over that - as we never really did that properly. Where we messed up was that she was trying to please me and when she should have told me her feelings. She also thought I had a thing for certain women, etc. In general, we're going to stay kinky - but we're going to go monogamous or very very limited play. She does like women too, after all. But over all, we want to live life with each other.

All this has happened in the past 36 hours. So we have a lot to do and its's going to take a while to get there.

BTW, our friends and family support us getting back together.

I'll update after court or after emoboy starts going nuts when he walks into an empty apartment.
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post #143 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 07:28 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
In general, we're going to stay kinky - but we're going to go monogamous or very very limited play. She does like women too, after all. But over all, we want to live life with each other.
LOL... still holding onto that for dear life, I see.


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post #144 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 07:53 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

Take this for what it's worth, but you're rug sweeping. Her realizing the crap sundae that she served herself and running back to you isn't remorse, it's acting in her own self best-interest.

And she'll do whatever you say right now, but since she's not remorseful it doesn't mean a damn thing.

You can act towards a conciliatory path, and you are right to realize that there is a lot of work to do, but just understand her motivations at this point. It sounds like you do, but at this point it's easy to let emotions steer the ship. Just don't let that happen.

----
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post #145 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 08:44 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

Mistakes are human nature..... they are meant to learn from.

Repeating mistakes...... are another matter


A-Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
B-We know what we are, but know not what we may be
C-Never make the person in your present pay for the sins committed by people from your past
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post #146 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 10:27 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

Well... this took a turn.

Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. It's like, you wake up every day and it hurts a little bit less, and then you wake up one day and it doesn't hurt at all. And the funny thing is, is that, this is kinda wierd, but it's like, it's like you almost miss that pain.
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post #147 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 10:47 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

Two threads, two cheaters who suddenly show remorse and the guys eat it up droppng all the progress they made to move forward. Well, everyone has to bump their heads a few times before they get it.

She was doing drugs and is an alcoholic, but it isn't that bad? Come on now, get out of your own fog, you have a child and the kid can't have two lost parents. Stop thinking with your penis and protect your child.
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post #148 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 10:52 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

Quote:
Originally Posted by phillybeffandswiss View Post
Two threads, two cheaters who suddenly show remorse and the guys eat it up droppng all the progress they made to move forward. Well, everyone has to bump their heads a few times before they get it.

She was doing drugs and is an alcoholic, but it isn't that bad? Come on now, get out of your own fog, you have a child and the kid can't have two lost parents. Stop thinking with your penis and protect your child.
She knows how to manipulate him.

I think I'm afraid to be happy. Because whenever I get to happy, something bad always happens.
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post #149 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 10:55 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

I think what people are saying is that infidelity aside, do you really want to be married to a woman who not only has it in her to leave you for another man, but also has it in her to ignore her child, take drugs, etc.

I don't know about anyone else, but my wife would literally mow down a shopping center with an uzi to stop someone from taking her child from her for a single day. In any state of mind she would do it. It's built into her fiber.

Women like that exist.

----
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post #150 of 655 (permalink) Old 01-21-2016, 11:00 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

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Originally Posted by TaDor View Post
OKAY, my update.

She asked to see the baby. She had to prove she was "clean" - which I verified. We started talking, NOT arguing. And discussed what went wrong and our solutions came to us too late. So we decided to go to couples counseling. But there's more. Her place of work is toxic. The owner is an alcoholic, he and his employees drink on the job, they do after parties, etc. He's a control freak and the type of person who plays people against each other and watches the chaos. So yeah, this sick bastard helped even put my wife and this guy in an apartment when she ran off. (He was sleeping at friend's places).

So, we started being honest with our feelings. I'm not going to write a book, but here are the basics.
I already knew she didn't have a lawyer yet and I wasn't worried. I have plenty of evidences of her problems with video, pics and audio.
She said she does love me and wish things didn't turn out the way we did.

So, she started talking (this is with messenger, so things are documented) and later more-so in person (which I recorded). She finally told the truth about things. Gave me the name of the lawyer she was going to meet. Opened her phone to me. Told me things I didn't know, without ME asking her "...and?" Said the night before, the OM had brought over friends and did cocaine and have been passing out in bars. She was seeing the fantasy was just that. Things I warned her about, were already happening.

So, she agreed to my terms. No lawyer. She OFFERED AA and to go into rehab herself. Which we've already started that process. I've ordered an electronic breathalyzer too for our own uses.
I said she needed to move out and be with her family, which she agreed. She sent me the work schedule so I can see when THEY are working (So we can move her out without OM there).
So I said, "Let's do it Friday". But she said, let's do it "tomorrow", which was yesterday now.

When OM went to work, I was on my way. Since much of her things were still in boxes, this made it easy. A friend came along with a car so we moved all her stuff out in two trips.
He had given her a romantic Christmas "gift" which is what a boyfriend gives to a girl... its kind of cool in all, but of course I hated it for what it represented and seeing it on FB pics and the family was not pleased.
I told her "You have to destroy it". She said "Lets both destroy it with a hammer" - which *WE DID destroy it*. Got it on video and got before and after pics.

That was the last thing we did and we walked out the door.

She has QUIT her job!
I will have access to her phone and will remove ANY software that shouldn't be there "What'sAPP", etc whatever.
GPS location will be turned on so I know where she is.
She's agreed that I will have full custody of our child. She will not have a lawyer. She will do court-required AA meetings. Her rehab starts after court, next week.
She will live with her family while we work on ourselves. And yes, we have been kissing and feeling NORMAL again... mostly.

I moved her and her stuff to across town where the OM doesn't know, so she can stay with her parents. They'll protect and keep any such influences away.
She's agreed to NO contact, but we both know that both of our phones will be blowing up tonight.

You see, the drunkboy went out drinking with his buddies after work, so the bar's close in about 15 minutes. So I think in about 30 minutes, My Phone is going to go off. If he says a few key words and I'll send the police over to him. I know he's not back at "HIS" place yet because my phone is quiet.

She's making a point to prove herself worthy. She has been drinking way more than usual, and this is what I've learned from AA and Al Anon people. Also, the booze has messed up her prescription medications, one of them would have eventually killed her. One of the others will cause confusion. So as of lately, she says she hadn't had a drink in 4 days so her head isn't so foggy. Again, there is NO alcohol in my home.

We've already got a mediator to draft the agreement for the Judge next week when we go to court.

Also, when I took her to her family, which included her sister and brother and some teenagers. She apologized to them for the damage she has caused to everyone.
She handed them my affidavit and other served paperwork, SO they KNOW what I am accusing her of. And we talked, but mostly me - what we were going to do.
They agreed that I should have custody and are happy that she wants help and is making THE EFFORT to get that help.

So yeah, to me - she has shown real emotion. She is very sorry for everything and knows I forgive her, but not forget.
She wants to be a mom again. And as far as our kinky sex life... we'll go over that - as we never really did that properly. Where we messed up was that she was trying to please me and when she should have told me her feelings. She also thought I had a thing for certain women, etc. In general, we're going to stay kinky - but we're going to go monogamous or very very limited play. She does like women too, after all. But over all, we want to live life with each other.

All this has happened in the past 36 hours. So we have a lot to do and its's going to take a while to get there.

BTW, our friends and family support us getting back together.

I'll update after court or after emoboy starts going nuts when he walks into an empty apartment.



Quote:
Originally Posted by sparrow555 View Post
This won't be the end of it. This will be a long song and dance and Tador will take her back again only to be burned again.

Prediction 2: This will happen again. This time, she will report him for DV or abuse and get a RO on him. It will be helpful for her in the divorce and custody.

Quote:

When OM went to work, I was on my way. Since much of her things were still in boxes, this made it easy. A friend came along with a car so we moved all her stuff out in two trips.
He had given her a romantic Christmas "gift" which is what a boyfriend gives to a girl... its kind of cool in all, but of course I hated it for what it represented and seeing it on FB pics and the family was not pleased.
I told her "You have to destroy it". She said "Lets both destroy it with a hammer" - which *WE DID destroy it*. Got it on video and got before and after pics.
.
You dumbass!!! At this point, emoboy is a much decent person than your wife. He gave her a gift and she flaunted it on FB. Now she betrays him too. And din't you warn him about her cheating on him ? How ironic is it that happened to be you ?

Buy some extra lube. You will need it.

Last edited by sparrow555; 01-21-2016 at 11:05 AM.
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