Re: This blew up today.
OKAY, my update.
She asked to see the baby. She had to prove she was "clean" - which I verified. We started talking, NOT arguing. And discussed what went wrong and our solutions came to us too late. So we decided to go to couples counseling. But there's more. Her place of work is toxic. The owner is an alcoholic, he and his employees drink on the job, they do after parties, etc. He's a control freak and the type of person who plays people against each other and watches the chaos. So yeah, this sick bastard helped even put my wife and this guy in an apartment when she ran off. (He was sleeping at friend's places).
So, we started being honest with our feelings. I'm not going to write a book, but here are the basics.
I already knew she didn't have a lawyer yet and I wasn't worried. I have plenty of evidences of her problems with video, pics and audio.
She said she does love me and wish things didn't turn out the way we did.
So, she started talking (this is with messenger, so things are documented) and later more-so in person (which I recorded). She finally told the truth about things. Gave me the name of the lawyer she was going to meet. Opened her phone to me. Told me things I didn't know, without ME asking her "...and?" Said the night before, the OM had brought over friends and did cocaine and have been passing out in bars. She was seeing the fantasy was just that. Things I warned her about, were already happening.
So, she agreed to my terms. No lawyer. She OFFERED AA and to go into rehab herself. Which we've already started that process. I've ordered an electronic breathalyzer too for our own uses.
I said she needed to move out and be with her family, which she agreed. She sent me the work schedule so I can see when THEY are working (So we can move her out without OM there).
So I said, "Let's do it Friday". But she said, let's do it "tomorrow", which was yesterday now.
When OM went to work, I was on my way. Since much of her things were still in boxes, this made it easy. A friend came along with a car so we moved all her stuff out in two trips.
He had given her a romantic Christmas "gift" which is what a boyfriend gives to a girl... its kind of cool in all, but of course I hated it for what it represented and seeing it on FB pics and the family was not pleased.
I told her "You have to destroy it". She said "Lets both destroy it with a hammer" - which *WE DID destroy it*. Got it on video and got before and after pics.
That was the last thing we did and we walked out the door.
She has QUIT her job!
I will have access to her phone and will remove ANY software that shouldn't be there "What'sAPP", etc whatever.
GPS location will be turned on so I know where she is.
She's agreed that I will have full custody of our child. She will not have a lawyer. She will do court-required AA meetings. Her rehab starts after court, next week.
She will live with her family while we work on ourselves. And yes, we have been kissing and feeling NORMAL again... mostly.
I moved her and her stuff to across town where the OM doesn't know, so she can stay with her parents. They'll protect and keep any such influences away.
She's agreed to NO contact, but we both know that both of our phones will be blowing up tonight.
You see, the drunkboy went out drinking with his buddies after work, so the bar's close in about 15 minutes. So I think in about 30 minutes, My Phone is going to go off. If he says a few key words and I'll send the police over to him. I know he's not back at "HIS" place yet because my phone is quiet.
She's making a point to prove herself worthy. She has been drinking way more than usual, and this is what I've learned from AA and Al Anon people. Also, the booze has messed up her prescription medications, one of them would have eventually killed her. One of the others will cause confusion. So as of lately, she says she hadn't had a drink in 4 days so her head isn't so foggy. Again, there is NO alcohol in my home.
We've already got a mediator to draft the agreement for the Judge next week when we go to court.
Also, when I took her to her family, which included her sister and brother and some teenagers. She apologized to them for the damage she has caused to everyone.
She handed them my affidavit and other served paperwork, SO they KNOW what I am accusing her of. And we talked, but mostly me - what we were going to do.
They agreed that I should have custody and are happy that she wants help and is making THE EFFORT to get that help.
So yeah, to me - she has shown real emotion. She is very sorry for everything and knows I forgive her, but not forget.
She wants to be a mom again. And as far as our kinky sex life... we'll go over that - as we never really did that properly. Where we messed up was that she was trying to please me and when she should have told me her feelings. She also thought I had a thing for certain women, etc. In general, we're going to stay kinky - but we're going to go monogamous or very very limited play. She does like women too, after all. But over all, we want to live life with each other.
All this has happened in the past 36 hours. So we have a lot to do and its's going to take a while to get there.
BTW, our friends and family support us getting back together.
I'll update after court or after emoboy starts going nuts when he walks into an empty apartment.