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post #76 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-01-2016, 05:43 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

It is a shame that your kid has this to deal with but it sounds like you are much better off this way.


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post #77 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-01-2016, 06:36 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

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Well, she lied again about things WE agreed to do to rebuild our relationship. The next day, I notice a hickey on her neck and she finally admitted she's been cheating.

I've already getting my legal ducks in order. I've already packed all her crap (carefully with love) and about to load up and take her to her "new home" in an hour or so.

She's a drunk and can't think about whats she's screwing up, I need take care of whats left of the family - FIRST.

With my mind clearing *now* with reality and realization, I am going to be going be a free-agent, start dating again. But of course, I am in no condition to date or have sex with anyone at this moment.
I'll spend the next few months healing myself and going to the gym. I've got 40lbs to lose anyway and makes it easier for me to pick up chicks. I'll just date for fun, not looking for a girlfriend.

I've got a life-lesson that sucked, but I am seeing the positives.
I think that if you'll check beneath her waist line, you'll probably find at least a couple of matching hickies there! And let's just say that the chances are pretty damned good that you weren't the guy who put them there!

Quit living in denial and get your a$$ to your lawyer's office post haste! You deserve far better out of life!

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post #78 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-01-2016, 06:45 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

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Well, she lied again about things WE agreed to do to rebuild our relationship. The next day, I notice a hickey on her neck and she finally admitted she's been cheating.

I've already getting my legal ducks in order. I've already packed all her crap (carefully with love) and about to load up and take her to her "new home" in an hour or so.

She's a drunk and can't think about whats she's screwing up, I need take care of whats left of the family - FIRST.

With my mind clearing *now* with reality and realization, I am going to be going be a free-agent, start dating again. But of course, I am in no condition to date or have sex with anyone at this moment.
I'll spend the next few months healing myself and going to the gym. I've got 40lbs to lose anyway and makes it easier for me to pick up chicks. I'll just date for fun, not looking for a girlfriend.

I've got a life-lesson that sucked, but I am seeing the positives.
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Tador, she is now in a new relationship and you are the outsider. Things may change, but two things are certain -

1. Nothing that comes out of her mouth will be the truth.

2. You just protect yourself financially IMMEDIATELY. Her boyfriend is whispering in her ear likely as you read this, and you can sure as hell be assured that in addition to getting laid he'd love his alimony-rich girlfriend to fund his next five years of drinking. TALKING TO A LAWYER HAS LITERALLY NO DOWNSIDES. YOU MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST EDUCATE YOURSELF. You are literally the only person who can protect your child, let your paternal instincts make that lawyer appointment


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More especially that appendage of her BF's!
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post #79 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-01-2016, 10:07 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

Go research dude. I mean REALLY research. Open marriages fail at nearly the same rate as regular marriages. Yes, you'll find some that work, but those that don't tend to end just like yours. Male or female, ignore the gender bias both do it, at some point a partner may decide I like this one we tried out better than you. Poof marriage is gone.

Sounds like this is what happened to you.
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post #80 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-01-2016, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

I'm working on things on the legal front. I'm doing discovery type stuff and in the middle of my log of everything "bad" she has done that is true... including assault.

@phillybeffandswiss : Again, we failed to communicate - in which case, we'd would have limited our open marriage to only a few times a year (to prevent bonding) or nothing at all.
Her drinking was a major problem to me anyway. I don't like the idea of living with alcoholic for the next 20~30 years, unless she got treatment and AA.
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post #81 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-02-2016, 03:02 AM
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Re: This blew up today.

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Go research dude. I mean REALLY research. Open marriages fail at nearly the same rate as regular marriages. Yes, you'll find some that work, but those that don't tend to end just like yours. Male or female, ignore the gender bias both do it, at some point a partner may decide I like this one we tried out better than you. Poof marriage is gone.

Sounds like this is what happened to you.

I agree Philly. I can list 15 reasons against open marriages and you are right, their failure rate are as bad despite the spin but OP won't care. You hit one of them on the head. Why go back to store brand when you can have Basking Robbins.

I just hope he learns from this
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post #82 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-02-2016, 03:51 PM
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Re: This blew up today.

Wait a minute. Your wife earns only 800 dollars. How about you ? Talk with lawyer as soon as possible,because of the custody rights and alimony.

I dont know about US standards but here in Germany 800 dollars/euros is really low.

How will she manage this will all alcohol,swinging and stuff like that,preapre your a$$ my friend.

Lawyer,lawyer,lawyer.
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post #83 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-02-2016, 03:53 PM
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Wait a minute. Your wife earns only 800 dollars. How about you ? Talk with lawyer as soon as possible,because of the custody rights and alimony.

I dont know about US standards but here in Germany 800 dollars/euros is really low.

How will she manage this will all alcohol,swinging and stuff like that,preapre your a$$ my friend.

Lawyer,lawyer,lawyer.

She was blowing $800/mo. With no way to show where it was going.
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post #84 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-03-2016, 12:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

First, it was about $100~200 a month, these things happen to any of us... buying toys or clothes or a repair job.

But no, only in the last two months have so much money disappeared and I was going to have a sit-down talk with her about this, but things blew up before that happened. A lightly touched on it earlier, which she said "clothes and food" - but since I was with her when she bought such things... it still didn't add up to $800 of missing funds (I had counted such items).

As I am still writing out the details of her actions, reflecting back over the past year or so - and I am finally seeing problems from afar. This affair is the result of alcohol & drug abuse that she was hiding from me. I'm going to Al-Anon meetings which are helping me a lot.
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post #85 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-06-2016, 10:46 PM
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Re: This blew up today.

My first instict was to abuse the hell out of you for being such a moron but ill keep this short and sweet.

Your an imbecile for having such a lifestyle that deserves everything he gets.

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post #86 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 07:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

Each their own, Sports Fan. As we see by the stats, pure 100% Christian monogamous married people ALSO cheat on their SOs and run away. Duggars anyone?

We've been doing this for quite a while - and yes, this was a pitfall I wouldn't done - but I trusted her not too. She's been hiding her alcoholism from me for a while. Other problems have been hidden from me that I've discovered lately have been saddening. I've been busy with a lawyer, while she has been partying, drinking, drug-use and other things that she is been so nice to post on her FB. She hasn't seen our kid but twice since the new year which should tell you something, which I am also dismayed about. I've been going to Al Anon meetings three times this week which has been an eye opener! I suggested she try AA, but she "doesn't have drinking problem".

So I'll be a single father and will be looking for a much more stable woman and learn from my mistakes. Next time, I won't IGNORE my gut-feeling again!

I will update status of divorce & custody. I hope it will be rather quick.
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post #87 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-09-2016, 09:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

Had I caught on earlier and acted correctly, we could have resolved our problems and ejected the OP/OG (Other person / Other Guy) as he has poisoned her mind with BS, booze and drugs.

In other words, our problems were not really that bad, mis-communication. Without the OG, I'd work with her on her past trauma (sex abuse) which I am learning its effects which is drinking to cope.

The past *IS* the past, you can't go back and fix was was fixable once it's broken. I see now, the many times I might have been able to saved my marriage.
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post #88 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-10-2016, 02:39 PM
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Re: This blew up today.

She visited your son only twice !!! What a mother

You should find some way to notarize this or put on paper some way,because it will help you a lot with the custody. Also her drinking problems can help you.

You are learning my friend and next time be sure to find a good woman just for yourself,dont share her with others . You will be much happier belive me.
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post #89 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-12-2016, 02:51 AM Thread Starter
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Re: This blew up today.

Unfortunately, I still love her. Its a bit how I am built. She was groomed and had a fun drinking bang buddy.

But at the same time, that TRUST has been broken. So to me, it's stupid to even consider reconciliation. She'd have to jump over flaming barrels. She was groomed into a romance, its a fantasy.

But while she parties, I've been making a hammer that's going to drop soon.
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post #90 of 644 (permalink) Old 01-12-2016, 03:57 PM
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Re: This blew up today.

She is enjoying her rising dominance.

In your relationship, she was younger and shorter and female, and so has always played a more passive role.

Your lives have moved on, you've both got older, more knowledgeable, more assets, more comfort money (even if it's just equity security).

Her hormone levels are changing, I noticed you've been together for 5 years, perchance it was about 1.5 - 2.5 yrs before the marriage? Making that 7yr period?

Previously she's been ini flirt/game playing mode with others, more "following your direction and the contract" that acting her own [internal] dialogue.

With the young new guy that's changed. He really is a sub, and by the sounds of it really dependent. This gives her a safe zone, in which she truly is the Dominant, and with the shift in hormone, a more active one at that.
This is coming through into your relationship as she doesn't completely compartmentalise.

So Cucky-boy, you have to work out how to regain the dom role without being a whiny ass. Can you trust your partner in the long run? How is your wife going to be herself _and_ get the "value of her life" out of the relationship between the two of you, with you both being more indpendently dominant?

Been in the scene a while, and you don't know how to train a dom yet ?
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