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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-01-2011, 03:20 PM Thread Starter
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husband ended affair-now what

My husband ended his 4week affair yesterday. Last night he seemed very down and kind of distant. He said he thinks we both need a couple weeks or so of just letting things die down, being together, being close and staying busy. He wanted to end the affair (I didn't give ultimatum or neither did other woman) but he said it is still hard because he has feelings for her. Also he is used to texting her a million times a day. Can someone please tell me if this is normal? I feel like it's an addict going thru withdrawals. Obviously I am happy about his choice, but I am scared. I know it was just yesterday. But I need some insight/advice on what to anticipate immediately after the affair stops. We have a marriage counselor. But obviously haven't been to him since the affair ended. Thank you.

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-01-2011, 03:27 PM
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Re: husband ended affair-now what

The distance, depression and anxiety are all quite normal if not required. It will take some time for him to work through it all. Give him a bit of space for now but start to plan on what you need to do to reconnect in your marriage.


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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-01-2011, 03:36 PM
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Re: husband ended affair-now what

My H went through the same thing; he also compared it to withdrawal people suffer as they stop any addiction. You have to heal and just love him as he goes through process. My H told me supporting him after he hurt me showed him the depth of my feelings. He will have to accept and own up to what he did- not easy. This board is a great place to get help. Good luck with your reconciliation. Your marriage won't ever be the same, but it can be stronger.
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 09-01-2011, 03:49 PM
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Re: husband ended affair-now what

Be careful in giving it time to die down that it doesn't get swept under the rug. The two of you have a lot of difficult work to do to successfully reconcile. It's painful work but doing it successfully can really improve your marriage in the end. If it's swept under the rug it will just fester and be sore spot until it is eventually dealt with.

Be sure to keep inspecting what you expect - that he maintains no contact. It's very easy to fall back into contacting an AP.
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