Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 04:09 AM Thread Starter
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Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

I was never the perfect husband. I must admit that before I ever share my story

Being the responsible husband that I am, I always find ways to bring money to the table. To give our two kids the best future. But despite all these, i found out that my wife has cheated on me three times. First affair was with her co-worker (1st job). Second was my Best Friend. And thirdly, another co-worker (2nd job)...

I must have been a horse in my past life to be treated like this.

I still love my wife and I don't want to leave her. Our kids are the two most beautiful human beings in world. And I don;t want them to be destroyed with my wife's imperfections.

The 1st time I caught my wife cheating was thru her emails and chat logs. I was never a person that put meaning to things but how can i not react if all the things that they are doing i can read the trails. It was painful. Me and my wife had many sleepless nights crying over what had happened. And then I realized that i love her so much that i am willing to forgive her. And so I did. I accepted her with full trust. 2 years have passed and then she's back doing the same thing. During those years, I really thought that we are ok. I never suspected that she is doing anything behind my back. I thought she was faithful. So imagine when I found out about the 2nd and 3rd affairs.... i was devastated. I was destroyed to pieces. I wanted to die.

this time is very difficult. I asked her to involve her parents and so we did. Being the woman i loved the most, i still couldn't break the story to parents, siblings and friends. I don't want them judging her in any way. My wife is really a nice person. She a great mother. A great friend. And I really a great wife. We never have problems about sex. We both are hungry for it. She told me all about the things they are doing and i was never angry about it. What really put me in depression was the after effects.

Right now, she is trying to earn my trust. Almost every night she is crying. Despite all these, i still don't want to see her cry. But I am trying not to give in to fast because i got burned the first time. She would always say that i am the only man for her. That she always needed me. But honestly, i am trying to believe her now. The wound is now much deeper. I don't know if i will ever heal...........

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post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 04:55 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

I am not trying to be harsh---but why are you here

You did nothing the 1st time, she cheated---she cheated with 2 others---now all you do is profess your love for her, and basically do nothing---so what is it you want

She is not the wonderful nice person you think she is, you just refuse to take off your blinders---once again why are you here, as you just keep on forgiving, and doing nothing
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post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 06:58 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

have to agree with jnj. She is a serial cheater. She is not carrying on affairs with these guys because she loves/loved them. She is having sex with them and then coming home to you. She has no boundaries and will do it again. You worry about your kids. Just how healthy do you think bringing them up with a skank mom and a cuckold dad is? The fact is that for all the love you have for your children, they are still living in a dysfunctional home. No mention of STD testing. Or the fact that your wife can pass on oral herpes to them from drinking from the same glass or even a kiss. Oh and just to clear something up. Great mothers don't sneak off to spread their legs for strange men. Great wives don't come home dripping semen from other men. Great persons don't destroy families. Hey, just a quick question. Any of these guys married? They must be nice guys. Your wife thought so. Maybe invite them over for a picnic with the whole family. Wise up, dump the skank and start focusing on your kids. Get some therapy, being married to a serial adulteress will cause your kids a world of hurt in the future.
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post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 07:25 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

She got caught three times. When does she have time for these affairs. Three times may well just be the tip of the iceberg.

Again, what are you looking for?

"She would always say that i am the only man for her." She has proven this just ain't so. Has she suggested you can sleep around too?

Last edited by Chaparral; 09-05-2011 at 07:29 AM.
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post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 07:49 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

Well the positive thing here is three times a charm, in the fact that your blind trust has gone. That is the best thing that could happen to the both of you.
I strongly suggest that you take this privlage (blind trust) away from her for good. She has no longer earned that right, period.

As history has proven no matter what she says do not give this blind trust to her again, it will be a consequence that she can choose to except or move on.

This crap is addicting to her but you can't control her she has to fix this for her self. If she doesn't take some real steps in getting some help, I would think that it will continue, but for the sake that she does deside that this is the time to change then great, another consequence she must face.

I hope you see were this is going ....."consequences"

Now that were speaking about change, your up.........

She has three strikes, in my state they put you in jail for the rest of your life.

But, you need to really look into changing, how you manage your self. This crying has to stop, I'll say it again, this crying has to stop! Its unattractive. Women want attractive men that are confident. As you beg for your marrige you empower your wife to continue. Can you see this? Showing her how weak you really are is telling your wife that even though its bad to sleep with OM, my H will allways forgive me.

What I'm suggesting is reinventing your self to show her you will no long take crap from her or anyone else, and she will no longer hold you hostage with my children. She need to see a new man with such confidence and additude that if it ever happens again you will for sure move on. Keep in mind I'm sure you have told her "you would leave if she did it again" ? well stop telling her and show her a mans man that will succeed with or with out her and is more then caplable of giving your kids a good axample of a strong alpha male.

So please take the step to read up on as many self help books as you can to make the changes with in your self. I have a feeling once you find your old self with new behaviors things will come together for you. Remember these changes aren't for her, there for you in attempt to help you heal.

You can't control her so don't try, she is broken and has some work of her own to do, but after all that she has done it ain't about her any more, its about you and the changes you need to make to regain you self respect back.

So please focus on your self take care of your kids, for once in your life put your wife on the back burner and do this change.
I'm not say dump her she will do what she wants but you are at a cross roads here and its time to take the turn for your self this time.

I know its hard. For years I have come to the same cross roads and have always made the turn that was easiest and for my wife, only to have her continue in her unhealthy behavior. Please take the turn that is hard and it my push your wife away it may not. In
my case it brough my cheating wife to make the healthier choices, knowing that I was no longer a man to be reckoned with. In my case I just had to start caring about my self and wake up to the fact that I was not living life the way I wanted, in fact I wasn't living a life my wife wanted. Once I changed I have now found the respect that I command and others in my life see this and things are now coming together.

Last edited by the guy; 09-05-2011 at 07:53 AM.
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post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 08:30 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

Oh boy, talk about being your friendly neighborhood cuckhold. Let me get this straight; she slept around, got caught, and you forgave her. Now, there is a second and third time (that you know about) and you are still trying to figure out what to do because you love her so much, right? Am I still on course here?

The reason why she is still fooling around is because you never set any boundaries to begin with. There are no consequences for her if/when she gets caught so why should she stop? Anyone? Bueller?

I love my wife and kids as much as you do but the difference is that I was not willing to allow her apologies and tears to mask up the fact that she discarded her vows to get some from another source. I was willing to get the lawyers involved and deep-six the whole thing if she would've continued to see the OM. I didn't give her time to 'think about it' nor did I care who knew about her careless actions and what it would do to her vaunted reputation because she put the entire family (not to mention my health) at risk. Our bank accounts are now separated because if in the event she decides that she wants another, my $$$ won't be involved in it. As someone said earlier, great wives don't come home to their spouses with their kitties soaked from catching someone else's semen. Nor would they deny you sex because their stuff is too banged up from getting bent over by another dude for you not to tell the difference.

At this point, it makes no sense to even approach her about having an open marriage because she will likely say no and you will cave in because that is all you've done so far. Even if she gives you the okay, you won't move because you're too scared that it might hurt her feelings. You have proven how weak and needy you are to her so far by crying like some emo; that's what teenaged girls do after their 22-year old boyfriends dump them. You are NOT showing strength to her by doing this; you reek of desperation, that you will never, EVER find another girl if she's not with you. As long as you do this, she will cry in your face, only to go looking for another 11" personality to put down her throat and ride all night long.

That is your future if you don't locate your balls and fast. Show her that you are deadly serious by hiring an attorney and getting her served. The kids will be better for it and so will you.
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Last edited by Simon Phoenix; 09-05-2011 at 02:53 PM.
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post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 08:33 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

these your options

1- you can claim 1st,2nd and 3rd men on your tax deduction
2- Accept she will never change and she will do 4th 5th 6th ...
3- Be a man and leave this marriage, you should have told your family after 2nd affair.

you are healthy male, imagine if something happened to you in future, like being sick or cant walk or anything, do you think she will stay with you or atleast faithful?

not sure why you are here? are you expecting us to tell you its ok just go with it, its normal and happens to anyone? Wrong, you need to man up and have dinity and respect for yourself. women could cry and never mean it.
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post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 08:52 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

Dude, some of us have a much higher tolerance to accepting garbage. I WAS one of those people. Through therapy and from help on this board and from friends, I finally had my balls descend and will never accept this type of behavior from my wife again (or anyone for that matter).

My wife is signing a post-nup (or we're getting LS, or D, as her only choice if one of the three). No more fostering of new guy friends. . . FOREVER going forward. She can speak with her toxic friends, but no more hanging out/going away with them.

Basically, our marriage is on permanent probation where if I ever feeling like she is under appreciating what I've endured and built for our family, I'm out. . . no maintenance for her.

Maybe some wouldn't agree on my approach at this point, but it is the best I can offer. If she doesn't like it, I told her she is free to request D, and I will respect her for it.

This is key to your situation - gain the strength to walk away from her. When she realizes you truly can move on without her, you will see change.
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post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 09:00 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

Lots of harsh reality here for you to soak in. It is painful but you need to hear it. You are a nice guy, how bout checking out "no more Mr Nice guy".

If you want to stay with her, I would suggest the post nup, total transparency, std clean bill of health and counseling.

There is no way she has had only 3 affairs, many more you don't know about. Sad to hear his for you and your children.
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post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 09:07 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

I agree with all of the other posters. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. She continued to have unprotected sex with 3 different men putting herself and you at risk for STD's. What does that say how she views you and her family?

You made a huge problem by not exposing her actions. There are no consequences to her actions. She has humiliated and disrespected you in the worst possible way. Why would you love a person who clearly gets off hurting you in such a horrible way? Would you want your children to grow up and marry a person who would engage in such humiliating activities to them?

She has seen how painful her actions are to you yet continued to do it anyway. She knows no matter how much she humiliates you - you will still stay and tell everybody how wonderful she is. What is wrong with this picture?

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post #11 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 09:36 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

Wow. You know what you caught 3 of her affairs. Clearly this woman has had more. She has no love or respect for you, and the tears are about HER getting caught. She apparently had no problem cheating over and over, but getting caught is hurtful and emotional?

Sir you are bring played. You have been a doormat and let her sweep the cheating and men under the rug after a few tears from her.

Other than that she has had no consequences. So of course she cheated again. SHE will in the futur too if you keep accepting it likrpe you have.

You continue even here to spew enableming lies fir her: She is NOT an nice person. She is NOT a good friend. She is NOT a good wife. She is an ongoing cheater who lies to her husband without problem, and who regularly has sex with other men. She has no love or respect fir you or the marriage.

Please don't just let her keep doing it. Please stand up to this hurtful hateful woman and demand she accepts consequences. Please stop being the clueless doormat you have been for her.

Has she stopped her current boyfriend? How will she prove it? Will she submit to a polygraph? Will she come clean?
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post #12 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 09:37 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

Oh and go get the kids DNA tested. With a perpetual cheater such as her, there is a very good chance you are raising one of her affair partners kids.
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post #13 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 09:52 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

As harsh as all these replies are they are truely looking after you through there own experiences. The tough love approach is not about attacking you but tring to convience you to man up.

As you can see these replies are not holding back any bunches, these replies are the realty of being able to see through the trees.

We are simply looking at this without any emotional connection to the sitch. Its hard to take this 2x4 to the head. But the hope is to wake you up with this blunt truth of your actions, and in the hope of changing your thinking....not attacking you.

Sorry you feel so weak, I know the feeling, but you must stand up.

Its not what knocks you down that matters, its how you get back up that counts.
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post #14 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 10:15 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

Originally Posted by Shaggy View Post
Oh and go get the kids DNA tested. With a perpetual cheater such as her, there is a very good chance you are raising one of her affair partners kids.
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Good point. These DNA paternity tests are very accessible and cheap. Do an online search.
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post #15 of 30 (permalink) Old 09-05-2011, 10:28 AM
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Re: Wife Cheated 3 Times and I Still Love her

You seem like a very nice guy. How is that working for you?
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