Re: The emotional roller coaster of rebuilding the relationship
Ok, here we go...
He agreed to give me some time to deal with this and to come to terms with the it before making any changes or moving out. After a lot of badgering he allowed me to read the messages between them. That was painful. They were reminiscing about their sexual acts and he said he missed her bed. He dreaded telling me, because he knew I wouldn't accept it. He told her I'd want sex with him and that he'd have to tell me what they'd done. When she'd said I'd hate her, he said I already did because she was more beautiful than me. Then she made some joke about it always being good to be hated. One of the reasons this hurt so much is that I am not a hateful or jealous person, it felt like he didn't know me at all.
We scheduled mc, but had to wait a few weeks. Meanwhile he refused to cut contact because she was a friend, and he wouldn't cut out a friend just because I told him too. He never had romantic feelings for her. The reason he wanted divorce was that his vacation on his own he had been happy, but he was depressed at home. Every weekend I went away he did contact her, and the last time he deleted the messages, plus changed all his passwords. This was only for a few weeks tho, so all in all not mush contact. And the messages he deleted was only 3 som not substantial. I know this because his phone only saves a set number and I could see how many was missing. Before that weekend we had made a lot of progress but after that we had to start from scratch and he was just as ready to leave me again.
At some point he stopped his antidepressants which helped, and only a couple of months after dday he was determined to make our marriage work. He was not ready to say he loved me again until mid October.
Through this whole time I could see that he was not himself, I could even see it in his eyes when I looked at him. I was so determined to see him as himself again, and I'm glad he has been himself for a while now. He just started IC which he is exited about and had to wait a while for. He is determined to work on himself and be a good husband to me. Since that last weekend he has only heard from her once, he instantly showed me the text and then deleted it.
I will probably share more details later as they come to me...