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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 09-06-2011, 03:15 PM   #31 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

^ Thank goodness you changed your avatar, Mori. The ball of fire/head/face thing was scary.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:21 PM   #32 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

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^ Thank goodness you changed your avatar, Mori. The ball of fire/head/face thing was scary.
minor thread jack
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Sorry Jelly my avi scared the willies out of you. I was in a wicked evil kind of mood. I hope the new avi doesn't make you air sick - if it does, let me know.

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end of thread jack.


Mary,

Follow Jelly's advice. This lady knows her stuff.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:22 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

The way things keep going I think you are going to become a mother, and your husband will have a huge surprise... Keep messing around with someone else and your chances of becoming pregnant are doubled.

If you really cared, you wouldn't have done any of this. You don't care, don't lie. Tell your H the truth and let him decide what he wants. If he does decide to stay with you, I bet you won't see this guy anymore.

If you care about your M stop hanging out with your friend and her X, she apparently isn't a very good friend and she cares about your relationship with your H about as much as you do.

Stop lying to your H, stop lying to yourself, just stop lying!

I'm sorry this just hits home because I am in the military and I'm so sick of hearing and dealing with sh!t like this. This is not acceptable, you do not support your H while he does nothing but support you. You are selfish! Marriage is about give and take, not take and take some more.

You don't want your family to know?! Well that sucks because they have the right to know what the h3ll you have been doing. You apparently can't stop yourself from doing this shaddy behavior, so let everyone know, they will put a stop to it I bet.

Grow up! If you want to ruin your own life have at it, but stop ruining your H's for your own selfishness, own up to your actions and pay the price. You're an adult, you knew the consequences and yet you still did it mutiple times. Now it's time to own up to your actions and face the consequences. If you want to have a future with your H, you had better tell him, I promise you it's a lot worse if he finds out on his own.

You had better hope your husband loves you A LOT more than you love him. Tell him everything and ask to go to MC, and I guess all you can do is pray that he will want to stay with you.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:24 PM   #34 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

Quote:
Originally Posted by morituri View Post
Sorry Jelly my avi scared the willies out of you. I was in a wicked evil kind of mood. I hope the new avi doesn't make you air sick - if it does, let me know.
I quite like the new avatar.

OP--if you feel so guilty/bad, why do you continue to go over to the OM and OW's house???
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:38 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

I just told him. I am insane right now. Like I don't know why I am not crying cause my emotions are going insane.

He came home from work. I pretty much told him right off the bat, he walked away to the bedroom and he asked how many times. I told him, and he just took off. I think he is going to their house. I don't know.

Thanks for the responses. I really do appreciate it. I love him and that's why I told him, cause right now it is about him, not me. Thanks for making me realize that so quick.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:42 PM   #36 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

You did the right thing. Now please go get tested for STDs.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:43 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

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What does me getting a job have anything to do with this? We aren't financially unstable. The bills get paid plus some. I was going to get a job, and my husband is the one that doesn't want me to work.

As far as me getting pregnant with the OM, I'm on the birth control. I admit, no protection but he never, well did his thing inside me.
Mary, really the financial situation is not the root here. Having something to do OTHER than the friend is.

You are afraid to tell your husband but in the end he will figure it out. Take a few hours to read the other threads on this forum, almost every one deals with someone finding out about an affair and there are THOUSANDS of threads here.

If your worried he would throw you out, that is the risk you took when you make the decision to cheat, and YOU did MAKE that decision. It can be spun a dozen ways but you knew it was wrong, they knew it was wrong and now your even hiding it from the friend. This will end badly if it is not ended by you, disclosed by you and repaired by you.

Plain, simple and as unbiased as I can be in this situation.

Q~
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:47 PM   #38 (permalink)
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first off....good for you for telling him, he had a right to know.

second...call friend and tell her to get out of the house!! She and her child doesn't need to be there. and if the d-bag is there, have her tell him it would be in his best interest for him not to be there either.

This will force him to home home and deal with you, and hopefully you can reason with him.

DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES! It happened, you're sorry, you don't know why you did it, but you'll do anything to try and make it better. ANYTHING else, and you're just putting the blame on him. Be honest and open. If he asks you a question answer with the truth. Keep us posted.

By the way, you're in shock and the true weight of what you did hasn't hit home yet. That's why you're not crying. Chances are you are pretty numb to everything.
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Old 09-06-2011, 03:53 PM   #39 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

You want to tell your H so thast good.

Own this sh~t and do not say one word about this being his fault.

You better me straight up and tell him you were weak and like the attention and the it was just sex.

No matter how much you don't want to hut him answer everyone of his question with honest.

So he will want to why,,again don't blame him tell him and don't tell him it just happened, or you don't know. Be honest.

He will want to no who, tell him

He will want to know were, "thank god you never used the marital bed....right?

The point to all this is to get the monkey off your back and let him know exactly what he's dealing with. Everything need to be out on the table or this will continue to eat at you so no matter how pain full if he want details tell him.

All of this honest information needs to be on the table so the both of you can learn from and prevent it from happening again. The more open you are the more you will learn about who you realy are. I guess what I'm saying is being honest with your self is a healthy step in healing. A direction you need to start heading in .....a mother that a child can be proud when the time comes.

I hope that you will learn something from this by being a women that has learned from the consequences of this bad behavior, in order to learn you must take the healthy, yes painful step in find out what you are made of as you grow.

Hoping later in life you look back at this and see the long term empty feel you had for a short simple pleasure that only lasted a night.
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Old 09-06-2011, 04:01 PM   #40 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

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I just told him. I am insane right now. Like I don't know why I am not crying cause my emotions are going insane.

He came home from work. I pretty much told him right off the bat, he walked away to the bedroom and he asked how many times. I told him, and he just took off. I think he is going to their house. I don't know.

Thanks for the responses. I really do appreciate it. I love him and that's why I told him, cause right now it is about him, not me. Thanks for making me realize that so quick.
Just breath deep, you did the right thing. Commit to full no contact with the OM and pretty much everyone who stays at that house - they are all enemies of your marriage. Give him complete transparency into your life. Give him all your passwords, access to your phone. Since he's gone for long stretches get a GPS tracker put in your car that he can check online. Whatever he needs to begin to restore his peace of mind and trust in you. Answer all of his questions honestly, willingly and gladly - no matter how many times you've answered the same question before. DO NOT LIE TO HIM AGAIN, if he catches you in any lie it will set him back hugely. Don't even lie to him about if you forgot to mail a bill - nothing - ever again. Be patient. His world just got stood on end. It will take him a while to process it. Take full ownership of what you've done, don't defect blame anywhere but on you - you did it - own it. If he wants you to tell your family, stand up and do it. Your committed now, so stand up and take all the consequences. The more you embrace the prices you have to pay ultimately the less they will be.

Good Luck. I've been there - hang in there.
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Old 09-06-2011, 04:02 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Own this sh~t and do not say one word about this being his fault.

You better me straight up and tell him you were weak and like the attention and the it was just sex.

No matter how much you don't want to hut him answer everyone of his question with honest.


Answer and all questions he has.

DO NOT LIE TO HIM ABOUT ANYTHING. Own what you did 100%. Be ready because things are going to get crazy. But you did the right thing by telling him so I commend you for it.

Delete all of their phone #s, emails and Facebooks from your contacts. Block them completely. Do this before he gets back so you can tell himyou have already taken that initiative.

What did you say to him???
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Old 09-06-2011, 04:08 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Default Re: i feel guilty but..

Assuming he comes back home and is not in prison already, tell him harming that POS won't do any good. He'll just end up in jail. Well, on second thought, that probably would just sound like you are trying to protect the POS (piece of sh__). Anyway, I hope his head cools before he finds that man.
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Old 09-06-2011, 05:19 PM   #43 (permalink)
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Open your eyes. You are having unprotected sex with another man behind your husband's back. You are putting your husband at risk for STD's. Your husband has a right to know to protect himself at the very least. This is not just all about you. You are being unbelievably cruel and disrespectful and humiliating to your husband.

How would you feel if your husband was doing to you what you have been doing to him? You are treating him like a fool. Does he really deserve this. Do the one honest thing and tell him the truth so he can decide what he wishes to do as well. I think the reason you do not tell him is because you do not wish to suffer any consequences. In addition, if you told him this cheating behavior would be over. By not telling him you could start up again anytime when you get bored. Your husband made a commitment to you and married you and this is the way you repay his love and commitment to him? Be honest and tell him the truth. It is the very least he deserves from you.
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Old 09-06-2011, 05:22 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Hello Mary,

I just saw your post that you told him after my first response. You did very well. I know that this is a painful and crazy time for you and your husband but you both can overcome this. You will now have a marriage based on honesty and respect and not one based on lies and deceit. You will become a better person because you told the truth. Good luck to you and your husband.
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Old 09-06-2011, 05:30 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Mary if he comes home and isn't in jail for killing someone cause that is where I would be in this case. You must never ever blame him or even suggest this happened because of anything he did.

You did it completely on your own.

You made the choice to betray him over and over

And I don't fir one minute buy that you are feeling guilty or bad.

I'm pro marriage but honestly your a person who can't be trusted with another person love or heart. Your selfish and hurtful

If you husband was on this board my advice would be to get the best lawyer be can and to put you on the street and never ever to speak with you again.

Why am I so harsh? Because you are an adult and you have over and over knowinginh chosen to cheat on your good husband and each choice showed just how little you care for anyone but yourself.
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