Re: i feel guilty but..
Here's some advice:
1. Like Jelly said, go get tested for STDs. You had sex with your husband last night and may have exposed him to one. Don't wait, do it ASAP.
2. End your friendship with GF and OM FOREVER. Write both them a NC (no contact) letter in which you explain that in order to save your marriage, you will no longer have anything to do with her and the OM. As some other member commented, she is no friend of yours or of the marriage. Show it to your husband and have him mail it.
3. Commit to total transparency where you lovingly allow yourself to become accountable to him for your whereabouts 24/7. Give him any passwords to your cell phone, email accounts, social networking sites, etc. Your commitment to adhere to this policy will be the foundation for his rebuilding trust in you.
4. Get yourself into IC (individual counseling) to address and resolve your overwhelming desire for male attention. I use the term overwhelming because while it is normal for a young married woman like yourself to be sexually attracted to other men besides her husband, you seem to lack the ability to observe marital boundaries when you find yourself feeling lonely. It's almost like you used the sex you had with the OM to escape from the problems you were having with your husband. Conflict avoidance? If you do go to counseling, invite him to join you as an observer and emotional supporter of your personal healing.
5. Recovery for your husband MAY take anywhere from 2 to 5 years. He's going to go through an emotional roller coaster ride where he's going to have days when his love for you will be unquestionable followed by days of despair and hopelessness regarding you and the marriage. It is important that you do not react to his lashing out at you during the low days because it is not so much he's angry with but angry at himself for being weak and unmanly by staying married to you. The problem is that we men are stubbornly bullheaded when it comes to asking for help via counseling and your husband may be no exception. For this reason, invite him to this forum where he can get the support he needs from other betrayed husbands, some of who happen to be military men. If he does decide to join TAM (talk about marriage) he'll see that he is not alone and that he is still as much a man as he's always been.
As Bryanp said, you and your husband now have an opportunity to build a happy and healthy marriage free of the lies and deception of the old marriage. But it is up to the two of you to put in the hard work to make that a reality.
"Let your madness run with mine" Links
Last edited by morituri; 09-07-2011 at 09:45 AM.