sam83

Marry I was harsh on u om my last post and I'm still little but I can't deny u look sincere in this good luck

NC letters forms could be found online easily get one and modify it little and print it wait till ur husband come home show it to him and tell him u want his approval on this to be send to ur friend and the OM then give him all ur passwords for e-mail accounts , fb , cell phone just everything I think this will mean a lot for him

good luck

crossbar

You really have to start thinking ahead. WHen your husband asked if you de-friended them on Facebook, you should have been able to say, that's already been done, I'll show you when you get home. Don't wait for him to TELL you. Remember, pro-active. By you HOLDING OFF on de-friending them showed him that you were HOLDING ON to them. That's just an example of where his mind might be going.

_mary

I don't think it was me trying to hold on to them longer, it really was me just waiting till he got home because I think when we block someone, the messages, taggs, etc. disappear and I wanted him to be able to go through it and see everything. So if he happened to go through my facebook, it didn't look like I was trying to delete messages and hide from him.

Thanks Pit, TBH, it was your post that made me realize I had to tell him asap. Because you said I was just looking for an excuse to feel okay with that I did and not own up to my actions. If I want to move on, I had to do with telling him and taking the advice of all the people posting here. So thank you. And thank you to everyone else.

I am writing all my passwords down now too.

Jellybeans

totally called the FB thing. Honestly, I would take it completely down. He isn't going to be very trusting of you right now. Get rid of it completely. You could even do one of those "hiatus" things they offer, where the profile isn't deleted but is there just in case in the future you want to sign back up. He will be happy to learn when he gets home that YOU took proactive measures all by yourself to delete it without him asking.

As for the OM's Girlf--if you do the NC letter--yes--tell her because she has a right to knwo he fcked around on her behind her back. Sure, she was ok when she was there, but the thing is, he betrayed her (and so did you). She deserves to know the truth.

She has slept with OM several times, not just this week. By now some STDs could have popped up. So she should get tested stat. Re: HIV--she can test now and then re-test in 3-6 months. (6 months to be for sure).

crossbar

Yeah, but you just told him you cheated on him. Do you really think he wants to see pictures of the guy you slept with? I would just have it done ahead of time.

_mary

Well I wrote the NC letter. Pretty much saying I don't blame her, I blame myself. And to save and move on with my marriage I have to end my friendship with her. I waited till my H got home and I showed him, I asked him if he wanted me to send it to her and he said yes. So I sent it. <The only problem is when you unblock a person, you can't do it again for another 48 hours.> So she responded.

then
I did respond. My I swear this is my last time ever. And I responded.


EDIT::

I'm not sure how my H was feeling yesterday. He asked me more questions and I answered all of them. He really wanted to go to my mom's house and I think he wanted me to tell her, but I couldn't do it. He didn't ask me too but I knew that is what he wanted. I told him I promise I would tell her, but I would like to wait till our emotions are a little calmed down. And he said okay.

He told me he wasn't going to leave me but that he thought about it. He said if it ever happened again he would leave. Of course. I'm just so afraid he is going to change his mind. I mean, he has every right. I know he deserves someone better than me. Someone who wouldn't hurt him the way I did, but that doesn't mean I want him to go. I love him so much and it just kills me inside everytime I think about it. I seriously hate myself for hurting him, putting myself in this situation. I am just lost.

I brought up MC, and he said no. I brought up just C for myself, and he said whatever I wanted to do, but he doesn't think I need it. I kept on telling him whatever he wanted me to do, I would. I also said that I wasn't expecting forgiveness right away and that forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. I'm not expecting him to forget and to trust me right away. But that I want to work through it and show him that I am a W that he is proud of.

Shaggy

Mary

One important point here. If you find yourself in the position of having to keep one of your so called friends secrets or telling it to your husband. Tell him. Your #1 loyalty is to him above all other people. Making sure he see this through your actions is what he needs.
Posted via Mobile Device

sam83

did u hand him the passwords ???

_mary

I think she meant just little stuff she told me. Like her past, etc. Not about the affair. And I don't think she is worried about my H, I think she is more worried that I'm going to start rumors in this small town of ours. But I'm not like that, so no worries there. But all and all, she is the last thought in my mind.

Yes, he already had my FB password. But I gave him my email passwords (even though it's just spam, but still)

sam83

did ur H saw al these conversations ?

and did u send NC to OM or just count ur friend will tell him ?

and what do u think about ur friend idea that you'll stray again

_mary

Ahhh. I typed this whole message and I accidentally pushed the back button. /=

Yes. He saw her response, but he hasn't seen my response back to her yet.

I just sent it to the GF, because seriously there was no relationship there with the OM. It was just sex. And I am positive that she will pass the word on to him and others. For a person who is afraid I am going to spread rumors about her, I already got a message from one of her friends telling me it was wrong for me blaming the GF for sleeping with the OM. I messaged her back, saying it's no ones fault but my own. I apoligized for the drama.

And she is only doing this cause I said I didn't want to be friends anymore. But I don't know what she was expecting to happen after this?

I realize that my H is wayyy more important than her. And I will do ANYTHING to prove. So if staying away from her forever is what it takes, thats what I am going to do. My only thing is she said that she was paying for my faults. What is she paying? Will hasn't been back since he was looking for the OM when he first found out and I haven't done anything to her.

bryanp

I think you are doing great but I think you also needed to be honest with her and tell her that you also had sex with
Bobby behind her back. If you are going to be honest then you need to be totally honest with her as well. Good luck.

_mary

I told her, she either doesn't care or to mad about me wanting to have NC with her.

Oh, and I called a local daycare and just sent them my resume. And I'm going to put my resume in for headstart and a subsitute aide for my county.

Being home alone while I sit in my guilt is driving me insane. I never felt this awful in my life. And I know that sounds I am being a drama queen but I really feel that way. I am thankful I found this board that I have a way to talk about everything in my mind. Thanks everyone.

PBear

My thoughts... You need to work through WHY this happened. You can't just brush it under the carpet and try to forget about it. If you don't, you're doomed to repeat it.

But good for you for telling him!

C

morituri

Mary, I'd like to say that your 'friend' promoted your marital betrayal because she is envious of your marriage. Look at the facts, she's a single mother with no committed relationship with her baby's father and an ex-BF who sees her as nothing more than a fu*k buddy. Just what every woman wants to have, right? She is a miserable piece of trash who wanted you to fu*k up your marriage so it could end in divorce and find yourself just like her. Notice how she lashed out to you even though you clearly stated in your no contact message that you were not blaming her for your actions. She is pissed because she'll no longer have the opportunity to poison your life and your marriage.

Another interesting thing is how much a hypocrite she really is. She had no problems with you cheating behind your husband's back but whoa if you and her ex-BF were doing the same to her. She certainly has an interesting set of double standards, don't you think?

I hope this experience serves as a lesson to you about the importance of choosing wisely the people you consider to be your friends and to avoid women like her who pose to be a friend but are really an enemy in disguise.

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"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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