I was googled "I cheated on my husband' to find someone to talk to because I don't have anyone to talk to and I found this board. I was hoping maybe I could find advice/help or maybe someone like me.
I haven't been married long. (2 years in November) And we are both young. (Both 21) I love him with everything I have. I don't want anything to happen between us and so on and so on. We've been through everything together. He is my support system, and we've gone through a miscarriage together..(about 2 years ago)
My dad got sick and he lives on the other side of the country so I flew out there for like 3 weeks to help him. Before I got back, my husband had to leave for 4 weeks for the army. So we haven't seen each other for a while.
I was at a girl friend's house just sleeping the night because I just didn't want to be home alone. Her baby's father was staying there and things just happened and we had sex. (My girl friend knew). After that I felt extreamly guilty and I really hated myself and I went back and forth if I should tell him. My husband got back and I decided I should keep it a secret and I told my girl friend how I felt and she understood but didn't at the same time.
I know this sounds soooo selfish but my husband works all the time and I just get bored and I just wish we had more time together. Like we won't need the money but then he volunteers to work on his days off. Then like he'll get a day off then he has to go to drill for the army.
So I was back at my friends house, and we had sex again. and again. Now we had sex 6 times and now it's kind of behind my friends back. And I'm just like why do I keep on doing this to myself?
We also moved away from all our family and friends. So I've tried to be like, I'm just not going over there anymore. But I am in this town by myself and she is seriously my only friend..and with her comes him. And with him is temptation that I can't resist.
You have to tell your husband! and stop all contact with the OM. If you want to stay with your husband you need to come clean. He has given everything to you and you are throwing it away. I'm the cheater in my situation, my husband is also military. I know what its like.
This has a strong likelihood of blowing up in your face. Just so you know. The ways to resist temptation...
1. Find some new hobbies instead of doing your friend's ex.
2. Find some new friends. This may go hand in hand with 1.
3. Confess to your husband.
4. Invest yourself fully into reconciling. Figure out what's broken in your marriage and fix it, and help your husband heal from the damage you've done.
Just curious, but do you have a job? How long has this been going on?
I know it's completely me. He hasn't done anything wrong. As much as it might seem like I'm putting the blame on him by saying he isn't giving me attention, cause that just makes me sound like a selfish biotch.
But I really really feel if I do come clean. He will make me leave. Maybe not leave me forever, but for a couple days. And the only place I have to go is back to that house.
Am I also wrong to be more afraid of my family finding out?
Sorry if my questions are like whoa. But I really want a judgement free answer. Like if I asked my gal friend she would just tell me what I would want to hear.
EDIT::
I don't have a job. I did, but I had to quit when we moved out here for his job. I was looking for a job but he told me he didn't want me to work. We are trying to have a baby and I have been going to the doctors and on birth control now so I can go back and get fertility medicine but I am actually really considering stopping because of this. Like all my life I wanted to be a mom. I know I will make an awesome mom. But how can I make a baby with my husband when I can't even stay faithful.
-Probably for a little over a month now.
It seems like you're avoiding telling him because you're embarrassed, and it may inconvenience you. Not really good reasons, in my opinion. And yes, you should be worried about your family finding out. It will be humiliating, and they will be disappointed in you.
However... If this comes out because you take ownership of your actions and what you've done, it should be much less painful. If this blows up and goes public, that's most likely your worst case scenario. And the longer it goes on, the worse it will be.
And as an FYI, I'm the one that cheated in my marriage. So no judging here.
Please don't have a kid until all this is worked out and behind you. And you'd do much better to get a job to keep yourself out of trouble. Idle hands, and all that...
Edit: and you've screwed this guy 6 times in a month? Where does your husband think you are? Or is he out of town still?
I was googled "I cheated on my husband' to find someone to talk to because I don't have anyone to talk to and I found this board. I was hoping maybe I could find advice/help or maybe someone like me.
I haven't been married long. (2 years in November) And we are both young. (Both 21) I love him with everything I have. I don't want anything to happen between us and so on and so on. We've been through everything together. He is my support system, and we've gone through a miscarriage together..(about 2 years ago)
My dad got sick and he lives on the other side of the country so I flew out there for like 3 weeks to help him. Before I got back, my husband had to leave for 4 weeks for the army. So we haven't seen each other for a while.
I was at a girl friend's house just sleeping the night because I just didn't want to be home alone. Her baby's father was staying there and things just happened and we had sex. (My girl friend knew). After that I felt extreamly guilty and I really hated myself and I went back and forth if I should tell him. My husband got back and I decided I should keep it a secret and I told my girl friend how I felt and she understood but didn't at the same time.
I know this sounds soooo selfish but my husband works all the time and I just get bored and I just wish we had more time together. Like we won't need the money but then he volunteers to work on his days off. Then like he'll get a day off then he has to go to drill for the army.
So I was back at my friends house, and we had sex again. and again. Now we had sex 6 times and now it's kind of behind my friends back. And I'm just like why do I keep on doing this to myself?
We also moved away from all our family and friends. So I've tried to be like, I'm just not going over there anymore. But I am in this town by myself and she is seriously my only friend..and with her comes him. And with him is temptation that I can't resist.
The above is the excuse list you have formulated. Husband gone all the time, only friend is this person or that person, left family behind, no time with husband, feeling guilty "but"....
Drop all excuses and shoot it straight with your husband.
Did you use protection? This guy is already one baby's daddy. If you aren't using protection, he'll be your baby's daddy too.
You are putting your husband at risk by having sex with someone else. If for any other reason, you should come clean because of this.
So you married at 19 then? Way too young, Honey. If I am you, I let my husband know and then start over. You are so young. Tons of time to make some mistakes and then get married instead of the other way around.
You will get a flat faced, straight up truth. A truth you need to face....
**mumble to self** Ugggggggggg. Don't do it Pit, just dont waste your breath. She wont listen. She just wants a way around paying the price for her actions, not help ***Sign out now Pit*** Just walk away***
whether you tell him or not, you have to stay away from that friend & him! find other friends, do whatever you need to to not be in that situation again. Honestly if you cant stop having sex & its to much temptation for you, you need to let your husband go, its not fair to either of you good luck!
I was at a girl friend's house just sleeping the night because I just didn't want to be home alone. Her baby's father was staying there and things just happened and we had sex. (My girl friend knew). After that I felt extreamly guilty and I really hated myself and I went back and forth if I should tell him. My husband got back and I decided I should keep it a secret and I told my girl friend how I felt and she understood but didn't at the same time.
So I was back at my friends house, and we had sex again. and again. Now we had sex 6 times and now it's kind of behind my friends back. And I'm just like why do I keep on doing this to myself?
Oy. This is dirty. I am not going to sugarcoat my response to you just to make you feel better (the truth hurts).
Youneed to stop doing this. Not only are you cheating on your husband, you are cheating with your girlfriend's baby daddy/boyfriend. In her own home! That is the ultimate worst situation ever. So incredibly dirty. It's wrong every way you slice it.
Until YOU change something, nothing is going to change.
I'm curious as to how the girlfriend let you back in her house after she knew her guy had sex with you there? Or are you meeting up with him behind her back?
Youa re right to be worried about what will happen when yur family finds out. Also, you mentioned feeling worried about this cause you think your husband will make you leave the home. Well, tough luck, dear. You play the game, you have to pay. This was a choice that YOU made and continue to make.
In your case, I would definitely recommend telling your husband. Because the friend knows and she is very liable to tell him herself... "Your wife has been sleeping with my boyfriend." The truth always reveals itself.
Get tested for STDs and stop being such a crappy friend to your girlfriend and stop sleeping with this other guy and betraying your husband. Choices.
You got married way too young. I don't think you are ready for marriage at all and never were. Stay single for a long long time. Because if you continue down this path, you will destroy every single relationship you ever have in your life.
But I really really feel if I do come clean. He will make me leave. Maybe not leave me forever, but for a couple days. And the only place I have to go is back to that house..
And what makes you so sure you are going to be allowed over to that house after you slept and continue to sleep with her boyfriend???
You reap what you sow, my dear. So while it's inconvenient to you, you need to start being an adult and own your behavior. Every action has a consequence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by _mary
Sorry if my questions are like whoa. But I really want a I don't have a job. I did, but I had to quit when we moved out here for his job. I was looking for a job but he told me he didn't want me to work. We are trying to have a baby and I have been going to the doctors and on birth control now so I can go back and get fertility medicine but I am actually really considering stopping because of this. Like all my life I wanted to be a mom. I know I will make an awesome mom.
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Re: i feel guilty but..
Your husband does deserve to know what is going on. It'll hurt like hell, but at least he'll have a choice about what his future will be like. As opposed to now when he is just being made a fool out of behind his back.
I do want to tell my husband. I hate always thinking about it, and I'm always trying to think of ways to tell him. And I do feel guilty. I know I sound cold, but the but comes in cause I feel guilty, but...I feel guilty for not feel guilty enough.
He knows I'm at my friend's house. I will stay there overnight even though I know I shouldn't. Like since he has gotten back, we haven't been the same. Not because of the cheating because I don't think he has the slightest idea. We don't really argue, we just completely ignore each other. When he was out of town, I only done it once, I've done it again five more times since he has been back.
Pit: TBH you are 100 percent right. I know I'm wrong. I joined this board and posted this topic because I wanted to people to be like, oh I'm doing the same thing, we should really stop. I have two thought processes..
1. I love my husband, he is my life. How could I do this? I want him to be the father of my babies. I want him to be my forever.
2. I like the attention that the OM is giving me.
Okay. I'm going to tell you the full story about the girl friend situation.
I was at her house and she lives with her young daughter and her ex boyfriend (not the baby daddy). The baby daddy/OM just stays there from time to time. We were all in the living room just chatting up and we started talking about how it would be if me and her messed around. Don't really know how it started after that, but it did..then it turned into a threesome between us. I know it's hard to say it just happened but it really just did.
The second time happened because I felt lonely, but husband was back but wasn't interested in having sex cause he was always tired from working, etc. I went over there, and had sex with him again while this time my friend watched. She pretty much said she didn't care as long as she was there or knew about it. But I know for a fact if she knew I did it without her knowing she would be beyond pissed. But if she went somewhere and me and the OM would still be there, we would just mess around.
I agree I should wait to get pregnant until I am out with my husband and confident nothing is going to happen again. But I don't know if you all are saying I should never have kids, or I wouldn't make a good mom. Because I think just because of this wouldn't make me a terrible mother. I have always wanted to be a mother since I was a teenager, at least I knew I had to wait then.
I do want to tell my husband. I hate always thinking about it, and I'm always trying to think of ways to tell him. And I do feel guilty. I know I sound cold, but the but comes in cause I feel guilty, but...I feel guilty for not feel guilty enough.
He knows I'm at my friend's house. I will stay there overnight even though I know I shouldn't. Like since he has gotten back, we haven't been the same. Not because of the cheating because I don't think he has the slightest idea. We don't really argue, we just completely ignore each other. When he was out of town, I only done it once, I've done it again five more times since he has been back.
Pit: TBH you are 100 percent right. I know I'm wrong. I joined this board and posted this topic because I wanted to people to be like, oh I'm doing the same thing, we should really stop. I have two thought processes..
1. I love my husband, he is my life. How could I do this? I want him to be the father of my babies. I want him to be my forever.
2. I like the attention that the OM is giving me.
Okay. I'm going to tell you the full story about the girl friend situation.
I was at her house and she lives with her young daughter and her ex boyfriend (not the baby daddy). The baby daddy/OM just stays there from time to time. We were all in the living room just chatting up and we started talking about how it would be if me and her messed around. Don't really know how it started after that, but it did..then it turned into a threesome between us. I know it's hard to say it just happened but it really just did.
The second time happened because I felt lonely, but husband was back but wasn't interested in having sex cause he was always tired from working, etc. I went over there, and had sex with him again while this time my friend watched. She pretty much said she didn't care as long as she was there or knew about it. But I know for a fact if she knew I did it without her knowing she would be beyond pissed. But if she went somewhere and me and the OM would still be there, we would just mess around.
I agree I should wait to get pregnant until I am out with my husband and confident nothing is going to happen again. But I don't know if you all are saying I should never have kids, or I wouldn't make a good mom. Because I think just because of this wouldn't make me a terrible mother. I have always wanted to be a mother since I was a teenager, at least I knew I had to wait then.
why r u writing here what r u waiting to hear from us oh damn it u did it with OM 6 times % with ur husband in town and 1 time ur OM kid mother watching I can't believe how crazy some people can be
your husband doesn't deserve this if u don't want to tell him then leave him and let me tell u honestly u r really not a good at all as u see u still think of yourself as one
12Likes
i feel guilty but.. 
good luck!
