GeoffV

Thank you all so much--I can't answer all of your questions but I have read each of your posts several times and you've given me a lot to think about. Here is an update:

My GPS told me that "Alice", once again, left work an hour and a half early, but today she went to the bar district that she frequents. I called and told her that if she had been drinking to just stay where she was for the night. She immediately went on the defensive, accusing me of spying on her (to her credit, she sounded completely sober, and I was). I calmly told her that I had no idea where she was and what she was doing and to not come home if she had been drinking. She then broke down and told me that her friend (who, a week ago, acted like a complete lunatic when I told her that I wanted my wife at home, rather than "supporting" her when she was expecting her ex-boyfriend to come pick up his stuff) convinced her that she needs counceling. This blew me away (I didn't show it), since my wife has violently objected to counceling in the past. I'm not getting my hopes up, but it's a start.

Entropy3000

Ummm. Not sure why you would tell your wife not to come home if she was drinking. Bad move sir. Now I agree she should not drive and drink. But she should take a taxi or better yet have you come pick her up.

No way would you want a woman to go out drinking and then not come home. That is enabling an affair.

chapparal

Sounds more like he has had a belly full and was telling her to kiss his a$$. I hope so. Time for wife to have a reality check.

GeoffV

At this point, I would rather "enable" her affair than her drinking problem. Why should I waste any more of my time by being her on-call chauffeur? If she's going to drink, she's going to drink.

Entropy3000

Right and telling her to stay out all night is going to have her drink longer and end up in bed somewhere other than home. Maybe you are hoping she will see this as a challenge and get her home without drinking.

I can see you being fed up. But this is why you are being encouraged to see a Lawyer.

Hey, please do man up and get upset by her actions. She is lying to you, drinking and cheating on you. I would be over the top too. I would not only tell her to stay out but I would change the locks. That said I am not as vulnerable at the moment.

GeoffV

Thank you, chapparal. I also don't want to have to deal with a drunk woman in the house, or thousands of dollars in legal fees.

GeoffV

Thanks for the insight. I had no idea that she was lying, drinking and cheating. As for getting upset, I'm well past that now, and, if you've been paying attention to this thread, getting upset is something that does not come recommended in this situation. Whether or not you are more vulnerable than I is questionable. If you are really interested in helping me, please refrain from commenting as I am no longer interested in what you would do if in my situation.

Locard

It might not be fair....but a woman won't respect a SAHD, and......affair.

GeoffV

Are you speaking as a woman, a SAHD, or someone else?

joe kidd

Sorry to hear about all this man. Has she admitted to cheating yet?

GeoffV

Hi joe kidd. No, she hasn't come right out and said it, but the fact that she agreed with her friend that she needs counseling tells me that she has (my wife HATES shrinks).

Entropy3000

No problem dude. I was showing you sincere empathy, but I will just watch from afar. I was referring to the fact that I am in a financial situation that would allow me to be more independent. Perhaps you are independently wealthy and do not need an income. Sorry you are sensitive about that but we all make our choices in life. I support your right to make your own life's decisions, but I think a SAHD is way more vulnerable in society as it stands today than a SAHM. Not saying that is the way it should be.

Sometimes in order to help folks we have to figure out where they are really coming from. No need to lash out at me.

I wish you the best of luck. There are some very good people on this forum. You have been given some great advice. Hope you take some of it for your children's sake.

*** Update: I think I was taken aback about this response. Offended? I would just say, that this is not about me. What matters is that people are helped by someone on the forum. Some people connect better with some folks than others. That is fine.

joe kidd

Hope it works out. Coming clean about her affair will be the only way to move forward IMO.

GeoffV

Thanks, joe, you are exactly right. Despite all the talk about lawyers and "manning up", I could forgive her if she would just admit to it. She really is a caring, wonderful woman, just a lousy wife. We'll see.

morituri

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"Man is not a rational animal, he is a rationalizing animal." Robert A. Heinlein

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