GeoffV

AniversaryFight

Geoffv

I wonder if you really need an advice or you just want people to tell what you want to hear. Entroppy was giving you good advice and seemed to be offended. Nothing will be better for your marriage if

1. You keep on be mr nice and boring, acting weak and emotional
2. You wont take a lead and reverse the role you have at the moment (her be the man, go to work, hangout, take charge and you stay home do what wives usually do in a real world)
3.Not get a job (unless you are wealthy)
4. Make firm boundaries to your wife

IF THOSE 4 WONT CHANGE YOU WILL KEEP ON BEING CHEATED, AND IF YOU WILL DEVORCE THE NEXT WIFE WILL DO THE SAME

If number 3 you are wealthy, then go get a hobby that will make you spend a day away from the house and let the kids go to daycare

Tall Average Guy

And this is exactly why you need to protect yourself. She is not looking out for you (or your children). She is looking out for herself. When you start to set boundaries, she is very likely to lash out and threaten you. Without understanding what your rights are, you will likely believe her and cave in. You will be miserable with no way out that you can see.

I want to be as clear as I can be:

I am not suggesting that you divorce your wife tomorrow. I am suggesting that you consult a lawyer to determine your rights so that you can set up a plan with knowledge and confidence about where you stand. You work for the best but prepare for the worst, especially in a situation like this.

GeoffV

Thank you, Tall Average Guy. I do understand what you are saying, and will speak to a lawyer. Despite how I may have come across in my last few posts, I am not making any excuses for my wife's behavior or taking this lying down. Aside from a comment that I found presumptuous and unhelpful, I have taken everyone's advice to heart, and do appreciate the time everyone has taken to help.

GeoffV

I'm not sure why you think I'm weak and emotional, or how you could possibly know enough about me to claim that I'm merely doing "what wives do", but I agree that I need to get out of the house more, and admit that I have been in a rut lately. In my defense, though, we live in a historic house and a lot of my time is taken up by maintenance and repair. The way we saw it, it made more sense for me to do the work myself rather than work full-time and pay someone else to do it, on top of child-care expenses. I've gained plumbing, electrical, carpentry and other skills that have saved us a lot of money over the years. I've also taken the occasional odd-job and make a little money from my hobbies. But, yes, as someone who identifies himself as a SAHD , I have allowed myself to become isolated (thanks, in part, to the way SAHDs are prejudged by some people) and too tied to this house. This whole thing has been a huge wake-up call.

Scottt

She's not "a drunk woman," she's your wife.

Let me make sure I have this right: You had GPS on your wife's car, so you could locate it to within at least 30 feet, or perhaps 3 feet, depending, and you had reason to believe she had been drinking and was being hit on by another guy. So you told her to stay put for the night? That doesn't sound very protective, to say the least. I'm truly baffled. I wonder how your wife would have responded if you had just shown up and offered to drive her home.

aug

She's a wife having an affair.

Therealbrighteyes

WTH? What in the world is wrong with a man being a SAHD and how does that make it HIS fault that SHE cheated? His profession has nothing to do with why she cheated. That was her choice pure and simple. A person who cheats makes a clear choice. They don't mull around telling themselves that they won't step out of their marriage because of their spouses profession.
Ridiculous.
OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. Please do see a lawyer at least to see what your options are.

GeoffV

If I had just shown up? By the time I drove to where the GPS said she was she could have driven somewhere else, or had been driven somewhere else. There are several bars in the neighborhood she might have gone to. Am I supposed to leave my kids, drive for an hour and hope I run into my wife? And FYI, GPS isn't an exact science.

GeoffV

Thank you for understanding, I am sick of people judging me for not assuming a "manly" role. I have made an appointment to see a lawyer.

GeoffV

Update: I told my wife the marriage was over if she didn't:

stop drinking

stop all contact with her affair

come home right after work

start seeing a counselor


She accused me of "threatening her". That's when I demanded she start seeing a counselor.

joe kidd

Well man , stand your ground. Best of luck.

Therealbrighteyes

The same people who say you aren't being manly wax on and on here about how there aren't enough good role models in this world for boys. I can't think of a better role model than a father who nurtures his sons. Cannot.

I am happy to hear you drew your line in the sand. Stand firm on that, do not back down!

chapparal

Stay strong and good luck.

AniversaryFight

you look like you are one of those
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