My husband told a coworker she was sexy and she turned him on.

realistic · 09-07-2011, 05:08 PM

the other woman is married. I emailed the woman and called her on everything. she said they were just friends and yes she thought my husband telling her that was inappropriate. And if she had known i thought hanging out after hours with opposite sex was inappropriate, she wouldn't have hung out with him.

The other woman, denied everything. She did nothing wrong. They were just friends.

Jellybeans · 09-07-2011, 05:10 PM

Wings is right--hadn't even thought abuot that--I have NEVER been to a man's bachelore party. Women don't typically go to a dude's party.

Is the other woman married? If so, out her to her husband. And do so without telling your husband or her beforehand.

Him changing his stories is not good.

And this could be me being paranoid but the whole story kinda reads like the woman was saying she'd "do it again" with the "hot friend" = threesome? And the condoms were for sex? And "do you want to go again" = have more sex.

I don't want to put ideas in your head but reading all the comments together, the picture gets painted that way for me. I mean it coulda been something a lot less crazy but who knows.

What do you mean by he was acting differently this trip. What was different? When he came back??

Explain.

Also, GET A VAR (voice activated recorder). Put it somewhere nondescript where he won't find it and record. You might pick up on something.

tacoma · 09-07-2011, 05:11 PM

realistic,

I can`t honestly piece together even a fair scenario that would fit those texts considering they are all the evidence you have.

I can tell you if I were in your shoes I would...

-Demand he no longer has anything to do with these co-workers outside of the job. No texting, calling, e-mailing, face booking..nothing.
-Inform him he has shown that since he can`t remain respectful when he`s away from you so he isn`t going anywhere for awhile.No out of town business trips until you regain some sense of security.
-I would check the phone bill for his text/call logs to see how often he is communicating with these women.
-Demand all his passwords e-mail/phone
-Place a VAR (Voice activated recorder) in his car

But that`s just me

HurtinginTN · 09-07-2011, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

My point of view: he didn't call much while he was gone, he extended his stay from 1 wk to 2 wks ( which he explained)"

What was the explanation?

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

So I was curious one night after he went to bed and read his texts. The first one said from woman "I will do it with her because she is my friend and she is hot". One from him said "got condoms, are you ready to go again?", one thanked him for giving him lisa's number, on from the woman said, " That was a wild night last night, do you want to go again?". Then of course, there was his "You are a beautiful sexy woman and you turn me on"

Wow. One, I don't think being hot has a correlation to singing karaoke. Two, are these in sequential order? I know it may be hard to remember, but if you had the dates and times for each text available, you would be able to put together a better picture. If the last one you listed came before the wild night, then got condoms, then will do it with her, it paints a totally different picture than the order you listed them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

I confronted him immediately after reading the texts. He told me nothing about any of it til then. .

That is not a good sign.

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

Oh yeah, halfway thru his trip, he dropped his phone in pool and i didn't work. Well, it started working a few days after he got back and that when i read the texts.

Again, do you have the date and time of the texts? Maybe check the phone log or the phone bill. Was it really not working or did he just tell you it was not working during that time to keep from getting interrupted?

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

the husband of the other woman was supposedly out with the whole group and the woman wanted to leave early and just rode back to the hotel with my husband and other guy. Most of the group stayed at same hotel. The were supposedly going to all meet back up at the bachelors hotel bar to hang out and that was what the condoms were for. They decorated the lights at the bar.

Suppose I'm out with my wife at a bar with several other folks drinking and partying. She wants to leave early and wants to ride back to the hotel with 2 dudes. Well, I'm thinking I would be the one taking her back to the hotel. That one sounds off, as well.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like there was much more going on than he is saying. I'd go back and check old phone logs to see if there is a pattern of calling either one of these women. It may have been going on for a while.

Jellybeans · 09-07-2011, 05:12 PM

Oh my. Well yeah, all of this was inapprop. especially speaking about condoms and a "wild night" with eachother. That just seems so weird to me.

...You have two threads going. I wrote on the other one.

Entropy3000 · 09-07-2011, 05:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

My husband was out of town for training for his job. A group of coworkers and him (including three women) went to a karaoke bar. They were all drinking. This woman's husband was there and make a comment about another woman. My husband said she was upset, so he told her He thought she was beautiful and sexy and she turned him on. There were other conversations that day by text with her. Including her telling him she would sing at the karaoke bar with this other woman because she was hot. Then later that night she rode with him and another man back to the hotel before they all met up again at one of the guys hotel to have a bachelor party. My husband and the other guy went and bought condoms as gag gift for guy at bachelor party. He texted this woman " Got the condoms, are you ready to go again?". He said it meant was she ready to go to the party with them again. All of this i found out when i happened to check his texts after he got back from trip. I was curious because he was acting different this trip.
I did call and confront both women. They say nothing happened and thought they did nothing wrong. They both said they thought of him as a friend only. One even replied to him after he told her she turned him on that she thought of him as a brother.

He is being jerk. This is way inappropriate. He has "boundary" problems.

realistic · 09-07-2011, 05:18 PM

Problem with phone logs: this is his work phone. And I have no way to get that info. All texts were on same night or day except - that was wild night.
I think it went: thanks for lisas number, lisa is hot, your sexy, got condoms, that was wild night.

Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.

realistic · 09-07-2011, 05:21 PM

His reason for extending stay was. The second class he took was full at first but there was a cancelation and he got in the class.

His phone was messed up when he first got home. But it cleared up.

Lon · 09-07-2011, 05:23 PM

realistic, you are plainly not getting, or not willing to accept, the whole truth here. Without knowing the extent of his innapropriate behavior you can't make an informed decision of what you need to do. But MOST CERTAINLY you can't trust anything that comes from his mouth right now, you need cold hard evidence and he is not going to be able to provide you with it, so keep reading through the infidelity board here, and do some heavy reconnaissance before making your plan.

Jellybeans · 09-07-2011, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.

He is definitely covering something up. " gave my wife the 'It's all my fault thing'". Something else happened, it looks like.

Realistic--GET A VAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Question: you said you checked his phone when he got home. Why? Was he acting weird or you do that out of habit? Or has he been unfaithful in the past?

tacoma · 09-07-2011, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

Problem with phone logs: this is his work phone. And I have no way to get that info. All texts were on same night or day except - that was wild night.
I think it went: thanks for lisas number, lisa is hot, your sexy, got condoms, that was wild night.

Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.

You`ve got a SERIOUS problem realistic.

Has he always had this kind of work lifestyle or is this type of behavior a new thing?

You need to start digging.

Get the VAR
Keylogger on his computer, get some evidence because it`s there to be gotten.

Take a look at my previous post put a stop to his personal relationship with these people...do it now.

realistic · 09-07-2011, 05:27 PM

Oh yeah, the night this all happened he didnt call me. I texted him next morning. He said he was sick the night before and he was even going to be late to class that day. When I talked to him that night, he said he thot it was a virus and still didn't feel good. Never mentioned going out or drinking or hanging out with men AND women. Said he stayed in.

Entropy3000 · 09-07-2011, 05:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

Problem with phone logs: this is his work phone. And I have no way to get that info. All texts were on same night or day except - that was wild night.
I think it went: thanks for lisas number, lisa is hot, your sexy, got condoms, that was wild night.

Also, forgot to tell you: I pretended to be other woman and emailed him. He told her " Good at home. I gave me wife the "its all my fault thing" and I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.

Ding, Ding Ding ... we have a winner. Ok this does it. Wow. He is a total player.

realistic · 09-07-2011, 05:31 PM

I made him text both woman and tell them no more contact at all. He showed the texts to me. He doesn't get on computer at home, only at work. He has had this job for about 8 yrs, had similar job before. Works in fire...gone alot.

I checked his phone a few days after he got home when he went to bed early. I thought he acted weird while he was gone and...sex was different when he got home...

HurtinginTN · 09-07-2011, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by realistic

I can tell you i delete my texts before leaving work now. He also told her he hoped they got picked to be on a committee together so that they could get together and hang out after hours.

Well, they may have already discussed this text exchange. If so, he knows you faked being her and he knows you saw his response. That will make them take it deeper underground, meaning hiding things better.

He mentioned here deleting his texts before he leaves work. That means they are texting each other inappropriately during work or he wouldn't have anything to delete.

Two scenarios, neither of which is good.

1) They have been having an affair for a while. This trip was a chance for them to be together.

2) They started having an affair on this trip and are now planning to continue it. They are already talking about how to keep you from seeing their texts.

Either case, they are having an affair. I would say 95% probability it was physical on the trip, even likely a threesome with "Lisa". Even if it wasn't physical yet, it is definitely an emotional affair. He is talking to another woman about hiding their texts from his wife.

I'm sorry you are here. There are lots of resources.