HappyAtLast

If that were my H, he would be in the doghouse for sure....what was he thinking? Surely, he can't blame it all on the alcohol...
Somebody seems to have forgotten his marriage vows.

Jellybeans

Well, nobody ever wants these titles or to be a part of the "Coping" club but dammit, we are GOOD!

StrangerThanFiction

he's lying through his teeth, obviously.

he will continue to text them but delete them before you can see them, and no way to verify he's not since its his work phone. Is it an Iphone and does he sync it from home? If so it is possible to recover text records from the computer.

you need evidence and since he's lying to you the only way to get it is by keylogging if he uses a home computer and/or using a VAR, as others have suggested.

you dont say if he knew about your affair 10 years ago but either way, i'd say it doesn't excuse his actions now...

i'd say the "explanation" for the "bought condoms, you ready to go again" was so ludicrous as to be beyond belief... that would seal it for me

blueskies30

I would say he is having a affiar..those are all lame excuses and I would say go again, meant more sex....I am gettign out of a 11 year relationship right now and things that seem to ovious to others are very foggy when you are in the relationship until you are done....

turnera

Tell the OW's husband. That should cut off THAT avenue. How is your marriage?

realistic

I thought our marriage was good, even though he is gone a lot. We had been working on things over past few years since my affair. I really want to believe him and would love to hear a positive turn on this. Maybe he is telling the truth and he did nothing but make a pass at a woman...

tacoma

You`re fooling yourself, these are not the actions of a loyal spouse.

Tell the OWH.

Install the VAR and see for yourself.
This relationship isn`t innocent and I think you know it.

realistic

He gave no reason for lying about not telling me about a group going to a party. He just said idk, didn't want you to worry.

I wouldn't say I'm jealous. He has had a woman in a hotel room before and said they only kissed. He told me about this on his own and was very remorseful and cried. He also told me about a time when he was on a trip that he went to club and got a lap dance. He said it was all for me - so that when we had sex it would last longer.

In past he has been very emotional distant and has problems being compassionate.

HurtinginTN

If he uses the computer at home, look at the internet history. That is where I found the hotel my stbxw was staying in with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. That is also how I found out he wasn't "just a friend" initially.

You can also install a keylogger if he uses it much. I never did this, but I found plenty with other methods.

I got a VAR at Radio Shack. Put it in his car, as mentioned. I got conversations with the boyfriend that way. My stbxw sat on the computer and played games a lot. I also put a VAR on the desk inside a box of checks (Nice little decoy). It caught another conversation or two.

If he uses the home phone much, Radio Shack also has other methods. I won't elaborate since I don't know the legalities.

None of this is admissable in court, from my understanding. However, it will teach you to trust your gut. Every thing I found, I already knew in my gut. I gave up the surveillance game a good while ago. If my gut says something, I simply listen.

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realistic

My only question is if he wanted out of the marriage he could have got out when i had my affair. And now, he could get out if he wanted. We have been arguing over this for two months now. Why is he staying??

StrangerThanFiction

trust me, the lapdance wasn't for you...

It seems that he has a bit of an "i'll tell you part of the uncomfortable truth on my own, before you even ask, so you will believe its the whole truth" thing going on.

joe kidd

Maybe he did it for the same reason I did. To see the look of total and utter devastation on her face. I'm not proud of it, but that's why I had my A after she had hers. Maybe he's staying because he still has feelings for you?

turnera

These are CHEATER WORDS. I've seen the last one before, and I've seen the first 2 at LEAST 20 or 30 times by men who SWORE they didn't cheat - and then later got caught cheating.

turnera

Because you replaced his mother. You take care of him like a woman is supposed to. You keep him from having to cook, clean, wash, and take care of kids (if applicable). And you're free sex.

HurtinginTN

"Cheating" is a whole different language than "English".

"We're just friends" = "I either want to or actually am giving them the most amazing sex ever."

"You are paranoid" = "Yes, you are dead on, but I want to make you feel like a fool."

"You are just jealous" = "Crap, how do you know so much? I can't think of anything else to say. Oh, the jealous card."

etc.

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