Originally Posted by canuckprincess View Post
Why in hell would you stay married to this man? Not what you wanna hear but let's face it he has moved on and is playing you. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and remember its him not you. He's selfish and is only thinking about his own needs. Your and your children deserve better. You know very well that you can and never will be able to trust him again. I get so angry when woman allow men to do this to them, if you don't love yourself enough to kick him to the curb do it for your kids. It's better to be from a broken home then to live in one.
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Of course I would say the same thing and give that advice- before it happened to me. I am NOT making excuses for him, but with the help of our chaplain and reading the book "Torn Asunder" together....yes we are both reading it and doing the workbook. On Dday, I knew in my heart that I had found out exactly what I needed in order to end the marriage and move on. I was committed to that, until I found out that he had true remorse, he wasn't just sorry he got caught- oh believe me that was not pretty, the confrontation. It may have been on the phone from around the world, but I did not hold back and him being there was actually exactly what he needed. He immediately wrote the NC letter....and part of the healing for me was for him to not only send it to her, but also her mother. Well, of course her mother did not know he was married with a family. I am sure she dealt with her daughter in a similar way that a BS would that was just given the news. How do I know? Because I called the OW. I know some do not think it is a good idea, it worked for me. Well, having their careers in my hand and the threat of hanging them both helped too. But I realized with clarity that I would not force that hand and back my H into a corner to stay with me, but threatening his career. Why would I want a marriage other than the two of us WANTING to be together?!?!
Healing from an A takes time, lots of time. It is hard. We are both in it for the long haul, because we want to rebuild. Every marriage is different, not all WS show remorse, not all BS want to work on rebuilding. As Dday approached, I did not want R. No way did I think it possible, I wanted the truth so that I would be ok with D.
I am teaching my boys with this, they see the destruction that infidelity causes, they know how it shakes security to the core and the pain it causes. I am convinced that teaching them mercy and forgiveness is giving them a wonderful foundation for their future. Do not get me wrong, they are old enough to know that it is not easy, it takes work and that we are committed to each other as husband and wife- we happen to be parents. Long after our boys are grown, we want to share our future together.
Before Dday, you are right....he was living a lie and pulling the wool over my eyes. That is not the case today.