Firstly thanks for your service and sorry you are here due to what is happening at home.
There are a few items I will cover from experience and feedback from OM's (other man - the one having an affair with your wife) , waywards ( your wife) and the betrayed spouse (you). Some of it may be tough reading for you.
I caught them making out and fondling back in October and forgave her since she said she didnt mean for it to happen.
This is a lie on her part , she did mean it to happen. Ex's are bad news and she knows this. He slept with her because she was willing, it is unlikely he wanted to make her pregnant.
She fell pregnant, what about contraception? mistakes happen , your wife knew the risk and went ahead and had sex with him.
Does the OM know your wife is pregnant?
If he does who told him?
If she told him , she did so because she expects him to carry her off so she can live in happy ever after land.
If she has not , then no one must tell him until you have decided what happens next.
Is the OM married or engaged?
Is she in any way in contact with him, directly or indirectly?
These are some of the options:
1. Abort the child
2. Give the child up for adoption
3. Stay married and bring up the child as yours
4. Stay married to your wife doing either item 1. & 2.
5. Divorce your wife
There are cases where the BS can accept the child as his and the marriage recovers however from the dozen or so I know of it is very rare it is successful, it only works if the wayward does her everything to work on the marriage and love for her husband.
From the cases I have seen where the OM is involved there has been an even lower rate of success in saving the marriage.
Despite many views you may receive from posters, friends or family , the OM has no say while the baby is in her womb. He does have a say once the child is born and if he chose to do a paternity test , experience says those that do this will interfere with the marriage.
I suggest you start with putting the options in writing for yourself to decide.
Do the same with your wife. Do not guide her on the answers, she must state in writing to you what she wants.
You must assume she has a plan to run away and play happy families with the OM, you are the fallback guy so she is trying to understand what your next steps are, this is part of the wayward script so please do not be fooled and don't let her play with your emotions.
abortion isnt an option for her adoption might
I am pro-life however why is abortion not an option, she has no moral compass already so why would she have one when it comes to abortion. Sadly from the cases I know of , this choice is the most effective way of saving the marriage.
The adoption route tends to have many issues around it, I would recommend taking it out as an option.
If you are to consider remaining married there are only two options , either she aborts the child or you accept the child as yours. If you choose the last one, regardless what anyone says , the OM is never to be involved in your life, is never to be in contact with your wife , and has no contact with the child ever. Often OM's use the contact with the child to restart the affair.
You are in limbo, and this could drag on for a long time. If you think there is a remote chance of you accepting the child as yours and remaining married then start by accepting the baby as a future member of your family.
If marriage is still on, have her sign a post nuptial agreement. She gives away all her rights to your pension and current and future assets. It is the message of her signing it that counts not the monetary value.
Expose the affair, you must tell her parents and yours. This is to protect you from her blaming you.