i caught my partner having an affair he swore its over now i asked him to write a letter or email to her to state that its well and truly over he said no he wont do it and to be honest i dont want to make him do it if he does not mean it, can it still be final without this last bit of contact
It could be final. The no contact letter isn't so much about your husband ceasing contact with the other woman. It's more about him exhibiting his commitment to you over her. By communicating to you and the OW that he chooses you over her, the affair is much more likely to end.
If your husband refuses to do a NC letter, he could be trying to spare the OW's feelings, he could simply be too embarrassed to deal with the subject, or he could be refusing to shun the OW because he doesn't intend to stop the affair. There's no way to know.
i caught my partner having an affair he swore its over now i asked him to write a letter or email to her to state that its well and truly over he said no he wont do it and to be honest i dont want to make him do it if he does not mean it, can it still be final without this last bit of contact
He writes an NC letter, E-Mail, or phone call(On speaker with you present) or there`s no reconciliation.
Do not back down on this, his refusal to do so is a continuance of his disrespect for you and your relationship.
It`s a bit of embarrassment he has to go through and is nothing compared to what his affair has done to you.
Likely he doesn`t want to do it because he`s just taking the affair underground and hasn`t truly ended it.
Pretty much no. The thing is that letter of NC is for all of you, him, the OW and you. It's an official declaration that the affair is over for him, the OW is not welcome in his life and she should not come back around under any circumstance. Without that declaration he is either still involved in the affair or trying not to totally shut the door with the OW in case reconciling with you doesn't work out. Either way he is still not totally recommitted to your marriage.
Pretty much no. The thing is that letter of NC is for all of you, him, the OW and you. It's an official declaration that the affair is over for him, the OW is not welcome in his life and she should not come back around under any circumstance. Without that declaration he is either still involved in the affair or trying not to totally shut the door with the OW in case reconciling with you doesn't work out. Either way he is still not totally recommitted to your marriage.
can it still be final without this last bit of contact
YES. It can still be final.
I ended my A this way. I did not do a "no contact letter" or "no contact phone call" or anything of the sort. I simply ended all communication with the OM and deleted his #, blocked his contacts, deleted my FB, and blocked any and all avenues of me being able to contact him and him being able to contact me. Over. Finito. Done. And told my husband about the affair.
A "no contact letter" means nothing if the disloyal spouse is still having contact. A "No contact letter" and actually staying "No contact" are two different things.
Now, with that said, if it's something that would make you more comfortable for you H to do, then he should do any/everything to earn your trust back and if that includes writing a NC letter, then so be it. By that token, had my husband asked me to do a NC letter, I would have completely obliged.
i sent him an email yesterday stating that for me to try and trust him again and believe that the affair is well and truly over and considering the fact that i had taken him back for a week then one evening we were both out i got cranky and stormed off home he went to her house came back next morning swore he stayed on her sofa... likley story, that was monday he stayed here mon night i sent the email yesterday he didnt respond i had to bring it up to him , he wont or cant do it so i told him i couldnt be in a relationship with him anymore anyway hes gone since last night
Even though you're upset about your divorce, you will feel better in a year knowing that you stood up for yourself and refused to be his backup plan.
Get a lawyer and let him handle your divorce. You should be focusing on yourself. Eat right, exercise, and try to sleep. You'll be better positioned for your new life.
thanks for the kind words, at the moment im feeling like i did when i discovered the affair in the first place, shakey, nervy etc,etc, but i cant live that way anymore and when i took him back for the week it was like living with a stranger, like he was here but he wasnt really here if that makes sense and also he seemed angry with me and i felt he also felt resentful toward me for some reason
thlike he was here but he wasnt really here if that makes sense and also he seemed angry with me and i felt he also felt resentful toward me for some reason
He is resentful toward you because you just told him he can't have his cake and eat it, too.
He was sitting on the fence and you just moved it for him. He doesn't like that.
letter of no contact 
