i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

morituri · 09-16-2011, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

she told her OM on Tuesday that they were thru..which kinda explains the way she was acting on Wednesday (the tantrum with the pulling of her hair and all her frustrations coming out like she was self destructing) almost like a crackhead going thru withdraws

That is because an affair causes the brain to secret a powerful co*ktail of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, etc. Similar to crack cocaine which causes the brain to release a large amount of dopamine which causes euphoria and later depression when the levels of dopamine plummet.

Dr Willard Harley PhD who is the founder of Marriage Builders, once operated a series of drug rehabilitation clinics and noticed that the same withdrawal symptoms present in drug addicted people were also present in people who had been involved in affairs.

Just like with a drug addict, the only way for a cheating spouse to recover from an affair is to go 'cold turkey' from his/her lover. And as you've witnessed first hand, it ain't a pretty sight.

aug · 09-16-2011, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

(we had my stepson in it for a while and it was truely a waste of money)...

Was she divorced before, a single mom, widowed before you married her?

HurtinginTN · 09-16-2011, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrK

JP. Listen to this man. I remember his thread. Very similar to yours. He's lived it. It's funny how the people who were once all "what do I do?" are, for better or worse, the experts now.

Thank you for the compliment. I want to clarify for the OP, though. I am an expert at what doesn't work. I did everything wrong. The woman I have loved for 14 years and planned to grow old with is in love with another man. I am getting divorced. So, I know what doesn't work.

Eli-Zor and others on here are experts at what does work. I point out my errors to others in hopes it will help them to get through the "smog" and listen to the true experts on here.

jaypap · 09-16-2011, 12:36 PM

So she stopped by befor work to "prove" that she deleted the app on her phone which she used to contact him (which she can install and uninstall all day)..so she handed her phone over and said go ahead and look thru it..so I did and noticed she still had his name and number in her contacts..so I went ahead and deleted it..the reason I deleted it is simple..the app she uses needs to have the contact stored the phon and the spy thing I have on her phone shows if new contacts are stored so I was pretty sure she would show where her head is at..and sure enough she reprogrammed his number..so I called her on her lunch and told her that I will bring the stuff she has at the house to our sons football game tonight and she can give me the child support that we had talked about before and I'm gonna go ahead and take the cell pphone (that's in my name)..she tried to feed me B.S.excuses about saving the number..but I seen through it and told her she wasn't going to use my cell phone account to continue her affair and that when we hung up I was going to suspend the account so the phone will be useless to her..she wasn't very happy when we hung up..and I'm sure she's not very happy not being able to txt OM for comforting words...I guess she reaps what she sows..as for me I'll see her at the football game..after that I'm ghost!...wish me luck

jaypap · 09-16-2011, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by aug

Was she divorced before, a single mom, widowed before you married her?

She got prego and her BF left..so she called me that was 15yrs ago..been married for 12
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HurtinginTN · 09-16-2011, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

so I went ahead and deleted it..the reason I deleted it is simple..the app she uses needs to have the contact stored the phon and the spy thing I have on her phone shows if new contacts are stored so I was pretty sure she would show where her head is at..and sure enough she reprogrammed his number..

Nice move. Funny how they always seem to think they can hide stuff.

crossbar · 09-16-2011, 12:55 PM

Umm...just disregard my last post.....

Eli-Zor · 09-16-2011, 01:24 PM

Call her sister and let her know your wife has not cut off contact , don't reveal how you know? If she was part of the deception she knows she has been outed as well if she is not part of the deception she should be pissed at your wife. As she is out of the house , go dark , no direct contact is required between your wife and you. Get your lawyer working, don't rely on her promises to pay you nor trust her in any way, formalise her leaving, her abandoning the family and her committed payments to you.
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jaypap · 09-16-2011, 01:56 PM

Its all in the works..I have a signed paper from the apartment taking her off the lease which she signed Monday..so legally she is out..and mentally she is out there..so one day at a time now
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Dadof3 · 09-16-2011, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

So she stopped by befor work to "prove" that she deleted the app on her phone which she used to contact him (which she can install and uninstall all day)..so she handed her phone over and said go ahead and look thru it..so I did and noticed she still had his name and number in her contacts..so I went ahead and deleted it..the reason I deleted it is simple..the app she uses needs to have the contact stored the phon and the spy thing I have on her phone shows if new contacts are stored so I was pretty sure she would show where her head is at..and sure enough she reprogrammed his number..so I called her on her lunch and told her that I will bring the stuff she has at the house to our sons football game tonight and she can give me the child support that we had talked about before and I'm gonna go ahead and take the cell pphone (that's in my name)..she tried to feed me B.S.excuses about saving the number..but I seen through it and told her she wasn't going to use my cell phone account to continue her affair and that when we hung up I was going to suspend the account so the phone will be useless to her..she wasn't very happy when we hung up..and I'm sure she's not very happy not being able to txt OM for comforting words...I guess she reaps what she sows..as for me I'll see her at the football game..after that I'm ghost!...wish me luck

Way to go J!

aug · 09-16-2011, 02:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

She got prego and her BF left..so she called me that was 15yrs ago..been married for 12

Well, f*** that. You were her backup man 15 years ago and now she relegated you to the side in your marriage.

Jellybeans · 09-16-2011, 02:13 PM

Jay--you are handling this like a pro. Seriously. Keep it up! I Am so glad you are calling her out on her nonsense and telling her what is what. GOOD ON YOU for taking her off the account/stopping the phone account!

jaypap · 09-16-2011, 02:16 PM

Ya I was (and still am) pissed at her mom and sis for being enablers..and here I was too...no more though!
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jaypap · 09-16-2011, 09:49 PM

Poor wife had to go buy a phone and a hotel room for a week..and of course its all MY fault..
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aug · 09-16-2011, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

Poor wife had to go buy a phone and a hotel room for a week..and of course its all MY fault..
Posted via Mobile Device

just as long as your credit card was not used...