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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 09-13-2011, 03:37 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

How did you contact her the last time? Is she on FB? You can send her a private message there and let her know the affair is still happening.

Your wife has shown zero remorse. Time to cut her loose.
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Old 09-13-2011, 04:12 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

Just changed the locks..she called on her way home like she usually does and was makin small talk..I told her that we have nothing else to talk about and she made her decision and that we obviously want different things..I want marriage and she does not..so unless she wants to talk about the divorce or the kids she shouldn't call..I hope this gets easier cuz that sucked!
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Old 09-13-2011, 04:14 PM   #48 (permalink)
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How did you contact her the last time? Is she on FB? You can send her a private message there and let her know the affair is still happening.

Your wife has shown zero remorse. Time to cut her loose.
I emailed her last time and like I said I think it was a shared acct...I am trying to get a hold of her thru f.b. tonight when I get home from work..
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Old 09-13-2011, 04:40 PM   #49 (permalink)
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Just changed the locks..she called on her way home like she usually does and was makin small talk..I told her that we have nothing else to talk about and she made her decision and that we obviously want different things..I want marriage and she does not..so unless she wants to talk about the divorce or the kids she shouldn't call..I hope this gets easier cuz that sucked!
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Don't take this the wrong way, but how did she respond to seeing that you exactually had a spine and stood up to her?
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:03 PM   #50 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

There is not much here for anyone to offer you in regards to ADVICE because you are so far ahead of the average poster. Only support for your sad situation. Stay the course, reality is going to be landing much sooner because of your actions.
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:08 PM   #51 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

I think she was surprised about me finding my spine.. she definately didn't expect the conversation to go that way..
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:17 PM   #52 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

Locard said it right...you are WAY ahead of most when they find out that they've been betrayed.

However, WW/WH are somewhat unpredictable when reality starts to close in on them so just be on your guard dude!
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:28 PM   #53 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

WW/WH??what's that?
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:33 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

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WW/WH??what's that?
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WW= Wayward Wife
WH= Wayward Husband
OM= Other Man
OW= Other Woman
OMW= Other Man's Wife
OWH= Other Woman's Husband
BS= Betrayed Spouse
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:47 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

Oh thanks..its just amazing to me at how sure she is that she has done nothing wrong and how none of this even bothers her..like she has no concious..no guilt..no anything..just emptiness..at least towards me..
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Old 09-13-2011, 05:57 PM   #56 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

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Oh thanks..its just amazing to me at how sure she is that she has done nothing wrong and how none of this even bothers her..like she has no concious..no guilt..no anything..just emptiness..at least towards me..
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That, to me, is the most perplexing thing about all of this. That seems to be very common. My STBXW (Soon to be ex wife) is the same exact way. I could have written that same sentence.
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Old 09-13-2011, 06:20 PM   #57 (permalink)
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That in itself is hard to deal with..for sure
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Old 09-13-2011, 07:40 PM   #58 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

And you said that you've exposed her affair to family members and that they didn't seem to care? THAT'S perplexing...

Well, then you need to give her a dose of reality. Make sure the joint accounts are divided. Joint credit cards are canceled. Do not susport her in anyway unless it's dicated by your lawyer to do so. Move forward and go dark on her. She wanted to be out on her own, then that's EXACTLY what you give her. Have your lawyer move to give you temporary Full custody of the kids with the courts. Have the courts dicate what her visitation rights are and get a restraining order out on the OM that he can't be around your children until the divorce is finalized. Ask your lawyer about that.

I think THAT will bother her a little.
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Old 09-13-2011, 08:02 PM   #59 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

From what I read it looks like you had no other option but to file for divorce. I mean if theres any regret its at the fact that your WW is still in the fog.
IMHO reality will start to set, #1 the affair is exposed and the thrill and excitement is fading. Soon Mr. wonderful won't be so wonderful..... day in and day out.

#2 You are stepping up and now have made this affair inconvienent for her. Her back up guy (you ) is moving on.

As her AP (affair partner) and it relationship stresses, and her lack of family and kids will wear her down. She may see the light of day siting in the court room waiting for a divorce.

Stay the course the both of you have a long way to go. soon things will crumble around her. Especially when things like abandonment , child support, and bills start to effect her fantasy world.


This is just my $0.02 , what do I know, right. The important thing is to keep making this affair as uncomfortable and as inconvienent as possibly. You have the kids so let her sister and the OM take care of her. Give a real good taste of what is about to come her way if she continues.

What finacial steps have you taken to speed the process along. What are you paying for and if you stopped it will really shine a light on her new reality when you divorce? Health care, auto insurance, cell phone again I'm just thinking maybe its time to make a big point here.
I guess you better ask your lawyer 1st.
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Old 09-13-2011, 08:09 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Default Re: i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

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From what I read it looks like you had no other option but to file for divorce. I mean if theres any regret its at the fact that your WW is still in the fog.
IMHO reality will start to set, #1 the affair is exposed and the thrill and excitement is fading. Soon Mr. wonderful won't be so wonderful..... day in and day out.

#2 You are stepping up and now have made this affair inconvienent for her. Her back up guy (you ) is moving on.

As her AP (affair partner) and it relationship stresses, and her lack of family and kids will wear her down. She may see the light of day siting in the court room waiting for a divorce.

Stay the course the both of you have a long way to go. soon things will crumble around her. Especially when things like abandonment , child support, and bills start to effect her fantasy world.


Without all that thrill and excitement of sneaking around and doing something taboo, the affair simply becomes a regular relationship, one that is now strained and based on lies. There's a reason why only 3% of these types of affair based relationships ever make it, and the vast majority fail. That's where I think that statistic of 80% of people regret divorcing due to infidelity is the WS waking up from the fog because their affair relationship failed and realizing what they destroyed their marriage and family.
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