i need help a.s.a.p. wifes emotional affair.

Eli-Zor · 09-15-2011, 10:12 AM

The only way she returns to the house is if she stops the affair and commits to you, to the processes required to protect the marriage and all the steps required to ensure the affair is dead. You are entitled to change your mind about her coming back, call her and set out the requirements for her tonreturn home and don't dilute them .
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Almostrecovered · 09-15-2011, 10:12 AM

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Originally Posted by jaypap;424936I

really did think I was helping to lift the fog

If you truly wish to do that then you make a stand and show her just how hard it is to have life without you and how you'll be just fine without her.

and if it still doesn't work- then at least you will have your answer and are better prepared to move on without her

HurtinginTN · 09-15-2011, 10:30 AM

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Originally Posted by jaypap

..she already said she didn't want custody of kids..so I have them and she is already paying CS..and telling everyone hasn't affected her one bit..Posted via Mobile Device

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Originally Posted by jaypap

..finally she asked if she could come over and watch "big brother" with the kids..and stay the night cuz of bugs at her sisters..

Have you discussed any type of visitation with the kids? She doesn't want custody and is paying child support. Next time she wants to watch a show with the kids, I would tell her that is my time with the kids. You get them on xxxxxx. You can watch a show with them then.

As far as the bugs goes, most stores sell Raid and the like.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

..she didn't agree with me and said she just didn't want to be married period pretty much..so I told her that she can stay here until her sister figures out that apartment situation or she figures out something..

I agree with the other posters on not letting her back in. I know you want to think the fog has lifted. I thought that many times. My wife would do good in Hollywood. You wouldn't believe some of the theatrical performances. You want to hold onto hope. As long as OM is in the picture, there is none. She says she wants out, you just have to let her go. Actually, you have no choice. She is gone. You just have to make the choice to start moving on.

Jellybeans · 09-15-2011, 10:43 AM

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Originally Posted by HurtinginTN

HaI agree with the other posters on not letting her back in. I know you want to think the fog has lifted. I thought that many times. My wife would do good in Hollywood. You wouldn't believe some of the theatrical performances. You want to hold onto hope. As long as OM is in the picture, there is none. She says she wants out, you just have to let her go. Actually, you have no choice. She is gone. You just have to make the choice to start moving on.

So very much.

And TN... I am really proud of and happy for you! You have come a long way!!!

MrQuatto · 09-15-2011, 10:58 AM

Jay, I know how hard this is. It is confusing and painful. No one WANTS to walk away from a marriage like this. It feels like failure, like you are giving up and like you ARE the problem. You are not!

We have seen so many people on here go through this, thread after thread after thread. I always recommend folks to go read some other posts because the script is always the same.

She says nothing happened, you find out different.
She says she stopped, you find out different
She says it's the truth, you find out different.
and on and on and on.

The ones that end up working out is when the Betrayed spouse stands up and says "I"M NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE!" When the A is exposed, the family, friends, coworkers and Other Spouse (if any) are made aware and the disloyal spouse FINALLY sees consequences for their actions.

That is all we are trying to let you know. And yes, we get frustrated and maybe a bit sharp tongued BECAUSE we see this so often. We are only trying to Help

Q~

HurtinginTN · 09-15-2011, 11:13 AM

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Originally Posted by MrQuatto

The ones that end up working out is when the Betrayed spouse stands up and says "I"M NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE!"

Look at Pit of my Stomach's original thread. Look at my original thread. We were both in the smog pretty thick. He is divorced and I'm working on it. We both tried the reasoning, etc.

Look at 8yearscheating. There are others as well. A common theme with these is that the betrayed spouse said, "It's him or me" and the wayward spouse chose their loyal spouse over the affair partners. Just saying "him or me" isn't a guarantee. Your wife would still have to choose the marriage and you would have to choose to reconcile as well. But you say you want your marriage. That gives the best odds.

jaypap · 09-15-2011, 11:22 AM

Now I know I f****d up last night..I should have stuck to my guns..I know she is feeling the reality slap and she is scrambling..I know she is seriously struggling with herself right now and for some reason I feel as her husband its my place to help her through it..good or bad marriage or not..I think she is just too stubborn to admit she is wrong but the way she was beating herself up and yelling at me shows me that she knew I was right and was pissed at me because of it..I know all this sounds stupid like I'm justifying the way she's treated me but it is seriously how I feel..
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Jellybeans · 09-15-2011, 11:26 AM

It's only your "place" to help her as long as she isn't betraying you in the interim.

Eli-Zor · 09-15-2011, 11:27 AM

Go back and inform her she isn't welcome into the house unless she adheres to the requirements we posted.
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Eli-Zor · 09-15-2011, 11:28 AM

if she agrees; the no contact letter and full transparency occur before she moves into the house
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morituri · 09-15-2011, 11:30 AM

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Originally Posted by Jellybeans

It's only your "place" to help her as long as she isn't betraying you in the interim.

Did get married so that you could become the cuckold of a one sided open marriage in which she gets to have sex with other men?

Jellybeans · 09-15-2011, 11:31 AM

Mori--your avatar is hypnotizing!

HurtinginTN · 09-15-2011, 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaypap

Now I know I f****d up last night..

I know all this sounds stupid like I'm justifying the way she's treated me but it is seriously how I feel..
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It most likely won't be the last time you make a mistake. Don't beat yourself up too bad.

You can't expect to just flip a switch and cut off your feelings for you wife immediately. Of course, that is how you feel. The struggle is to work in this out of reason and not out of your feelings. Again, don't beat yourself up too bad.

I would recommend strongly listening to Elizor.

Almostrecovered · 09-15-2011, 11:35 AM

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Originally Posted by Jellybeans

Mori--your avatar is hypnotizing!

...must....listen...to...morituri....

HurtinginTN · 09-15-2011, 11:45 AM

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Originally Posted by Almostrecovered

...must....listen...to...morituri....

Did you get the morse code message too? Let me make sure I got it right. Mori wants a hamburger happy meal with ketchup only?

Sorry to threadjack. Just trying to add a little humor to your rough day. Hang in there man. This is a rough ride. I'm sorry you are going through it.