The only way she returns to the house is if she stops the affair and commits to you, to the processes required to protect the marriage and all the steps required to ensure the affair is dead. You are entitled to change your mind about her coming back, call her and set out the requirements for her tonreturn home and don't dilute them . Posted via Mobile Device
..she already said she didn't want custody of kids..so I have them and she is already paying CS..and telling everyone hasn't affected her one bit..Posted via Mobile Device
Originally Posted by jaypap
..finally she asked if she could come over and watch "big brother" with the kids..and stay the night cuz of bugs at her sisters..
Have you discussed any type of visitation with the kids? She doesn't want custody and is paying child support. Next time she wants to watch a show with the kids, I would tell her that is my time with the kids. You get them on xxxxxx. You can watch a show with them then.
As far as the bugs goes, most stores sell Raid and the like.
Originally Posted by jaypap
..she didn't agree with me and said she just didn't want to be married period pretty much..so I told her that she can stay here until her sister figures out that apartment situation or she figures out something..
I agree with the other posters on not letting her back in. I know you want to think the fog has lifted. I thought that many times. My wife would do good in Hollywood. You wouldn't believe some of the theatrical performances. You want to hold onto hope. As long as OM is in the picture, there is none. She says she wants out, you just have to let her go. Actually, you have no choice. She is gone. You just have to make the choice to start moving on.
HaI agree with the other posters on not letting her back in. I know you want to think the fog has lifted. I thought that many times. My wife would do good in Hollywood. You wouldn't believe some of the theatrical performances. You want to hold onto hope. As long as OM is in the picture, there is none. She says she wants out, you just have to let her go. Actually, you have no choice. She is gone. You just have to make the choice to start moving on.
So very much.
And TN... I am really proud of and happy for you! You have come a long way!!!
Jay, I know how hard this is. It is confusing and painful. No one WANTS to walk away from a marriage like this. It feels like failure, like you are giving up and like you ARE the problem. You are not!
We have seen so many people on here go through this, thread after thread after thread. I always recommend folks to go read some other posts because the script is always the same.
She says nothing happened, you find out different.
She says she stopped, you find out different
She says it's the truth, you find out different.
and on and on and on.
The ones that end up working out is when the Betrayed spouse stands up and says "I"M NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE!" When the A is exposed, the family, friends, coworkers and Other Spouse (if any) are made aware and the disloyal spouse FINALLY sees consequences for their actions.
That is all we are trying to let you know. And yes, we get frustrated and maybe a bit sharp tongued BECAUSE we see this so often. We are only trying to Help
The ones that end up working out is when the Betrayed spouse stands up and says "I"M NOT TAKING THIS ANYMORE!"
Look at Pit of my Stomach's original thread. Look at my original thread. We were both in the smog pretty thick. He is divorced and I'm working on it. We both tried the reasoning, etc.
Look at 8yearscheating. There are others as well. A common theme with these is that the betrayed spouse said, "It's him or me" and the wayward spouse chose their loyal spouse over the affair partners. Just saying "him or me" isn't a guarantee. Your wife would still have to choose the marriage and you would have to choose to reconcile as well. But you say you want your marriage. That gives the best odds.
Now I know I f****d up last night..I should have stuck to my guns..I know she is feeling the reality slap and she is scrambling..I know she is seriously struggling with herself right now and for some reason I feel as her husband its my place to help her through it..good or bad marriage or not..I think she is just too stubborn to admit she is wrong but the way she was beating herself up and yelling at me shows me that she knew I was right and was pissed at me because of it..I know all this sounds stupid like I'm justifying the way she's treated me but it is seriously how I feel.. Posted via Mobile Device
I know all this sounds stupid like I'm justifying the way she's treated me but it is seriously how I feel.. Posted via Mobile Device
It most likely won't be the last time you make a mistake. Don't beat yourself up too bad.
You can't expect to just flip a switch and cut off your feelings for you wife immediately. Of course, that is how you feel. The struggle is to work in this out of reason and not out of your feelings. Again, don't beat yourself up too bad.