KSsara

About 3 or 4 weeks ago, my husband started acting very strange. He was distancing himself from me and when I finally got him to talk about it, he said that I never listen to his "soul", I take and take without giving, and that he thinks we got married without knowing each other well enough. So I took all the blame. I admit I push him a lot because he seems to not ever want to do anything. Around this time I also noticed that he'd been talking A LOT with a female coworker. I questioned him about their closeness and he said that there are absolutely no feelings and that she is just a friend. Well he started to get sneaky like leaving his phone on silent and carrying it everywhere he went. Unable to be left in the dark anymore, I looked on his facebook one morning while he was at work. I saw the last part of a conversation he had with her where he told her that he couldn't talk because I was in the room. He told her goodbye and then said "I love you". She said it back as well. So I left and went and stayed at a friends house. Yesterday, I went over to the house to talk with him. He still insists that there are no feelings and that he likes talking to her because she listens to him and has PTSD like he does. If it's not an EA why would he say I love you and why would he hide it from me? Why wont he just admit it so we can begin to heal? We are going to our first counseling appt tomorrow and I am still not staying at home. I don't know what to do. I want to be at home but I can't continue to live in a home where my husband is disrespecting me by shutting me out and letting another woman in.

daisygirl 41

Im sorry you are going through this. I have experienced a similar thing to you in the last 4 moths. It took my husband 4 weeks from me finding out about his "friend" to admitting that he shouldnt be txting her and him stopping. It turns out that obviously she was more than a friend and he was having an EA with. I was heartbroken but we are on the mend now. Until he can be honest with you about what has gone on its impossible to move forward. It took me 3 months of asking, begging, arguing to drag information out of him but we are getting there and i know feel like the "fog" has finally lifted.

I wish you luck. Keep talking, keep asking and insist that he does not txt or FB her anymore. X

HappyAtLast

I went through the same thing you did about 2 years ago...I didn't notice it at the time, but looking back my H seemed distant and was very argumentative...he was having a long distance EA with a woman..she was like a tech support for his co. They were both on a photo sharing site that I didn't know about, constantly texting and calling and emailing...when it finally dawned on me what was going on I was furious...we ended up separating because of her...he also figured out she was a psycho..she would also call me and hang up, she would call him and threaten to kill herself, etc. And, of course, the reason he did it was because I wasn't open enough for him, I never talked to him..maybe part of it was because everytime I would say something, he would accuse me of things, etc.
We finally got things straightened out, for the most part, he had some counseling done for his anger management issues..We still have some bumpy patches every now and then but I think we understand each other better now.
Good luck to you.I hope your H finally sees the light.

Jellybeans

Yes he is having an affair. People don't randomly tell others they love eachother. Is she married? If so you have to tell her husband. And do it without warning to. Her or your husband. Can you print the texts or get a copy of the call logs? Print them. And take it with you to MC.Go to counselling and call him out on what you found out and tell the counsellor what the texts said. And while there I would tell him you will not be going back to counselling with him as long as he's having an affair. Tell him you refuse to live in an open marriage.
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