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Red Flags and my gut were correct.

61K views 166 replies 72 participants last post by  JohnA 
#1 ·
Got my wife's phone data and she is a cyber *****. Multiple men tons of cybersex images. I went ahead and confronted couldn't let it slide until I got my gadgets planted to find out if she is also having a physical affair. She "swears on a stack of bibles" that she is not having a physical affair but I don't believe her. She has lied about everything

The extent of her cybersex is such I really don't care now if she is also having the physical affair.

I believe I'm going to file for divorce today and ask her to move out. Not in my wildest imagination did I think her cyber cheating was to this extent.

I don't think I can forgive her. She is terrified because she knows the break up is her fault and she doesn't want all the families and eventually our son to know the truth.

I will eat my crow because I really thought I was just going crazy but I wasn't, OMG you guys would flip from the evidence. It's like I really never knew her after 19 years.

Thanks for the tech help getting into her data, and the support.

Peace
 
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#3 ·
My wife just cheated on me and we have been together 9 years, I never saw it coming and perhaps that was because I am a very nice, forgiving and perhaps naive person, but at the end of the day I was an extremely smart person as well and getting rid of her as fast as possible (within reason after getting the facts) was the best thing I could have done for myself. I now feel like I cannot believe anything she has said in the entire relationship and you just never truly know if anything was ever the truth.

Thank goodness for technology in this day and age, its sure as hell helping many of us find out the truth and to be honest it seems most cheaters are very sloppy with protecting themselves. Maybe humans are just not capable of doing such terrible things to their partners and also have a sane enough mind to cover their tracks!

I wish you all the best, you may never know if she is having a physical affair, but at the end of the day, its still an affair and I hope you come through it all the better.
 
#5 ·
Vikings, first of all i'm sorry your wife decided to make a decision to Betray your marriage. Her infidelity needs to be faced with consequences no rugs sweeping whatsoever. Divorce is the best way.! even if you decide to reconcile after divorce you can have her sign a prenup. That would protect you Financially. Please For your sake Keep updating
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#12 ·
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I will eat my crow because I really thought I was just going crazy but I wasn't, OMG you guys would flip from the evidence. It's like I really never knew her after 19 years.

Thanks for the tech help getting into her data, and the support.

Peace

Do a 180 talk to your lawyer and work on you close nit support with friends and family

Its easier to see with sunlight, gaslight will just muddy things up
 
#15 ·
So very sorry. Your wife was doing literally exactly what mine did.

Save ALL evidence. File for divorce.
If you change your mind. Reconcile only after divorcing and getting a prenup as someone said. Maybe she won't get everything you own if she is remorseful, but the way she has treated you, she's likely only sorry she got caught.
pLEASE get an attorney and do or say nothing further without your attorney's advice and use that var to record all conversations.

I'm sorry. I've been there and know the horror and pain. But you will get through it. Get help quick.
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#31 · (Edited)
While the evidence from her cell phone is largely inadmissible in any court action, any cell phone bill detailing areas such as frequency, calls made and received, and actual minutes used in cell and text time are!

But a good, seasoned lawyer could definitely use it for leverage against her!

Things for you to do:

(1) "The 180!"
(2) Copy and save any and all evidence that you do not have!
(3) Go get yourself a "piranha" family attorney who will protect your assets and go after her jugular!
(4) Get your a$$ ASAP to an MD to check you out for the presence of STD's!
(5) Say absolutely nothing to her!
(6) Inform needed and trusted family and friends!
(7) Get her a$$ out of your house!
(8) File for temporary custody of your kids!
(9) Separate any and all joint accounts!

Sorry to see you here at TAM, but you come to right place for support!

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#22 ·
To rephrase:

Yes get the STD test.

The DNA TEst is to show her the severity of her actions. I'm sure you don't doubt the kid(s) are yours and they probably are yours.

Getting a DNA test will hit your wife like a ton of bricks. Clueing her in on the severity of her actions.
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#23 ·
Sorry man. This sucks :(
Agreed. Sorry, @Vikings. :(

As others said, keep all evidence that you find secure. Email it to yourself to a couple different accounts...
Probably wouldn't do that. Instead open a Gmail/Google Drive account along w/ a Hotmail/OneDrive account, and upload everything there. Maybe Dropbox as well.

...and put a copy on a thumb drive. Give to a trusted friend to hold onto.
Definitely wouldn't do that.

Silver lining- at least now you know. No more limbo. No more thinking you are crazy. No more thinking oh if you are nice to her and talk to her and discuss your feelings with her the truth will come out on its own.

Stay strong my friend.
For reals.
 
#27 ·
You trusted your gut and it didn't let you down. I'm sorry this happened.

Start protecting yourself right away. Open up a checking account in your name only and have your pay deposited there. Take out half your savings and put it in an account she cannot access. Close all joint credit card accounts and get one in your name only in case she trashes your credit.

Go see a lawyer quickly and get the wheels rolling. Ask him how you can protect your money. I second the advice for STD testing and DNA testing for your kid.

Again, do what you have to to protect yourself and your child. I would hold off on exposing her to the world. In a situation like hers, there is not one single OM to chase off, so exposure has a different dynamic in this instance. I would hold the evidence over her head. Use it to get her to be as nice as pie during the D process, so that you can leave the marriage with an even 50/50 split.

Blackmail? Yep.
 
#32 ·
Expect your WW to get crazy on you. Asking her to leave is a good idea. Buy a VAR and keep it on you at all times.


Let me ask you, when was she doing all this sexting and online chat? While you were at work? Was she at home alone with your kid doing this sh*t? Since you erased your original thread I cannot go back and get the history of the marriage. You might have to give us the abridged wrap-up of how this all went down. I have read so many of these threads that I can no longer tell one from another.
 
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