Bill, I will be blunt. Did you cheat on your first wife with your current wife?
Fair question. The answer is no. I tried, she wouldn't let me get near her until the first wife as long gone. That relationship was pretty screwed up to begin with (the first marriage). I was young and stupid and broke two Cardinal rules.
1. Don't make any life-changing decisions after a family member dies
2. Don't marry any woman (or man) that relies upon daily medication to keep them sane and in check.
In my case, I was so broken up when my mom died, I reached out to my first wife. I was 27. Mom was the last connection I had with any type of home. My father died when I was just a child. I knew, deep down, that I should not have married her, but she offered warmth, happiness and a home that I could be a part of. I really didn't think much about the medication part, nor how she had been hospitalized twice for Schizophrenia. She was fine. But I didn't know that in California, you can quit that medication at any time. Nobody can force a mentally unstable person to continue to take their daily pill. If they decide to stop, oh well, you're up bat**** creek without a damn paddle. I wasn't made aware of this until AFTER she quit taking her meds, which was three years after we tied the knot. Suddenly, the woman I loved vanished and was replaced by a raving lunatic that scared the crap out of me. This is no joke. When I found that butcher knife she was keeping underneath the bed, I don't think I ever stayed another night with her. That and the waking up in the dead of night screaming that there was a snake in the bed or someone was in the house (there wasn't) -- was enough to drive me out.
It was at that point when my current wife walked into my life. My marriage was disintegrating and she offered a path I could follow out. But the sex would wait and wait and wait until the divorce papers were filed. The ex-wife and I hadn't seen each other for six months. Is it still cheating? Technically, I suppose. But it's not quite what you might think.
There are no other email chains that I've discovered that are as damming as the one I first pasted. The best I can tell is that these email chains with this other guy started last October. There are about 10-12 total, each with about six or seven responses between the two. To be dang honest, most of it is work related. They do not work together. They do not work for the same company. The wife is an Information Officer. Her email buddy is a reporter. By the way, both of us are former reporters. This is what former reporters do when they get old -- they become Information Officers for companies, school districts, government, etc.
I have never seen a brother and sister who were as close as my wife and her brother. They had something really special going on there. She supported her brother without question, her brother returned the favor. She did not like her brother's wife -- and still doesn't. In response, after the brother died, his wife cut off all communication with her brother's children, which are my wife's God children. So -- my wife not only lost her brother last March. She also lost all contact with her God children. Add to that the untimely death of her parents, and I really do think she just went off the edge. That's what the counselor thinks. But I also think she's pulling away. She also lost a bunch of weight and adopted a yoga routine two months ago. My wife is 46 and looks like she's 36. She's a former TV reporter. I'm not going to lie to you. She's eye-candy. You don't become a TV reporter if you're not eye candy.
So -- that's where it stands. She actually came out and did a little gardening today, which was nice. We loved to garden together. Absolutely loved it. But she's slowly pulled away from that activity as well. She spends a lot of time now with a new friend she made after her brother passed. They are similar in age and experience. The friend is married, but to a man who is 30 years her senior. They are vino partners. They are Yoga partners. I don't interfere, but I know this new friend has far too much influence over her. If she were to tell her to jump off a cliff, she just might. But -- so far nothing like this has happened. They do spend a great amount of time together though.