Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun? - Page 4 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #46 of 128 (permalink) Old 02-16-2016, 09:32 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

My husband is impotent due to diabetes. It started with ED and he was embarrassed so he would say he was tired and stressed and go to bed early to avoid me. He didn't want to be intimate in other ways because he couldn't "finish the job". It did affect my self esteem, my own husband didn't want anything to do with me. I never thought about cheating. He eventually did go to the Dr and now he gives himself a shot to get erect and now we have a normal sex life. He did look at getting a penile implant but we thought it was to invasive a procedure.

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post #47 of 128 (permalink) Old 02-20-2016, 10:49 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

BB2111, Hope all is well.

We do care my friend.
I'm sitting next to my hospital bed reading threads, and you was my first thought.

No ripped arteries, but they was unable to unblock, so angio meds from now on.

I pray you are OK and thinking more in the positive.
You don't have to plow the back forty like a white mouth mule to get the job done Bro.
So work what you got, and worry if she's going to do you back LOL.
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post #48 of 128 (permalink) Old 02-29-2016, 12:20 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Wow,

Tell us about these whoppers that she uttered. This may give us a hint of her recent and current mindset. Seriously consider a penile implant. An older friend who had his prostate removed had one installed. He was very anxious about it. His younger wife was dead set against it. She recanted later saying it is not noticeable and works fine. Good luck.

Last edited by SunCMars; 02-29-2016 at 12:35 PM.
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post #49 of 128 (permalink) Old 03-29-2016, 02:05 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

BB2111,

It helps that you tell us all this but your wife is the one who needs to hear it more. Tell her how lucky you feel to be married to her, commiserate with her tragic losses and tell her you want to be the shoulder that she leans on. Let down your wall and let her in. Express your concerns in a gentle, non-accusatory tone. Tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her if there's any way to fix your medical condition, that you'd do it to strengthen your marriage.

She's been pulling away and you're soaking in your misery. Collect all the evidence you want but at the same time, fight your way back into her heart. Like the other poster said, what have you got to lose? It may be a Hail Mary pass but that seems to be your best bet right now. Cook her a nice dinner or take her out for a date. EI did everything she could to save her marriage when her husband was pulling away but you haven't even begun, I don't think. It's time to bring your A game.

If you can't lift any more, then swim. Join a gym with a swimming pool and swim to get back in shape. There are many things you can do besides lifting.

Chasing after the evidence of an affair is being reactive, in this situation. Be proactive instead and fight for your wife's heart.

Last edited by becareful; 03-29-2016 at 02:20 PM.
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post #50 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 06:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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BB2111,

It helps that you tell us all this but your wife is the one who needs to hear it more. Tell her how lucky you feel to be married to her, commiserate with her tragic losses and tell her you want to be the shoulder that she leans on. Let down your wall and let her in. Express your concerns in a gentle, non-accusatory tone. Tell her how beautiful she is. Tell her if there's any way to fix your medical condition, that you'd do it to strengthen your marriage.

She's been pulling away and you're soaking in your misery. Collect all the evidence you want but at the same time, fight your way back into her heart. Like the other poster said, what have you got to lose? It may be a Hail Mary pass but that seems to be your best bet right now. Cook her a nice dinner or take her out for a date. EI did everything she could to save her marriage when her husband was pulling away but you haven't even begun, I don't think. It's time to bring your A game.

If you can't lift any more, then swim. Join a gym with a swimming pool and swim to get back in shape. There are many things you can do besides lifting.

Chasing after the evidence of an affair is being reactive, in this situation. Be proactive instead and fight for your wife's heart.
I fought. I lost. She's been having sex with the guy since last December and probably earlier than that. How do I know? She finally admitted it last night. Came out and came clean. Then told me that she loved him, had no intention of stopping the relationship and would rather be with him than with me.

Not sure what to do next. But I have contacted a divorce attorney. I was going to move -- but why put stress on the dog like that? She's the one who cheated. Make sure the dog has a backyard to play in and send the wife packing.

That's the way I'm looking at it right now. She's responsible for this mess. Let her clean it up in her own way -- but not in my house and not under my nose.
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post #51 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 06:51 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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I fought. I lost. She's been having sex with the guy since last December and probably earlier than that. How do I know? She finally admitted it last night. Came out and came clean. Then told me that she loved him, had no intention of stopping the relationship and would rather be with him than with me.

Not sure what to do next. But I have contacted a divorce attorney. I was going to move -- but why put stress on the dog like that? She's the one who cheated. Make sure the dog has a backyard to play in and send the wife packing.

That's the way I'm looking at it right now. She's responsible for this mess. Let her clean it up in her own way -- but not in my house and not under my nose.
Yep.

Also, if he's married, expose to his wife.

Sorry man.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #52 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 07:37 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Yep.

Also, if he's married, expose to his wife.

Sorry man.
I could do that. Easily. I could also inform his superiors of what he's doing. McClatchy newspapers don't put up with that kind of crap, man. They fire employees on the spot who do this.

But I'm going to take the high road Gus. Why take actions that will hurt two young children? And by telling his wife, that's exactly what I do, hurt two young children.

I'm not out to hurt this man's kids. I'm not out to hurt this man's wife. They are the innocent parties in this matter. Like you, I don't like leaving anyone in the dark. If I'm being made a fool of, I put a stop to it. If other people are being made out as fools, I should put a stop to it.

But the only people hurt by that action is an innocent woman and two young, innocent kids. I'm not into hurting the kids. And exposing this to his wife would hurt the kids the most.

I'm the product of a broken home. I know what it feels like. I'm not going there.
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post #53 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 07:44 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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I could do that. Easily. I could also inform his superiors of what he's doing. McClatchy newspapers don't put up with that kind of crap, man. They fire employees on the spot who do this.

But I'm going to take the high road Gus. Why take actions that will hurt two young children? And by telling his wife, that's exactly what I do, hurt two young children.

I'm not out to hurt this man's kids. I'm not out to hurt this man's wife. They are the innocent parties in this matter. Like you, I don't like leaving anyone in the dark. If I'm being made a fool of, I put a stop to it. If other people are being made out as fools, I should put a stop to it.

But the only people hurt by that action is an innocent woman and two young, innocent kids. I'm not into hurting the kids. And exposing this to his wife would hurt the kids the most.

I'm the product of a broken home. I know what it feels like. I'm not going there.
You are right. You are not out to hurt his kids and his wife. That is all his doing. He is hurting them, not you.

And do tell her and your silly wife to get tested for STDs, as there is no telling how many other lovers he has.

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #54 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 08:03 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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And by telling his wife, that's exactly what I do, hurt two young children.
Bill,

I am sorry this happened.

However, what good can come from NOT telling his wife? She deserves to know what is going on so that SHE can make plans now to help her and the kids. She needs her own exit plan or her own plan to reconcile with her H, if they both decide later. Keeping her in the dark does NOT help her.

Do you think it is kinder and more compassionate if you do nothing, and months later she finds out from HIM? When he gives short notice and just disappears or wrecks the finances?

She will find out. She will. It is just a matter of when.

Help her Bill. If you do not want to out them at work, fine. We understand that. But the poor wife deserves better. You can provide that help to her and the kids.

At least think about it.
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post #55 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 08:59 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Originally Posted by billbird2111 View Post
I could do that. Easily. I could also inform his superiors of what he's doing. McClatchy newspapers don't put up with that kind of crap, man. They fire employees on the spot who do this.

But I'm going to take the high road Gus. Why take actions that will hurt two young children? And by telling his wife, that's exactly what I do, hurt two young children.

I'm not out to hurt this man's kids. I'm not out to hurt this man's wife. They are the innocent parties in this matter. Like you, I don't like leaving anyone in the dark. If I'm being made a fool of, I put a stop to it. If other people are being made out as fools, I should put a stop to it.

But the only people hurt by that action is an innocent woman and two young, innocent kids. I'm not into hurting the kids. And exposing this to his wife would hurt the kids the most.

I'm the product of a broken home. I know what it feels like. I'm not going there.
You've got it all wrong, man.

You'd stand by and let this guy's BW watch as her marriage evaporates in front of her eyes? And, once her WH decides to leave her, completely unaware that he's left her for another woman w/ whom he's been in a relationship for the past several months or (possibly, by that time) years?

Come on, man. Do the right thing and tell her what's going on while she still has a chance to save her marriage and family.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."

Last edited by GusPolinski; 05-25-2016 at 09:08 PM.
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post #56 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 09:18 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

So instead you want the OM wife to learn the hard way instead of preparing to protect herself and the kids....I disagree with your path...its not the high road but the back road.
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post #57 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 09:51 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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I could do that. Easily. I could also inform his superiors of what he's doing. McClatchy newspapers don't put up with that kind of crap, man. They fire employees on the spot who do this.

But I'm going to take the high road Gus. Why take actions that will hurt two young children? And by telling his wife, that's exactly what I do, hurt two young children.

I'm not out to hurt this man's kids. I'm not out to hurt this man's wife. They are the innocent parties in this matter. Like you, I don't like leaving anyone in the dark. If I'm being made a fool of, I put a stop to it. If other people are being made out as fools, I should put a stop to it.

But the only people hurt by that action is an innocent woman and two young, innocent kids. I'm not into hurting the kids. And exposing this to his wife would hurt the kids the most.

I'm the product of a broken home. I know what it feels like. I'm not going there.
I read this thread and sympathize with your situation.
But, this not telling business is utter cowardice and immoral.
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post #58 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 09:58 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Gus Polinski is spot on here brother, listen to him. You are not hurting the kids by tell the Other Mans Wife. You are giving her information she has a right to know. She is being lied to and cheated on, she is being betrayed and played for the fool, just like you were. The ones that hurt the kids are your cheating wife and the lowlife Other Man. Don't hide this. Drag their affair out into the open.

By keeping this secret you are not protecting the Other Mans Wife and kids. You are protecting the Other Man and your cheating Wife!
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post #59 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 10:26 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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I fought. I lost.

If it means anything, you didn't lose from my perspective. Losing implies she had value. Maybe she had an initial value to you, but it went way down the moment she chose to be unfaithful.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

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post #60 of 128 (permalink) Old 05-25-2016, 11:20 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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I could do that. Easily. I could also inform his superiors of what he's doing. McClatchy newspapers don't put up with that kind of crap, man. They fire employees on the spot who do this.

But I'm going to take the high road Gus. Why take actions that will hurt two young children? And by telling his wife, that's exactly what I do, hurt two young children.

I'm not out to hurt this man's kids. I'm not out to hurt this man's wife. They are the innocent parties in this matter. Like you, I don't like leaving anyone in the dark. If I'm being made a fool of, I put a stop to it. If other people are being made out as fools, I should put a stop to it.

But the only people hurt by that action is an innocent woman and two young, innocent kids. I'm not into hurting the kids. And exposing this to his wife would hurt the kids the most.

I'm the product of a broken home. I know what it feels like. I'm not going there.
His wife deserves to know. Since you know, and are involved, then keeping it from her makes you an accomplice to her betrayal.
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