Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?
So -- let's see. It's now been a little over two months since she left. She took the action of hiring a lawyer and serving me with divorce papers last weekend because I didn't call the mediator she wanted to use fast enough. So -- I called the mediator and she's backed off with the attorney. The first phone call with the mediator will take place tomorrow. Soon, I will learn what her "demands" are going to be, but she hinted previously that she wanted an equal split.
BUT -- now that her lover has been fired from his job (something she blames me for) -- perhaps her goals have changed. She may be trying to hurt me now. I don't know. I'll suppose I'll find out soon. I know she's moved to an apartment complex on the other side of town. She was forced to give the mediator another phone number when she confided that her cellphone has been acting a bit quirky lately. As soon as I got that number I tracked her down in ten minutes. I don't know the apartment number and I don't want to know. But I do know this puts her closer to the guy she's been cheating on me with. At first I thought that relationship had ended. Now I'm not so sure. Who knows? I've stopped caring to be brutally honest. I need to think about myself now.
I've pretty much written off all hope that she'll come back. I've accepted the fact that she's left. The shock of losing her is almost gone now, replaced with the realization that she's gone, she's not coming back and she wants a quick end to the marriage. The marriage counselor I've been seeing tells me this is typical with married women who cheat. I trust her because she's been doing this for decades now and has pretty much "seen it all." She strongly believes that, at some point, my wife is going to wise up and realize she's made a boneheaded decision and want to work on restoring the marriage. And she tells me in a lot of cases there is reconciliation. In some cases, the guy has already moved on. And in some cases, the divorce just happens. You just can't tell. So, we'll see. But it's going to take a lot of time from what she told me -- probably a year or maybe even more. She might even wind up marrying her lover, which will prove to be a tremendous mistake. His children will hate her. I know this from experience. She will be my "Clara," the woman my father left my mother for when I was three. I hated Clara. I saw Clara as the woman who broke up mommy and daddy. Children don't see in gray colors. They see only black and white. So, if that does happens, my soon to be ex is in for a big surprise because those kids are around eight or nine years old. They will not understand.
Based upon the advice I received here, I did try to call the other wife. I left a message. Told her my name. Told her my wife's name. I asked if we could talk. I left my phone number. She never called me back. She either doesn't want to talk -- or is a wife who is allowing her husband to step out and "sow some oats," in the hopes that he will not dump her or the children. Point being, I just don't know. But I did try to contact her.
Three of the four homes we owned are already up for sale. The people renting these places are in for a big shock. I'm in the fourth and last home -- the home we shared together. Staying there gets more depressing with every single day that passes. Some people have told me to keep the place for myself, but I can't do that. That was the home we shared together. We built that garden together. The roses bushes that adorn the backyard were planted in the memory of her mother. The raised planter beds we built for gardening purposes were built by me and her father -- using her father's design. Every spot in that home is a reminder of her and what I've lost. So -- that home goes bye-bye. The problem is it needs some upgrade work before we can put it on the market, and guess who gets stuck with that project? I'm only doing this because I will need the money from the sale of this home to purchase another place. This home is very unique and will bring a price of close to a half million once it's been upgraded. But it needs about $10K worth of work to get it to that "sale condition."
I work in a unique job where the position actually ends every six to eight years (it's politics and politicians have term limits). I've managed to transition to other offices for the past 18 years, but now the thought of moving onto a different city is starting to sound appealing to me. I'm free. There are no children. I have marketable skills and I do a good job at what I do. So -- I'm starting to look at positions in areas that are still close by -- but are actually in different cities. You know what they say about change, right? Change is scary. But change is almost always good for you in the long run.
I'll be honest. I still miss her a great deal. I don't know if I could ever take her back after what she's done, but we did have a nice life together (up until she started cheating on me). I will take a lot of happy memories from this. But also feel a sorrow over the way it turned out.
It helps to write about this. That's why I keep coming back to update what's going on. I'll still take some friendly advice, however. Just don't be like Roselyn and pass judgement since she failed to read a post correctly and surmised that this is karma because I cheated on my first wife with the second wife (which did not happen).