Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun? - Page 7 - Talk About Marriage
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post #91 of 128 (permalink) Old 07-28-2016, 09:50 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. A new beginning will be good.
Maybe you should try to contact the OMW again. This time in a way that the OM can't intercept and delete.

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post #92 of 128 (permalink) Old 07-28-2016, 11:40 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Sounds like you have a pretty good handle on things. A new beginning will be good.
Maybe you should try to contact the OMW again. This time in a way that the OM can't intercept and delete.
As in person.
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post #93 of 128 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 10:09 AM
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Bill did you expose this to all parties involved? The main weapon against affairs is the light of the truth and public scorn. Sounds like OMs employer already discovered the truth and acted on it.
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post #94 of 128 (permalink) Old 07-29-2016, 03:05 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Glad you have accepted what is happening and ready to move on.

Get a lawyer if what is offered is not at least 50%.

Keep track of all expenses when updating the house you are living in including the hours you spend on doing it.
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post #95 of 128 (permalink) Old 07-30-2016, 03:14 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Originally Posted by MAJDEATH View Post
Bill did you expose this to all parties involved? The main weapon against affairs is the light of the truth and public scorn. Sounds like OMs employer already discovered the truth and acted on it.
Unless the employer found out what a louse the OM Is for other reasons?

After all if he will cheat on his wife no telling what else he might get up to.
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post #96 of 128 (permalink) Old 07-30-2016, 05:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I will try to answer some of the questions:

1. Is my wife still on drugs? Do I think she's still on drugs? Good question. I could never prove it. Never saw her take any. And other than once when she stopped off to pack some stuff up, I haven't seen her. The drug use suspicions were fueled by others. In other words, her friends would see her, be shocked by her appearance and demeanor, then message me the next day to ask: "Is she on drugs?" This would eventually get back to the wife, who in turn accused me of spreading rumors that she was using. I wasn't. But I did tell her that just about everyone she came into contact with would message me a day or two later to inquire about drug use. I'm not sure if she believed me or not, but that is the God's honest truth. At a family event we went to about six months before she left me, my uncles, aunts and cousins all thought she was loaded. But I wouldn't learn about these suspicions until months later, after she had left. Another friend, who came over for Thanksgiving last year, recently confided in me that it appeared my wife was "spoiling for a fight." Bottom line? I don't know. And I can't care anymore.

2. My wife blames me for her lover getting fired. Claims I called his place of employment and "demanded" to have him fired. Yeah, right. Like I have that kind of power (I don't). Fact is, they made no effort to hide anything. The two were appearing together at industry functions attended by people we knew for YEARS and knew we were married. These people talk for a living. Weeks after she left, I received a couple of tips to check out a Facebook page for a club group that serves the industry we are in together. This club hosts guest speakers every month and they hire a professional photographer to take photos of guest speakers and guests in attendance. Guess who was there? At more than one monthly function? More like six? There's probably about 20-25 photos of them together. In at least one of them, they are holding hands. Above a table where some people I know and I've worked with in the past were seated. I will admit, after she left I was shocked and distraught. I cried on any shoulder that was offered. Quite a few were. I can only surmise (guess) that the rumors got back to his place of employment. And what he did is a big no-no in our line of work. This is a cardinal rule that is not to be broken. So, yeah, when word got out, it probably cost him his job. The night she left she told me that "she admired his line work and was attracted to him for that." Well, now she can be attracted to his uber-small unemployment assistance checks. Provided they are still together. I don't know if they are. I don't stalk.

3. I tried once to contact this cheating piece of ****'s wife. I knew where she worked. She had a voicemail function at her place of employment. That's where I left my message. There is no way anyone could have erased that message, other than herself. I know she got it. In her line of work (medical), messages are important. So, I know she got the message I left. She just chose not to return it. I can only guess at why. Perhaps she wasn't ready to hear the truth? Perhaps she already knew, and is the type of wife that allows her husband to "sow his wild oats?" I don't know. I just know that I did try to contact her. She chose not to return my call. I am not going to push it any further than that. Just know that I did make the attempt.

4. Good advice about documenting everything -- including all expenses. I will do that.

5. Did you know that 75 percent of all marriages in the U.S. are filed by women? While some are filed for good reason, men are blind-sided by the vast majority of them. They never saw it coming. And they never get an explanation as to why, other than the tired lines of "I need a new start" or "I need to heal." I still don't sleep well at night. And when I do, the nightmares are just out of this world bad. I wake up sometimes terribly depressed that I am in bed alone and will be for the foreseeable future. I feel like a loser, when I know I am not. But these feelings are still hard to control. The first line of advice that I get from many is I need to learn how to love myself. For the longest time I didn't know what that meant. Now I understand. It's not the words, "I love myself." It's the actions that I take to demonstrate this love. So, next week I get the gray washed out of my hair. I've already lost a great deal of weight (getting dumped ends the appetite and all home cooking). Perhaps some new clothes are in my future? Time to get my teeth fixed? This is what it means to love thyself.

Take care everyone. Happy weekend to all. Minor league baseball game tonight with a friend. 25-cent beer night too. Thank God I'm not driving.
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post #97 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-07-2016, 11:11 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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A new beginning will be good.
This. Also take your time and stay single for a while once the dust settles. Last time, you jumped in too soon and for the wrong reasons. You sound like a man who has trouble being alone. Perhaps you will get a different result if you do something different next time. Good luck.
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post #98 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 05:38 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Originally Posted by billbird2111 View Post
Thank you everyone for the kind words. I will try to answer some of the questions:

1. Is my wife still on drugs? Do I think she's still on drugs? Good question. I could never prove it. Never saw her take any. And other than once when she stopped off to pack some stuff up, I haven't seen her. The drug use suspicions were fueled by others. In other words, her friends would see her, be shocked by her appearance and demeanor, then message me the next day to ask: "Is she on drugs?" This would eventually get back to the wife, who in turn accused me of spreading rumors that she was using. I wasn't. But I did tell her that just about everyone she came into contact with would message me a day or two later to inquire about drug use. I'm not sure if she believed me or not, but that is the God's honest truth. At a family event we went to about six months before she left me, my uncles, aunts and cousins all thought she was loaded. But I wouldn't learn about these suspicions until months later, after she had left. Another friend, who came over for Thanksgiving last year, recently confided in me that it appeared my wife was "spoiling for a fight." Bottom line? I don't know. And I can't care anymore.

2. My wife blames me for her lover getting fired. Claims I called his place of employment and "demanded" to have him fired. Yeah, right. Like I have that kind of power (I don't). Fact is, they made no effort to hide anything. The two were appearing together at industry functions attended by people we knew for YEARS and knew we were married. These people talk for a living. Weeks after she left, I received a couple of tips to check out a Facebook page for a club group that serves the industry we are in together. This club hosts guest speakers every month and they hire a professional photographer to take photos of guest speakers and guests in attendance. Guess who was there? At more than one monthly function? More like six? There's probably about 20-25 photos of them together. In at least one of them, they are holding hands. Above a table where some people I know and I've worked with in the past were seated. I will admit, after she left I was shocked and distraught. I cried on any shoulder that was offered. Quite a few were. I can only surmise (guess) that the rumors got back to his place of employment. And what he did is a big no-no in our line of work. This is a cardinal rule that is not to be broken. So, yeah, when word got out, it probably cost him his job. The night she left she told me that "she admired his line work and was attracted to him for that." Well, now she can be attracted to his uber-small unemployment assistance checks. Provided they are still together. I don't know if they are. I don't stalk.

3. I tried once to contact this cheating piece of ****'s wife. I knew where she worked. She had a voicemail function at her place of employment. That's where I left my message. There is no way anyone could have erased that message, other than herself. I know she got it. In her line of work (medical), messages are important. So, I know she got the message I left. She just chose not to return it. I can only guess at why. Perhaps she wasn't ready to hear the truth? Perhaps she already knew, and is the type of wife that allows her husband to "sow his wild oats?" I don't know. I just know that I did try to contact her. She chose not to return my call. I am not going to push it any further than that. Just know that I did make the attempt.

4. Good advice about documenting everything -- including all expenses. I will do that.

5. Did you know that 75 percent of all marriages in the U.S. are filed by women? While some are filed for good reason, men are blind-sided by the vast majority of them. They never saw it coming. And they never get an explanation as to why, other than the tired lines of "I need a new start" or "I need to heal." I still don't sleep well at night. And when I do, the nightmares are just out of this world bad. I wake up sometimes terribly depressed that I am in bed alone and will be for the foreseeable future. I feel like a loser, when I know I am not. But these feelings are still hard to control. The first line of advice that I get from many is I need to learn how to love myself. For the longest time I didn't know what that meant. Now I understand. It's not the words, "I love myself." It's the actions that I take to demonstrate this love. So, next week I get the gray washed out of my hair. I've already lost a great deal of weight (getting dumped ends the appetite and all home cooking). Perhaps some new clothes are in my future? Time to get my teeth fixed? This is what it means to love thyself.

Take care everyone. Happy weekend to all. Minor league baseball game tonight with a friend. 25-cent beer night too. Thank God I'm not driving.
If your friends and colleagues in the industry saw that Facebook Page you can be sure his bosses saw it.

Also, they would probably have seen the raw, unedited images shot by the professional photographer.

And under those circumstances -them sat together like teens at their prom- the employer would have had no choice but to let him go.

And who knows what else the arrogant so-and-so was getting up to in the workplace?

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post #99 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-08-2016, 05:54 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Has she shown any guilt or remorse at all?
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post #100 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-09-2016, 06:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Has she shown any guilt or remorse at all?
Absolutely none. She appears to have moved on. The marriage counselor I am seeing says this is normal for wives who cheat on husbands. The guilt comes later as does the desire to repair the marriage.

Keep in mind -- not all of them want to repair the marriage. But my counselor has been at this game for a very long time. She's seen this play out again and again and again. In the vast majority of cases she's dealt with, the cheating wife starts to feel guilt and does try to return.

However -- this process takes a year or more. She won't begin to miss me until next year -- provided she's one of those wives who does miss her ex-husband.

As for me, I'm a bit disturbed. I've seen some advice to keep it real and stay alone. But I find myself attracted to someone else now and I plan to meet this lady this week.

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post #101 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-24-2016, 10:06 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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As for me, I'm a bit disturbed. I've seen some advice to keep it real and stay alone. But I find myself attracted to someone else now and I plan to meet this lady this week.
@billbird2111 - I think the advice you've been given is to take it slow. to have time to heal from your marriage. You are still young, and there will be many deserving single women out there who would give anything to be in a relationship with an honorable man like you.
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post #102 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-25-2016, 08:28 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Be careful. Rebound relationships -especially in your situation- can get very messy, very quickly.

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post #103 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 10:09 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

I started dating a couple weeks after I moved out, met someone I clicked with almost immediately, and we've been together almost 5 years now. If you have healthy self esteem, no need to "take it slow" IMO.
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post #104 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 12:07 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

But that's the problem, isn't it? Most people going through traumatic situations, especially long term ones, probably will not have healthy self esteem right away.
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post #105 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-26-2016, 03:25 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

I think if you truly have strong self esteem, it doesn't go away during traumatic events. It helps you through them.
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