Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?
Thank you everyone for the kind words. I will try to answer some of the questions:
1. Is my wife still on drugs? Do I think she's still on drugs? Good question. I could never prove it. Never saw her take any. And other than once when she stopped off to pack some stuff up, I haven't seen her. The drug use suspicions were fueled by others. In other words, her friends would see her, be shocked by her appearance and demeanor, then message me the next day to ask: "Is she on drugs?" This would eventually get back to the wife, who in turn accused me of spreading rumors that she was using. I wasn't. But I did tell her that just about everyone she came into contact with would message me a day or two later to inquire about drug use. I'm not sure if she believed me or not, but that is the God's honest truth. At a family event we went to about six months before she left me, my uncles, aunts and cousins all thought she was loaded. But I wouldn't learn about these suspicions until months later, after she had left. Another friend, who came over for Thanksgiving last year, recently confided in me that it appeared my wife was "spoiling for a fight." Bottom line? I don't know. And I can't care anymore.
2. My wife blames me for her lover getting fired. Claims I called his place of employment and "demanded" to have him fired. Yeah, right. Like I have that kind of power (I don't). Fact is, they made no effort to hide anything. The two were appearing together at industry functions attended by people we knew for YEARS and knew we were married. These people talk for a living. Weeks after she left, I received a couple of tips to check out a Facebook page for a club group that serves the industry we are in together. This club hosts guest speakers every month and they hire a professional photographer to take photos of guest speakers and guests in attendance. Guess who was there? At more than one monthly function? More like six? There's probably about 20-25 photos of them together. In at least one of them, they are holding hands. Above a table where some people I know and I've worked with in the past were seated. I will admit, after she left I was shocked and distraught. I cried on any shoulder that was offered. Quite a few were. I can only surmise (guess) that the rumors got back to his place of employment. And what he did is a big no-no in our line of work. This is a cardinal rule that is not to be broken. So, yeah, when word got out, it probably cost him his job. The night she left she told me that "she admired his line work and was attracted to him for that." Well, now she can be attracted to his uber-small unemployment assistance checks. Provided they are still together. I don't know if they are. I don't stalk.
3. I tried once to contact this cheating piece of ****'s wife. I knew where she worked. She had a voicemail function at her place of employment. That's where I left my message. There is no way anyone could have erased that message, other than herself. I know she got it. In her line of work (medical), messages are important. So, I know she got the message I left. She just chose not to return it. I can only guess at why. Perhaps she wasn't ready to hear the truth? Perhaps she already knew, and is the type of wife that allows her husband to "sow his wild oats?" I don't know. I just know that I did try to contact her. She chose not to return my call. I am not going to push it any further than that. Just know that I did make the attempt.
4. Good advice about documenting everything -- including all expenses. I will do that.
5. Did you know that 75 percent of all marriages in the U.S. are filed by women? While some are filed for good reason, men are blind-sided by the vast majority of them. They never saw it coming. And they never get an explanation as to why, other than the tired lines of "I need a new start" or "I need to heal." I still don't sleep well at night. And when I do, the nightmares are just out of this world bad. I wake up sometimes terribly depressed that I am in bed alone and will be for the foreseeable future. I feel like a loser, when I know I am not. But these feelings are still hard to control. The first line of advice that I get from many is I need to learn how to love myself. For the longest time I didn't know what that meant. Now I understand. It's not the words, "I love myself." It's the actions that I take to demonstrate this love. So, next week I get the gray washed out of my hair. I've already lost a great deal of weight (getting dumped ends the appetite and all home cooking). Perhaps some new clothes are in my future? Time to get my teeth fixed? This is what it means to love thyself.
Take care everyone. Happy weekend to all. Minor league baseball game tonight with a friend. 25-cent beer night too. Thank God I'm not driving.