Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun? - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 128 (permalink) Old 08-27-2016, 09:03 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Oh, I agree. But I can count on one hand the number of people I've met like that. FOO affects people in a lot of different ways. Needing to please a father, mother being unaffectionate, someone bullying you...

There's a guy on here you would NEVER doubt his strength and self love...but when it happened, when he found the affair, he plummeted.

And even when people say it's their line in the sand, they will NEVER stay, nearly all of them do.

You just never know.

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post #107 of 128 (permalink) Old 09-18-2016, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Oh, I agree. But I can count on one hand the number of people I've met like that. FOO affects people in a lot of different ways. Needing to please a father, mother being unaffectionate, someone bullying you...

There's a guy on here you would NEVER doubt his strength and self love...but when it happened, when he found the affair, he plummeted.

And even when people say it's their line in the sand, they will NEVER stay, nearly all of them do.

You just never know.
Sad to see you have been banned. My self-esteem has never been THAT strong. I'm a confident guy, yes, but not too full of myself. I have issues just like everyone else.

One thing I haven't been able to find yet is a rental that will take a dog and a cat that is not located in some gang-infested slum. I've been a homeowner for so long now that this is new to me. Plus, what cost $800 a month in 2002 now rents for $1400 a month and it's STILL IN A SLUM! Frustrating.

Divorce matters are progressing. She's not asking for anything because she's walking away with most of the money (she inherited it from her father who passed while we were married and she made sure NEVER to put my name on the inheritance account or mix the accounts together).

I continue to see a girl as a friend. We hug one another. That's about it. I like her, but I'm afraid I will hurt her. I'm not ready for this yet.
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post #108 of 128 (permalink) Old 09-19-2016, 12:45 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Hey billbird2111

When I started dating, even on a dating website - I had my status state NSA / light dating - and in my profile, that I was looking for fun, nothing serious. I did meet a very nice woman - she was aware of rebound possibilities and that WE both were NOT looking for a serious relationship anyway. That way, I don't mislead someone - and feel guilty of a possible rebound and the other person doesn't get their feelings crushed with having a false expectation.
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post #109 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 06:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Hey billbird2111

When I started dating, even on a dating website - I had my status state NSA / light dating - and in my profile, that I was looking for fun, nothing serious. I did meet a very nice woman - she was aware of rebound possibilities and that WE both were NOT looking for a serious relationship anyway. That way, I don't mislead someone - and feel guilty of a possible rebound and the other person doesn't get their feelings crushed with having a false expectation.
That's a good idea. I've been on a few dates. Still can't quite enjoy them yet. But the therapist commands "DATE" and so I do just that.

The real key that I've healed will come when I no longer care what my soon-to-be ex-wife does or says. She continues to do things in an attempt to hurt me. The most latest example is carrying on some sort of relationship with my older brother, if you can believe that. My brother and I have never been terribly close. She knew this. Perhaps she's exploiting that lack of closeness between us? Not sure. Anyone else have a brother or sister like this?

At any rate, life goes on. Seems like I started this thread a zillion years ago. A different lifetime as a matter of fact.
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post #110 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 06:38 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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That's a good idea. I've been on a few dates. Still can't quite enjoy them yet. But the therapist commands "DATE" and so I do just that.

The real key that I've healed will come when I no longer care what my soon-to-be ex-wife does or says. She continues to do things in an attempt to hurt me. The most latest example is carrying on some sort of relationship with my older brother, if you can believe that. My brother and I have never been terribly close. She knew this. Perhaps she's exploiting that lack of closeness between us? Not sure. Anyone else have a brother or sister like this?
You'll know you've moved on when you start feeling sorry for her.

And that's why we tell you it takes at least a year, maybe two, before you have clearly moved on in your head. Dating for no purpose but to build up your ego is fine. Dating to find a mate at this stage? HELL NO.
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post #111 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 07:06 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Your brother? That is pretty pathetic on both of their parts.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #112 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 05:53 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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That's a good idea. I've been on a few dates. Still can't quite enjoy them yet. But the therapist commands "DATE" and so I do just that.

The real key that I've healed will come when I no longer care what my soon-to-be ex-wife does or says. She continues to do things in an attempt to hurt me. The most latest example is carrying on some sort of relationship with my older brother, if you can believe that. My brother and I have never been terribly close. She knew this. Perhaps she's exploiting that lack of closeness between us? Not sure. Anyone else have a brother or sister like this?

At any rate, life goes on. Seems like I started this thread a zillion years ago. A different lifetime as a matter of fact.
That is either evil or the sign of a badly disordered mind.

"I have blown it up with my husband. His brother reminds me of him a little. Let's see how that goes." Might be her thinking. Such as her thinking is...

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #113 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:03 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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That is either evil or the sign of a badly disordered mind.

"I have blown it up with my husband. His brother reminds me of him a little. Let's see how that goes." Might be her thinking. Such as her thinking is...
That actually could be it.
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post #114 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 03:19 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

billbird2111, good that you're being ordered to go dating.

I'd add this to the mix. Its not really my thing, but sure made me feel better. Go to stripper clubs for a while. Don't go broke. Sure, you're paying for a fantasy (don't we all? heheh) but for $100~200, you won't get actual sex - but you'll get some talk time, some touch and will hopefully take your mind off of things. Think of it like a HARD RESET.

I went to a stripclub 10 days after I threw wayward out of the apartment last April. I'll admit, it was harsh because it was so soon - mainly, I drank too much. I've only gotten that wasted about 5 times in my whole life. When I was dating a bit, I enjoyed them more than not.

You'll get there.

Supporting those who want to divorce or reconcile. Not every relationship is the same.

Last edited by TaDor; 12-11-2016 at 03:00 PM.
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post #115 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 04:26 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Not being very close with an older brother is one thing, him stabbing you in the back is another. I would talk to him and see what is going on. It would be likely the last time we spoke.

Good luck, brother.

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post #116 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 11:43 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Not being very close with an older brother is one thing, him stabbing you in the back is another. I would talk to him and see what is going on. It would be likely the last time we spoke.

Good luck, brother.
^^^So much this.

Family does the most fvcked up crap. Blood particularly inflicts, I think, the most heinous damage to the betrayed on these boards.

If it turns out he's betrayed you as well, be thankful that you're proof that a predilection to deception wasn't a dominant genetic trait and move on.

Genes do not morally bind you to forgiveness.

They just are - nothing more.

Still, I can't imagine.

Again, good luck man.

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post #117 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 04:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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^^^So much this.

Family does the most fvcked up crap. Blood particularly inflicts, I think, the most heinous damage to the betrayed on these boards.

If it turns out he's betrayed you as well, be thankful that you're proof that a predilection to deception wasn't a dominant genetic trait and move on.

Genes do not morally bind you to forgiveness.

They just are - nothing more.

Still, I can't imagine.

Again, good luck man.
I am no longer on speaking terms with either my brother or sister. Not sure what my brother was doing, other than I would get messages from both with the opening lines of: "I've been speaking to her on the phone," or "your brother tells me blah, blah, blah." I mean, had this happened to my brother, and she did to him what my wife did to me (cheated and left), I'd never speak to her again. About anything. Period. End of story. But that's the way I feel about it.

My sister, meanwhile, is Rush Limbaugh's poster child for the term of "Femi-Nazi." Yes -- they do exist. She wants me to start taking blame for the end of the marriage. That I somehow did something to convince my wife to start sleeping with another guy and then leave me. She simply will not accept the fact that when my wife's younger brother died last year (drank himself into the grave at age 43), she went off an emotional cliff and the woman to climbed back up simply was not the woman I married. Somehow, I am to blame or need to accept blame for what happened.

So, yeah, I won't be spending Christmas with either of them this year. Email communication is out as are phone calls. They can't even contact me on Facebook.

Now, add this to the mix. Not only did I lose my wife, my family, my homes (we had four), I also lost my job. All of this crammed into a six month period. I wasn't fired or let go. I work as personal staff for a politician. Politicians have term limits. When the term ends, not only is the politician out of a job, so is the staff. This is not the first time I've been through this. This is the fourth time. But it's the first time without the support of my wife. Sometimes these layoffs can last for weeks to months. Sometimes, people don't get another job. There is no guarantee.

I am depressed. Of that there is no doubt. I'm just wondering how some of you got through your first holiday season without your significant others. Because I could really use some tips right about now...
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post #118 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 06:19 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Sounds to me like a perfect time to go on an adventure. There are TONS of vacation adventures for singles to go on over the holidays - you're all there, single, meeting new people, and just having fun. Cruises come to mind.
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post #119 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-20-2016, 07:15 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Vegas.

And outside of Vegas there is a particular little ranch where some very lovely and talented ladies can help you forget your lonliness for a while.
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post #120 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 08:57 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Vegas.

And outside of Vegas there is a particular little ranch where some very lovely and talented ladies can help you forget your lonliness for a while.
I appreciate both suggestions (cruise or Vegas). But, I am UNEMPLOYED. I have enough money to live on for about a year. When the other house sells, it will give me several years.

BUT -- I had always intended this cash to be "new home and new life" money. Not money to support me financially while I'm out of a job.

But, I don't have much choice in the matter at the moment. Today was a better day. I had lunch with a friend -- a really good gardening friend. Lunch was good. I got a bottle of peach brandy. Something to drown away my sorrows on Christmas Day...
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