Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
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post #121 of 132 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 07:46 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Drinking will not help long term.


get some exercise and keep busy. Maybe a job at some store looking for help.

just for a short time.


Hope things go better for you soon.

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post #122 of 132 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 01:42 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Agree with the above poster.

Right now is probably the lowest of the low. Everything seems against you, you're getting down on yourself.

If you're going to be out of work in the short term then you're going to start getting into a routine of doing stuff, whatever routine you're starting to settle into make it positive, i.e working out, a hobby that will take up a big chunk of time and make you feel good about yourself, because negativity feeds into negativity and you might wind up in the cycle that is hard to get out of, especially with your ex and your siblings seeming to delight in poking you with sharp sticks.

Do right by yourself, just to royally p*ss them off!
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post #123 of 132 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Agree with the above poster.

Right now is probably the lowest of the low. Everything seems against you, you're getting down on yourself.

If you're going to be out of work in the short term then you're going to start getting into a routine of doing stuff, whatever routine you're starting to settle into make it positive, i.e working out, a hobby that will take up a big chunk of time and make you feel good about yourself, because negativity feeds into negativity and you might wind up in the cycle that is hard to get out of, especially with your ex and your siblings seeming to delight in poking you with sharp sticks.

Do right by yourself, just to royally p*ss them off!
The sun is shining here today. It's warm too. Warmer than it has been for a long time. When I first moved into this crappy little rental, the skies opened up and cried right along with me. It rained incessantly for months on end. 27 inches of rain so far in a year where the normal number is 20 or below. The snowpack in the Sierra Nevada is twice it's normal size. There was so much pressure on Northern California waterways, the second largest dam in California nearly collapsed this winter. Thank God it didn't.

I spent this cold, dark and rainy period packing up a 25-hundred square foot house that my wife and I once lived in. I had to do it all -- even her stuff. She simply would not come and get it. And since she has far, far more money than I do (an inheritance that I can't touch nor would I want to), she could just allow that house to stay empty for years. I couldn't afford that. So, in December, after the job ended, I went to a big box store, bought about 30 medium sized boxes, took them to the home we once shared and started packing.

By the time I was finished I had filled up 28 boxes for her, one for me and one left over. At least she came over to get the boxes. I nearly had to rent a storage facility. By January, the packing was complete and that's when the rehab started. I ripped out all the carpets stained with years of cat urine, sealed the floors to get rid of the stink and put in new distressed laminate flooring. Next came the paint job. Every single room. Mushroom Bisque on the walls, flat white on the ceiling. Semi gloss white on the trim. Then some cleaning to get rid of the crap left over from a major reconstruction job. Next came the small repairs. A door had to be replaced. New screens for the screen door. Reattach a downspout. Get rid of the trash in the backyard. Fix broken electrical switches and replace blown ballasts. It seemed like a million and one things. It took awhile and a lot of contractors, but this work is finally wrapping up now. You were talking about a project that I could throw myself into Bob? That was it.

If I finish when I expect, the house should be ready for the market next week. Just in time too, as prices are just shooting out of sight in California. This house could possibly sell for three times the amount we paid for it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I've been passed over for a number of jobs that I was qualified for. I got the idea that my old employer really didn't want me back so I've expanded my search to anything, anywhere. But, some recent developments with the old employer are leading me back to where I started. I will find out soon.

It will be a year this May since she left. I don't mind telling you it's been the worst year of my life. But the sun is shining now. Things are starting to point up again.

I don't think I will find love again. I won't even look for it. I'm 53 years old. I have no desire to open myself up to this kind of hurt again.
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post #124 of 132 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:57 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Damn, my heart aches for you. Keep doing whatever makes you happy. You'll find love again, I guarantee it. You'll find it when you lease expect it. You sound like a great guy. Keep posting here.
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post #125 of 132 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 02:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Damn, my heart aches for you. Keep doing whatever makes you happy. You'll find love again, I guarantee it. You'll find it when you lease expect it. You sound like a great guy. Keep posting here.
It was tough, but I had to detach myself from a lot of things. The formal dining table and hutch, for example. Her goal was to have a formal dining room, a formal dining table, china and a nice hutch to keep it in. She wanted to host all the family parties, which we did for years. But when she left, she took the china with her for her new place and left everything else behind. Didn't care for it. Didn't care what happened to any of the furniture that she longed to have.

So I had someone haul it all off to a consignment shop where it sits to this day. It was simply time to move forward and move on like she had done. Who cares if her dead parents had once sat at that table? She obviously didn't. So, off to a consignment shop it went. As did the sectional couch, which was rather lumpy from all the "activity" we shared on it. I kept a few things. The bed for example, but only because I have a bad back and we paid big $$$ for the perfect mattress for my back. I had to keep that, despite the memories.

But most of everything else just got hauled off to consignment. We're talking about four bedrooms and 2500 square feet of stuff here.

Know what sucks? I also kept one of two refrigerators. But it wouldn't fit in the new place. So, here's this nice side-by-side, sitting out in a garage because it won't fit in the house! And the house refrigerator is just an El Cheapo job, but at least it fits in the space designed for it!

I started gardening again. Damn that felt good. The old loves are coming back strong now.
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post #126 of 132 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:29 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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...I don't think I will find love again. I won't even look for it. I'm 53 years old. I have no desire to open myself up to this kind of hurt again.
@billbird2111 - I hope you continue to do well, and that things will get better for you.

My wife and I witnessed something today which made me think of you and what you said above. We were at the post office and listened to a conversation between our local post lady and a customer she knew. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked her how she and her husband were doing. She told him, to his surprise, that she and her husband were divorced 2 years ago. She said that he "wanted his freedom", but he only moved to his mother's house. She said that she always thought that she and her husband "were a team." After the customer left, my wife and I could tell she was really upset and was trying to choke back tears while she was waiting on the next customer.

The point I wanted to make was that there are many good women in the 40 - 60 age group who, through no fault of their own, have either been "traded in" by their idiot husbands for a younger model, widowed or dumped by husbands seeking their "freedom." I think an honorable man like you would be in very high demand, assuming you invest your time in healing yourself and taking your second chapter slowly and deliberately.

I hope someday to read about your revival on this forum.
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post #127 of 132 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:56 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

If you aren't already in therapy, it might be of benefit to you.

I spent a week in San Francisco in October 2015 and returned home with a tan!

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #128 of 132 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 06:51 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Quote:
Originally Posted by billbird2111 View Post
The sun is shining here today. It's warm too. Warmer than it has been for a long time. When I first moved into this crappy little rental, the skies opened up and cried right along with me. It rained incessantly for months on end. 27 inches of rain so far in a year where the normal number is 20 or below. The snowpack in the Sierra Nevada is twice it's normal size. There was so much pressure on Northern California waterways, the second largest dam in California nearly collapsed this winter. Thank God it didn't.

I spent this cold, dark and rainy period packing up a 25-hundred square foot house that my wife and I once lived in. I had to do it all -- even her stuff. She simply would not come and get it. And since she has far, far more money than I do (an inheritance that I can't touch nor would I want to), she could just allow that house to stay empty for years. I couldn't afford that. So, in December, after the job ended, I went to a big box store, bought about 30 medium sized boxes, took them to the home we once shared and started packing.

By the time I was finished I had filled up 28 boxes for her, one for me and one left over. At least she came over to get the boxes. I nearly had to rent a storage facility. By January, the packing was complete and that's when the rehab started. I ripped out all the carpets stained with years of cat urine, sealed the floors to get rid of the stink and put in new distressed laminate flooring. Next came the paint job. Every single room. Mushroom Bisque on the walls, flat white on the ceiling. Semi gloss white on the trim. Then some cleaning to get rid of the crap left over from a major reconstruction job. Next came the small repairs. A door had to be replaced. New screens for the screen door. Reattach a downspout. Get rid of the trash in the backyard. Fix broken electrical switches and replace blown ballasts. It seemed like a million and one things. It took awhile and a lot of contractors, but this work is finally wrapping up now. You were talking about a project that I could throw myself into Bob? That was it.

If I finish when I expect, the house should be ready for the market next week. Just in time too, as prices are just shooting out of sight in California. This house could possibly sell for three times the amount we paid for it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I've been passed over for a number of jobs that I was qualified for. I got the idea that my old employer really didn't want me back so I've expanded my search to anything, anywhere. But, some recent developments with the old employer are leading me back to where I started. I will find out soon.

It will be a year this May since she left. I don't mind telling you it's been the worst year of my life. But the sun is shining now. Things are starting to point up again.

I don't think I will find love again. I won't even look for it. I'm 53 years old. I have no desire to open myself up to this kind of hurt again.
Keep on doing what you are doing, one foot in front of the other, you will get there and this will all be a distant unpleasant memory. You are still young in the grand scheme of things.
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post #129 of 132 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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If you aren't already in therapy, it might be of benefit to you.

I spent a week in San Francisco in October 2015 and returned home with a tan!
I see a marriage and family therapist twice a month. She's been extraordinarily helpful. Can't say enough about her and the way she has helped me see things clearly. I see what happened now. I was powerless to stop what happened. I did give it the old college try. But it was doomed. Death changed her. And she met someone who became her mother and lover at the same time. She dresses like her. She acts like her. She lets her lover pick out all of her clothing for her and make important decisions regarding her life. Because this is what her mother and father did for her the entire time she was growing up. She was sheltered. She was protected. I did not marry her to make decisions for her, tell her what to wear, who to see, or run her life. I wanted a partner and nothing more. As long as her family was alive to direct her, the union worked. But, when they all died, she was cast adrift. And she fell into the arms of another man, and eventually, another woman.

I'm here today because it's been one year since she left. I forced the truth of the affair out of her on May 24th, 2016. The next day she packed up a few clothes and left. She never returned. I suppose the biggest betrayal was when she hired a lawyer. Her father had left her and her brother two homes in a fancy retirement community. Both were paid off. Rather than sell them (we didn't need the money), I volunteered to become the rental manager for both properties. I found and screened all the renters. I collected the rent money. I took care of any and all problems. The money I made for them went into an account that only she and her brother had access too. When her brother died, I continued with the property management duties. I made tens of thousands of dollars for her. You know what she did with that money? She hired a high priced lawyer to come after me. Made my life miserable. Keep in mind this was all inheritance money. And in the great State of California, inheritance money is not "split." The person who inherited everything, keeps the inheritance. Period. End of story. She kept everything. I was, and still am, quite poor.
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post #130 of 132 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 05:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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If you aren't already in therapy, it might be of benefit to you.

I spent a week in San Francisco in October 2015 and returned home with a tan!
I continue to look for work. Iíve had ten interviews in the past three weeks. Iíve already lost out on one job, but it wasnít what I wanted anyway. I have one more interview next week. I sincerely hope one of these will pan out as it will mean that my personal nightmare will officially be over. Losing your wife, family, homes and job in a six month period is not a fate I would wish upon my own worst enemy. Yet Ė that is exactly what happened in 2016.

She stopped pursuing the divorce in November. No reason given as to why. I donít push it. In fact, I donít even talk to her anymore. No need to do so. Besides, she scares the Hell out of me now. Our homes, plus the two rentals, were sold. The last home we shared together fetched a price that surprised the heck out of me. It was a bit of good news, although I left my garden and fruit trees behind. I spent ten years turning that large backyard into our own, personal, farmerís market. We grew everything. The artichokes are coming into season in that backyard now. But someone else will get to enjoy them, along with the grapes and peaches that ripen in June.

No matter. I have the seed money to buy again. But itís dependent on finding my next job. Hopefully that will happen soon. Perhaps one day I will buy a home again. But I will never, EVER, make the mistake of buying with a woman. No woman will ever be allowed to take my home from me again. Should I find love again, which I doubt, she can contribute rent.

Iíve had the opportunity to get intimate with a couple of different ladies, but I passed. I wasnít really attracted to them. They made it pretty clear that I could do what I wanted with them, but Iíve never been that type of a guy. Sex without feeling, to me at least, is unfulfilling. But one thing that has come back, and in a strong way, is my attraction to certain women. Unfortunately, theyíve all been married or taken. This includes one very, very attractive lady who turned her backyard into her own farmerís market. She fed me mulberries straight from a tree. I nearly jumped her on the spot. But I was there to buy a fig tree, not have sex with her under a tree of ripened mulberries.

But I wouldnít have minded it a bit. And I let her know that. And she let me know that her boyfriend probably would not like that. So, Cest La Vie.

Not a day goes by that I donít think of my wife. But the sadness is really starting to fade now. I see promise ahead. I see good things ahead in my life. One step at a time, ya know?

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post #131 of 132 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 05:32 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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I continue to look for work. Iíve had ten interviews in the past three weeks. Iíve already lost out on one job, but it wasnít what I wanted anyway. I have one more interview next week. I sincerely hope one of these will pan out as it will mean that my personal nightmare will officially be over. Losing your wife, family, homes and job in a six month period is not a fate I would wish upon my own worst enemy. Yet Ė that is exactly what happened in 2016.

She stopped pursuing the divorce in November. No reason given as to why. I donít push it. In fact, I donít even talk to her anymore. No need to do so. Besides, she scares the Hell out of me now. Our homes, plus the two rentals, were sold. The last home we shared together fetched a price that surprised the heck out of me. It was a bit of good news, although I left my garden and fruit trees behind. I spent ten years turning that large backyard into our own, personal, farmerís market. We grew everything. The artichokes are coming into season in that backyard now. But someone else will get to enjoy them, along with the grapes and peaches that ripen in June.

No matter. I have the seed money to buy again. But itís dependent on finding my next job. Hopefully that will happen soon. Perhaps one day I will buy a home again. But I will never, EVER, make the mistake of buying with a woman. No woman will ever be allowed to take my home from me again. Should I find love again, which I doubt, she can contribute rent.

Iíve had the opportunity to get intimate with a couple of different ladies, but I passed. I wasnít really attracted to them. They made it pretty clear that I could do what I wanted with them, but Iíve never been that type of a guy. Sex without feeling, to me at least, is unfulfilling. But one thing that has come back, and in a strong way, is my attraction to certain women. Unfortunately, theyíve all been married or taken. This includes one very, very attractive lady who turned her backyard into her own farmerís market. She fed me mulberries straight from a tree. I nearly jumped her on the spot. But I was there to buy a fig tree, not have sex with her under a tree of ripened mulberries.

But I wouldnít have minded it a bit. And I let her know that. And she let me know that her boyfriend probably would not like that. So, Cest La Vie.

Not a day goes by that I donít think of my wife. But the sadness is really starting to fade now. I see promise ahead. I see good things ahead in my life. One step at a time, ya know?
What can I write that is worth more than a quick glance?

You were raised up high in life and dropped on your head, in an instant. Over a ~one year period.

I suspect [via arcane methods and experience] that this too shall pass. Whatever evil transit that decimated your seventh and tenth house will eventually weaken and pass.

The suddenness of it points to Uranus and maybe Saturn adding financial discord and pain.

This too shall pass...slowly I suspect. Outer planets move slowly. Beware open enemies and partnerships. Do not give any government official cause to come after you.

New things, and new doors will open. Carefully look before you enter.

Just sayin'

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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post #132 of 132 (permalink) Old 05-21-2017, 12:52 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Are you volunteering anywhere? It will be good for a couple of reasons. First, helping someone else really does make you feel good, give you a sense of worth. Second, it looks amazing on resumes.
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