Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun? - Page 9 - Talk About Marriage
Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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post #121 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 07:46 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Drinking will not help long term.


get some exercise and keep busy. Maybe a job at some store looking for help.

just for a short time.


Hope things go better for you soon.

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post #122 of 128 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 01:42 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Agree with the above poster.

Right now is probably the lowest of the low. Everything seems against you, you're getting down on yourself.

If you're going to be out of work in the short term then you're going to start getting into a routine of doing stuff, whatever routine you're starting to settle into make it positive, i.e working out, a hobby that will take up a big chunk of time and make you feel good about yourself, because negativity feeds into negativity and you might wind up in the cycle that is hard to get out of, especially with your ex and your siblings seeming to delight in poking you with sharp sticks.

Do right by yourself, just to royally p*ss them off!
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post #123 of 128 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Originally Posted by BobSimmons View Post
Agree with the above poster.

Right now is probably the lowest of the low. Everything seems against you, you're getting down on yourself.

If you're going to be out of work in the short term then you're going to start getting into a routine of doing stuff, whatever routine you're starting to settle into make it positive, i.e working out, a hobby that will take up a big chunk of time and make you feel good about yourself, because negativity feeds into negativity and you might wind up in the cycle that is hard to get out of, especially with your ex and your siblings seeming to delight in poking you with sharp sticks.

Do right by yourself, just to royally p*ss them off!
The sun is shining here today. It's warm too. Warmer than it has been for a long time. When I first moved into this crappy little rental, the skies opened up and cried right along with me. It rained incessantly for months on end. 27 inches of rain so far in a year where the normal number is 20 or below. The snowpack in the Sierra Nevada is twice it's normal size. There was so much pressure on Northern California waterways, the second largest dam in California nearly collapsed this winter. Thank God it didn't.

I spent this cold, dark and rainy period packing up a 25-hundred square foot house that my wife and I once lived in. I had to do it all -- even her stuff. She simply would not come and get it. And since she has far, far more money than I do (an inheritance that I can't touch nor would I want to), she could just allow that house to stay empty for years. I couldn't afford that. So, in December, after the job ended, I went to a big box store, bought about 30 medium sized boxes, took them to the home we once shared and started packing.

By the time I was finished I had filled up 28 boxes for her, one for me and one left over. At least she came over to get the boxes. I nearly had to rent a storage facility. By January, the packing was complete and that's when the rehab started. I ripped out all the carpets stained with years of cat urine, sealed the floors to get rid of the stink and put in new distressed laminate flooring. Next came the paint job. Every single room. Mushroom Bisque on the walls, flat white on the ceiling. Semi gloss white on the trim. Then some cleaning to get rid of the crap left over from a major reconstruction job. Next came the small repairs. A door had to be replaced. New screens for the screen door. Reattach a downspout. Get rid of the trash in the backyard. Fix broken electrical switches and replace blown ballasts. It seemed like a million and one things. It took awhile and a lot of contractors, but this work is finally wrapping up now. You were talking about a project that I could throw myself into Bob? That was it.

If I finish when I expect, the house should be ready for the market next week. Just in time too, as prices are just shooting out of sight in California. This house could possibly sell for three times the amount we paid for it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I've been passed over for a number of jobs that I was qualified for. I got the idea that my old employer really didn't want me back so I've expanded my search to anything, anywhere. But, some recent developments with the old employer are leading me back to where I started. I will find out soon.

It will be a year this May since she left. I don't mind telling you it's been the worst year of my life. But the sun is shining now. Things are starting to point up again.

I don't think I will find love again. I won't even look for it. I'm 53 years old. I have no desire to open myself up to this kind of hurt again.
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post #124 of 128 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 10:57 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Damn, my heart aches for you. Keep doing whatever makes you happy. You'll find love again, I guarantee it. You'll find it when you lease expect it. You sound like a great guy. Keep posting here.
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post #125 of 128 (permalink) Old 03-09-2017, 02:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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Damn, my heart aches for you. Keep doing whatever makes you happy. You'll find love again, I guarantee it. You'll find it when you lease expect it. You sound like a great guy. Keep posting here.
It was tough, but I had to detach myself from a lot of things. The formal dining table and hutch, for example. Her goal was to have a formal dining room, a formal dining table, china and a nice hutch to keep it in. She wanted to host all the family parties, which we did for years. But when she left, she took the china with her for her new place and left everything else behind. Didn't care for it. Didn't care what happened to any of the furniture that she longed to have.

So I had someone haul it all off to a consignment shop where it sits to this day. It was simply time to move forward and move on like she had done. Who cares if her dead parents had once sat at that table? She obviously didn't. So, off to a consignment shop it went. As did the sectional couch, which was rather lumpy from all the "activity" we shared on it. I kept a few things. The bed for example, but only because I have a bad back and we paid big $$$ for the perfect mattress for my back. I had to keep that, despite the memories.

But most of everything else just got hauled off to consignment. We're talking about four bedrooms and 2500 square feet of stuff here.

Know what sucks? I also kept one of two refrigerators. But it wouldn't fit in the new place. So, here's this nice side-by-side, sitting out in a garage because it won't fit in the house! And the house refrigerator is just an El Cheapo job, but at least it fits in the space designed for it!

I started gardening again. Damn that felt good. The old loves are coming back strong now.
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post #126 of 128 (permalink) Old 03-20-2017, 11:29 PM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

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...I don't think I will find love again. I won't even look for it. I'm 53 years old. I have no desire to open myself up to this kind of hurt again.
@billbird2111 - I hope you continue to do well, and that things will get better for you.

My wife and I witnessed something today which made me think of you and what you said above. We were at the post office and listened to a conversation between our local post lady and a customer she knew. After exchanging pleasantries, he asked her how she and her husband were doing. She told him, to his surprise, that she and her husband were divorced 2 years ago. She said that he "wanted his freedom", but he only moved to his mother's house. She said that she always thought that she and her husband "were a team." After the customer left, my wife and I could tell she was really upset and was trying to choke back tears while she was waiting on the next customer.

The point I wanted to make was that there are many good women in the 40 - 60 age group who, through no fault of their own, have either been "traded in" by their idiot husbands for a younger model, widowed or dumped by husbands seeking their "freedom." I think an honorable man like you would be in very high demand, assuming you invest your time in healing yourself and taking your second chapter slowly and deliberately.

I hope someday to read about your revival on this forum.
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post #127 of 128 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 04:56 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

If you aren't already in therapy, it might be of benefit to you.

I spent a week in San Francisco in October 2015 and returned home with a tan!

http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk
http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #128 of 128 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 06:51 AM
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Re: Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

Quote:
Originally Posted by billbird2111 View Post
The sun is shining here today. It's warm too. Warmer than it has been for a long time. When I first moved into this crappy little rental, the skies opened up and cried right along with me. It rained incessantly for months on end. 27 inches of rain so far in a year where the normal number is 20 or below. The snowpack in the Sierra Nevada is twice it's normal size. There was so much pressure on Northern California waterways, the second largest dam in California nearly collapsed this winter. Thank God it didn't.

I spent this cold, dark and rainy period packing up a 25-hundred square foot house that my wife and I once lived in. I had to do it all -- even her stuff. She simply would not come and get it. And since she has far, far more money than I do (an inheritance that I can't touch nor would I want to), she could just allow that house to stay empty for years. I couldn't afford that. So, in December, after the job ended, I went to a big box store, bought about 30 medium sized boxes, took them to the home we once shared and started packing.

By the time I was finished I had filled up 28 boxes for her, one for me and one left over. At least she came over to get the boxes. I nearly had to rent a storage facility. By January, the packing was complete and that's when the rehab started. I ripped out all the carpets stained with years of cat urine, sealed the floors to get rid of the stink and put in new distressed laminate flooring. Next came the paint job. Every single room. Mushroom Bisque on the walls, flat white on the ceiling. Semi gloss white on the trim. Then some cleaning to get rid of the crap left over from a major reconstruction job. Next came the small repairs. A door had to be replaced. New screens for the screen door. Reattach a downspout. Get rid of the trash in the backyard. Fix broken electrical switches and replace blown ballasts. It seemed like a million and one things. It took awhile and a lot of contractors, but this work is finally wrapping up now. You were talking about a project that I could throw myself into Bob? That was it.

If I finish when I expect, the house should be ready for the market next week. Just in time too, as prices are just shooting out of sight in California. This house could possibly sell for three times the amount we paid for it. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

In the meantime, I've been passed over for a number of jobs that I was qualified for. I got the idea that my old employer really didn't want me back so I've expanded my search to anything, anywhere. But, some recent developments with the old employer are leading me back to where I started. I will find out soon.

It will be a year this May since she left. I don't mind telling you it's been the worst year of my life. But the sun is shining now. Things are starting to point up again.

I don't think I will find love again. I won't even look for it. I'm 53 years old. I have no desire to open myself up to this kind of hurt again.
Keep on doing what you are doing, one foot in front of the other, you will get there and this will all be a distant unpleasant memory. You are still young in the grand scheme of things.
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