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Am I Crazy? Or is this the Smoking Gun?

79K views 140 replies 53 participants last post by  turnera 
#1 ·
Married for nearly 14 years. The last year has been absolute Hell. When my wife's brother died unexpectedly she changed a great deal. She pulled away from me. She detached. She routinely lies now about where she's been, who she's been with, what she's been doing. I know this because I've caught her in some real whoppers.

She never acted like this before. I truly believed we were happy as a couple. I know I was. Key word: was. The past year has been horrific. When I joined this forum last night, I read a few posts from people who did some checking on their wives (I guess you could call it snooping). In some cases they found the "smoking gun." In other cases, they weren't sure. I'm in the second category. I'm not sure.

My wife was once my very best friend. We confided in each other about everything. We traded notes 20 or 30 times a day. Now? I don't hear from her at all. She's just stopped all communication with me.

I found this email thread between her and a gentleman I know. There were several of them to be honest. They were not in her email inbox. They were not in the trash section, which she routinely cleans (deletes). Nope. She forgot to clean out one other section of her email: the "sent" file. This is where I found them -- the exchanges. They will email each other 10-12 times in the space of four hours.

Now -- what you're about to see is just one of these exchanges. The names and places have been covered up to protect the innocent. TAM moderators? I need your help. I've never been through anything like this before. You, on the other hand, have seen a lot of this. What's the deal?

(9)
People
The Male
To
My Wife

Feb 9 at 7:14 AM
Think this is a job I could stomach?

https://www.employment.ucdavis.edu/applicants/jsp/shared/position/PrinterFriendlyJobDetails_css.jsp

Sent from my iPad
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My Wife
To
The Male

Feb 9 at 9:08 AM
The link won't open. In (a city) today. You aren't serious about leaving (your place of employment) though unless they invite you to leave, right?

Sent from my iPhone
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The Male
To
My Wife

Feb 9 at 11:02 AM
Seriously looking, yes. I need an intermediate step out of state worker coverage so that my options are more open. Ina position where I need more than a hobby job (I.e. Pension, even if measely)

Sent from my iPhone
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My Wife
To
The Male

Feb 9 at 11:58 AM
This seems really rash, but I'm a little in the dark and don't want to be unsupportive. still can't open the damn link. Take a few breaths though.

Sent from my iPhone
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The Male
To:
My Wife

You are right. I need to calm down. Good advice. Thanks. Sent from my iPhone > On Feb 9, 2016, at 11:58 AM,

Feb 9 at 12:07 PM
My Wife
To
The Male

Feb 9 at 12:23 PM
Don't give into the Latin drama queen, she said from the Cuban restaurant

Sent from my iPhone
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The Male
To
My Wife

Feb 9 at 1:05 PM
No. Sound advice. I will disclose more later, but as you prolly realize, personal life is turned inside out. Has me reevaluating a lot of things, including my job and how it feeds my insatiable ego. Plus, I have zero security if I wind up going forward alone. I like what I do, but it may be a job I can no longer afford.

Having said that, I'm not in a good place to decide **** right now. So I need to sit tight, calm down and wait.

Sent from my iPhone
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My Wife
To
The Male

Feb 9 at 1:54 PM
Don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever; whenever, I'm here.

Sent from my iPhone
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The Male
To
My Wife

Feb 9 at 1:59 PM
I know. Thanks

Sent from my iPhone
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#140 ·
Not well, unfortunately. Back to the same old routine.

But I did quit drinking. That's a plus. However, I'm unemployed AGAIN. Long story. That "new job" and "new start" turned out to be nothing more than an eight month mirage. I was brought in as an outsider to do some "dirty work." Once that job was done (getting rid of a problem employee), the clock started ticking on my dismissal. These people had no intention of allowing me to be the long-term answer to the agency I had chosen.

I had another job offer that I turned down when I took the position I was released from. I wish I would have taken that, although I've since learned that I probably would have been released from that job as well.

By the way, if you want to know the reason for my dismissal, it was: "we just don't think you're a good fit for the job." No elaboration other than that. No feedback, other than "you're doing a good job for us," right up until the day I was told "you're not a good fit."

It was an orchestrated move. My replacement had been hired months earlier.
 
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