Re: For those dealing with serial cheaters...how do you even move forward?
Just so you know were I'm coming from, most of my 20 year marriage I didn't want to be married. It was nice to have sex when ever I wanted and my WW looked realy good on my arm during social/ work events. So I really didn't care if I was a good H or not.
Getting back to getting over the 20 men my WW slept with in the last 13 years. I would have to say I really don't know why I finally confronted her. I mean I liked the fact as long as she stayed out of my way I could come and go as I pleased. Back in the day I would purposely give my WW a quickie right before she went out knowing I didnt get sloppy seconds and the fact that some guy would be tasting me. Even when she would come home in the morning I would get pretty rough with her and call her dirty names when I had her bent........well you get the idea. Let me put it this way, My WW wasn't the only one with sick behaviors.
There were some very unhealthy behaviors we both were exhibiting 20 month ago, and that may have played a part in confronting my self and my wife in that we needed to change. It was a ughly "life style" for both of us and something just went on in the back of my head, in Feb. '10 and I was going to make a change and my WW was welcome to come along if she wanted, if not no worries she can go off and do what ever. Lets face it she was already doing that for years and I didn't care.
So I confronted WW and she wanted to come along on this new journey and we commited to each other and we just started caring about each other and any kind of affection and emotional interest I gave to my WW it was returned by her 10 fold. It was kind of nice being and showing love. I wasn't used to it.
So now all the resentment is gone and there is this love with this new person and this new marriage that I actually want to nurish. The behaviors are healthier on both sides and it works. So its seems to move forward one has to have a reason......a good reason. Beit with or with your serial cheating wife there is a "eye on the prize" that one can look at, a goal if you will.
For some it might be getting out of a abusive marriage and that prize could simply be happiness. For me the prize is having some one that loves you enought to stick around after being treated like a wh0re for 20 years. I can move forward b/c what I had in the past is not an option. The man I was, was ughly and moving forward knowing I diserve good things and will not let the past define who I want to be in the future.
I will not let my WW past choice define who I want to be, so if for some reason she reverts back to her old behaviors then bad for her, but *I WILL MOVE FORWRD*. Its all a mind set that I beleive one must have to be successful. To stay away from the people that bring out the worst in you and to have a positive additude in that I diserve good things. Thats how I am moving forward, and my WW just so happens to come along under my terms.
I apoligize for taking the long way around to make the point in that new boundries help me move forward, but I think folks really need to see why I choose to R and can in some way get past my WW serial cheating. In its simplest form if she can for give me then I can forgive her.
On a side note, it was some time ago I was behind her and was really rough, calling this dirty name, and she turned around and said "becarefull what you wish for" . At the time I really didn't think much of it, but know it all comes together.
The point here is in moving forward I must learn from my past. I see this as preventive medicine if you know what I mean?
This post my sound alot of what I'm doing, granted my wife has done the heavy lifting, but the bottom line here is, its all about *me* its not about WW, I can't control WW, she can do what she wants but I can control how I want to live my life and the man I want to be.