DS and I have agreed that separating is the best for right now. Below is a link which describes the background of the situation. Help with EA. On the verge of separation
She’ll be moving out in a few weeks and need some advice on how to proceed. In short I am still open to R but she has shown no interest. She is still in contact with OM from an EA and has made it clear she will not give it up. So do I:
“Go Dark” the best I can considering we are sharing custody of two young kids?
Do a 180? This sounds good as it will give me an opportunity to really work on myself and move forward. It’s something I have been doing anyways.
Give up, let her go, and move on?
The EA didn't happen out of thin air... somewhere there has been a break down of communication and listening skills on both your parts. My suggestion is to sit down with her again, and talk calmly, confidently, openly, honestly in love of this fact. That you would like to work on the marriage with the help of a MC... calmly express that you had married her, not the OM, and it is your wish to maintain the marriage. You cannot in good faith and self-respect and the respect for the marriage allow the OM to be within this process. Approach her by taking the initiative by already interviewing and choosing a MC and set up an appt. You know her schedule so you can be fairly secure in an appt time... even if it doesn't work in your time schedule.. I think you would even sacrifice your time at work or whatever for this to happen.
You have placed the ball in her court.. she either accepts or refuses... this you will find out at the scheduled appt. If she doesn't show up... then sit down with her again. calmly express how sad it was that she didn't show up and suggest that a separation may be necessary. If she does show up.. use that time with the MC well!!! Discover about each other.. each of your feelings...
What I gather from the boards is that EA is a symptom of the lack of regard of the others FEELINGS! Investigate yourself to see if you can find how you neglected, disrespected, dismissed, minimalized, etc your W's feelings.
Patience, calm, strong, assertive, more patience, perserverence, love... all within your heart...
I feel filing for divorce is a last resort.